By giving children the importance of rituals in their lives, ordinary families can become spiritual aristocrats

This weekend, Xiaohua sat on the sofa after breakfast with a worried look on her face. I thought she had encountered some problem, but she said: \”Mom, you haven\’t taken me out to play for two consecutive weekends.\” I said I didn\’t react at first, but after thinking about it carefully, I figured it out. During the summer vacation, I would spend one day on the weekends and take her out with her father to go to shopping malls, parks, and watch dramas. But in the past two weeks, Xiaohua Kindergarten has started school, and I didn’t take her out for a walk on weekends. In Xiaohua\’s heart, a trip every weekend has become a fixed ritual, so every time it came to Friday night, Xiaohua would be particularly excited and looking forward to it. The weekly parent-child play time between children and parents is not just an ordinary play, it is a ritual that closely connects the hearts of all participants. Everyone expresses their love and acceptance for each other in the most direct way. and recognition. The fox said to the little prince: \”You\’d better come at the same time every day.\” The little prince asked: \”Why?\” The fox said: \”For example, if you come at four o\’clock in the afternoon, then from three o\’clock, I will start Feel happy. The closer the time comes, the happier I feel. When four o\’clock comes, I will be restless; I will discover the price of happiness. But if you come at any time, I don\’t know when to Prepare my mood… When we meet, there should be a certain ceremony.\” The little prince asked: \”What is that ceremony?\” The fox said: \”This is also something that is often forgotten. It is to make one day different from other days, so that One moment is different from other moments.\” – \”The Little Prince\” What is the sense of ritual? In the fairy tale \”The Little Prince\”, when the fox saw the little prince for the first time, he said to him: Getting acquainted requires a certain ceremony. A sense of ritual makes one day different from other days and one moment from other moments. Because of the sense of ritual, many things that were originally irrelevant and dispensable are given meaning. As for the reason for the sense of ritual, people say this: we need something with a sense of ritual to remind us that in fact, in addition to being mediocre in life, there is also poetry and distance. For us modern people, the sense of ritual sublimates the original daily chores of firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, and elevates it to the realm of music, chess, calligraphy, painting, poetry and wine. For children, the sense of ritual can be interpreted this way: treat seemingly boring things in life with a serious and solemn attitude, and find the hidden fun in life. From a psychological point of view, rituals are divided into two types. One is the big ceremony, bidding farewell to the past and moving towards the future, such as graduation ceremony, wedding… and the small ceremony, which is what this article is talking about, can be understood as a kind of directional psychology. Anchoring combines one\’s own behavior with psychological feelings. When you do this, the feeling will come out naturally. The sense of ritual does not need to be based on material foundation, nor does it require any grand actions. It more reflects a positive attitude towards life and a heart that values ​​life. For example, getting up early to prepare a nutritious breakfast, carefully packaging books before school starts, a special hat on the head of the birthday girl, couplets posted on the door during festivals… These casual little things all give life a sense of ritual. This isThe quality we pursue is also a temperament integrated into life. How important is the sense of ritual for children? Xiaohua was invited to attend her friend\’s birthday party. Together, she and I picked out her favorite beautiful little skirt, which she paired with black leather shoes and matching white socks. After that, I even tied her hair up, including a shiny hairpin. My husband looked at the two of us busy in confusion. Men generally don’t understand that this is not just a little girl’s thoughts. Careful preparation before a party includes respect for others and responsibility for oneself. Through this sense of ceremony, I want to let Xiaohua know that every invitation should be treated with the same attention as Cinderella attending the prince\’s ball; Because, beautiful skirts and crystal shoes are not only a gorgeous appearance, but also a piece of self-confidence armor that can generously accept the prince\’s invitation to dance. Regarding this question on Zhihu, I saw a highly praised answer (from: Sprout): ▼In an international school, children enjoy five special holidays in the school: Ice Cream Day, United Nations Day, and Plush Doll Day , Pajama Day and Spy Day. In addition, the school will also communicate with parents on how to create a \”sense of family rituals.\” The school students are composed of children from different countries. These five festivals are created by the school. No matter where the students are from or how old they are, they all participate in the festival carnival. Ice Cream Day: Wear your favorite fruit color and get an ice cream of the same color; United Nations Day: Wear your own national costume and the school will hold a book auction; Plush Doll Day: Bring one of your favorites Plush toys, the dolls will accompany you to class on this day; Pajama Day: wear pajamas and hold a pajama party; Spy Day: dress up as your favorite picture book character and have a grand cosplay. Sense of ritual ≠ Sense of form. Many people have misunderstandings about the sense of ritual. They think that the sense of ritual is false, unrealistic, and just a form, but it is never something flashy. The sense of ritual is not the same as the sense of form. If good spiritual attributes and personalized value cannot be given, and children are not valued and participated, then it is just a form, not a sense of ritual. The sense of ritual can be a kind of power. According to a survey by the Atlanta Journal, people \”gather stories and memories\” in their families, and the happiness they get from it far exceeds material satisfaction, and even surpasses academic and career success. Achievements gained. In the American family drama movie \”Miracle Boys\”, a little boy named Auggie was born with facial defects and was afraid that his classmates would laugh at him when he grew up. Auggie has been taught by his mother at home since he was a child. In the fifth grade, when he first entered school, he was ridiculed and bullied by his classmates. Fortunately, he has such a warm family with a sense of ritual. When Auggie made his first friend, his mother was more excited than him and wanted to celebrate, and always reminded herself to \”keep calm\”; after the friendship boat between Auggie and his friends capsized, his sister shared her thoughts with him and led him He goes out on Halloween” trick or treat\” asks for candy; when he is bullied and fights, while checking whether he is injured, his father will ask: \”Did you win? \”The company and care of his father, mother, sister, and puppies gave him strong spiritual support. The love given to Auggie by the entire family gave him a good environment to grow up happily. The warm and loving family environment made Auggie Gained confidence and slowly integrated into campus life. For children, every time they see the tender moments from the family, they will deepen their respect and yearning for a better life; putting the sense of family rituals in front of them will feel as if their souls are being transformed. Gently touched by a pair of gentle hands, they will feel the attention and deep love from their family members. The sense of family rituals jointly established in family life helps children complete their self-awareness. What kind of emotions we convey to children, children will What kind of values ​​and sense of ritual are received, is the high quality of a family. For many parents, it may be boring to complicate these little things, thinking that no matter what they do, their love for their children will be the same; but this is very important to their children. Different, turning simple and ordinary things in life into rituals will bring two completely different feelings. Through various small rituals, emotional communication between parents and children can be enhanced during the growth process. A link that doubles the child\’s happiness. Friday is the day when Xiaohua takes handicraft classes as usual. Every time I pick her up on the way home, she will share stories about her works with me. She will tell me excitedly that every The role of details and her whimsical ideas. At this time, we can just listen quietly to the children\’s sharing. The softness in their hearts and the importance they attach to this matter should not be broken. A family with a sense of ritual can better cultivate children Happy children have a family full of rituals, and their childhood will be warm and happy. Creating a small ritual for them will also bring them more happy memories. Such a sense of ritual makes life easier It has more commemorative value and adds a color to the boring life. When I was doing psychological counseling in the past, a student told me her story, which has always been lingering in her heart. Her family did not have a birthday tradition. Her family never celebrated her birthday again. Whenever I saw other people’s family celebrating their birthdays in a lively way, I always felt sad. What I can’t forget is that on her birthday, I cooked a bowl of noodles for myself, and the result was… She was snatched away and eaten by her younger brother, and it still hurts her heart to think about it after all these years. She also loves her family very much now, but she doesn’t know how to express it. She is worried that her children will be like her in the future. I told her, you We should inject a sense of ritual into our lives, because families with a sense of ritual will be happier. Because the existence of a sense of ritual can give meaning to life when it rises in the east and sets in the west every day, even the fleeting days. You can experience and taste it delicately with your children. Finding the meaning of life in ordinary days is the best gift for parents and children.