Children do not obey how to do? Don\’t let \”disobedience\” harm your child…

My cousin posted on WeChat Moments late at night, saying that she felt very tired recently. I quickly sent her a private message to ask her what was wrong. It turned out that it was my naughty nephew who made her so angry. I heard from my cousin that my 9-year-old nephew has recently become obsessed with watching cartoons, such as Peppa Pig, Paw Paw Squad, and Ultraman. He is always watching TV when he should do his homework, and he is still watching it during meals, no matter what. listen. I asked my cousin, what do you say about him? I told him, if you don’t turn off the TV and do your homework, don’t eat. These are my cousin\’s original words. I smiled helplessly and asked her, \”Then you really don\’t want to feed your precious son?\” Many parents will use this kind of threatening sentence every time they want their children to do something according to their wishes. For example: \”If you don\’t do your homework, you won\’t have to eat\”, \”If you don\’t obey me anymore, I won\’t buy you toys in the future\”, \”If you keep making trouble, I won\’t take you home\” and so on. This way of parent-child communication is wrong! Could it be that when you say \”stop eating\”, you really don\’t want to feed your child? Can you really stop buying toys when you say \”I won\’t buy them any more toys in the future\”? And saying that you don’t take your children home is even more frightening. It is often difficult to achieve the parents\’ wishes by scaring children, and it can also cause psychological trauma to the children. Children are still in the childhood stage. If parents do not adopt correct communication methods, serious problems will occur once they reach the period of youth rebelliousness. I told my cousin more than once that we should not deal with problems in this way of scaring children, but should consider the children\’s feelings as the starting point. However, every time, my cousin always tries to prevaricate me by saying, \”I\’m not doing it for his own good by saying this.\” My cousin\’s original intention is indeed for the best for her children, but this approach is very inappropriate. Wu Zhihong once mentioned in \”Why Love Hurts\” that in an intimate relationship, the most important thing is the communication of feelings, and the parent-child relationship is no exception. Stop using \”it\’s for his own good\” as an excuse to ignore your child\’s feelings. In fact, there are quite a few people like my cousin around us. My best friend and neighbor Manman, because her husband is busy with business, cannot spend time with her and her children on weekends. Therefore, when weekends come, Manman will pack her luggage and go back to her parents\’ home with her two children. Every time I go there happily and come back angry. When she came back this time, she looked very angry again. \”What\’s the matter, your daughter is disobedient again?\” I asked her jokingly. \”Yes, it\’s this daughter again. She\’s so disobedient that she pisses me off.\” Next, my best friend told me a lot. It turns out that every time I go back to my parents\’ house, my best friend\’s daughter will be very annoying and cry very much. When eating, I would clamor for my best friend to feed me, and I would look at my phone while eating. If he says anything to her, he will start to get into trouble and antagonize his best friend. He told her whether to eat or not, or whether to wash her hands or not. If she was told a few words, she would not only cry, but also lie on the floor and roll around. Once my daughter starts acting stupid, her best friend will tell her with a straight face, \”If you continue to be disobedient like this, I won\’t take you to my grandparents\’ house next time.\” This sentence pattern is Manman\’s mantra. When eating, she would say, \”If it doesn\’t taste good, don\’t eat.\” When her daughter made trouble, she would say, \”If you don\’t obey me, don\’t come next time.\” But when it\’s time for dinner, it\’s time toEating is still eating; when the weekend comes, my best friend happily takes her two children back to her parents\’ house. If parents fail to implement what they say, they will lose their principles and authority in their children\’s hearts. Therefore, if you want your children to be obedient, how to speak and how to communicate are all important and skillful. When the second season of \”Incredible Moms\” first aired, there was such a scene. Because in the second season of the show, Hu Ke only plans to take his younger son, leaving his eldest son Anji at home. So, in order to comfort his brother, Hu Ke took Xiao Yuer to the toy store to buy a gift for Anji. When Xiao Yu\’er chose two toys, one for herself and one for her brother, and ran to the checkout counter happily, Hu Ke stopped him. Because the rules set by the show crew are that you can only buy toys for your brother Anji, but Xiao Yuer can\’t. Two children and one toy often make parents very upset. When Hu Ke told Xiao Yu\’er that he could only buy toys for his brother, but he didn\’t have any, Xiao Yu\’er began to have mood swings, crying and stamping his feet. Many parents, when their children cry, are always aggressive towards their children in the hope of suppressing their children\’s emotions immediately. However, at this time, Hu Ke did not say anything like, \”If you don\’t obey, I will do whatever I want,\” because she knew that such an approach would be useless. On the contrary, Hu Ke squatted down and looked at Xiao Yu\’er. He did not rush to suppress Xiao Yu\’er\’s emotions, but gently agreed with Xiao Yu\’er\’s feelings and said: \”Xiao Yu\’er, mom knows you like this toy very much. You You really want this toy, right?\” Xiao Yu\’er told her with tears in her eyes that she only had the big Ultraman, not the little Ultraman. Hu Ke touched the child\’s head and told him that the rules of this show were that he could only bring toys to his brother, but he didn\’t. Immediately, Hu Ke discussed with Xiao Yu\’er: \”How about we come over in the afternoon or evening to buy your toys?\” After much persuasion, Xiao Yu\’er finally agreed to store his toys at the cashier and come back next time. purchase. This seemingly impossible task was successfully completed with Hu Ke\’s careful communication. Without using the sentence pattern of \”If you are not good, I will be like that\”, Hu Ke made the child obedient. In fact, when educating children, it is most taboo to use the sentence pattern \”I will be like you if you are not good\”, for example: \”If you don\’t obey me, you will stop eating.\” This is the most common saying, but would you really deny food to your child? The answer is obvious. This sentence is used to scare children. Children are very smart. As time goes by, if this kind of sentence pattern is used too much, the children will feel that their parents can only talk but not do anything, and they don’t have to bear the consequences of anything they do. Anyway, they will still be able to eat after their parents nag a few words. Give me something to eat. From the child\’s perspective, although what parents say makes sense, they don\’t have to listen. Over time, parents will lose authority in their children\’s hearts. Once they lose authority, no matter what you say to their children, the children will only hear it in one ear and out the other. In fact, if you want your children to be obedient, the correct way should be: first, identify with your children\’s feelings. No matter whether the child is resisting or crying, you must first identify with the child\’s inner feelings, so that the child can feel that his parents understand him. You can use a questioning tone, \”How do you feel now?\”Then, say what you want your child to do. Tell your child simply and directly what you want him to do without any hints. Some parents let their children figure out what to do. This approach is not advisable. Finally, you need to use a negotiating attitude and a questioning tone to find a balance point with your child, so that the child feels that his parents still care about his thoughts. In this way, not only can children be better obedient, but it is also less likely to cause psychological trauma to the children. I hope parents can communicate with their children in an appropriate way so that their children can grow up happily in an atmosphere of love.