How to educate adolescent children? This is how smart parents respond

Adolescence is the most important turning point in a child\’s growth, and it is also the most difficult period for mothers and children to communicate. How to adopt the correct parenting style and get through this period more easily? Wang Li, the author of \”Positive Discipline for Adolescent Children\”, is a best-selling author and has extensive research in psychology. This is a parenting guide dedicated to mothers. The book uses a large number of examples to point out the common behavioral and psychological changes of adolescent children, as well as the thinking mistakes that mothers make repeatedly but are not aware of when educating their children. Seeing that many mothers here must be impatient, let us open the book together and see what brand-new educational concepts and scientific discipline methods the author has. The rebellious behavior of adolescent children is manifested in a critical period in the child\’s life, which is a transition period from childhood to adulthood. We call this period \”adolescence.\” This is also a stage where the mother wants to take care of everything, but the child refuses to take care of anything. The child is rebellious and the mother is panicked and anxious. So what are the specific manifestations of rebellious behavior in adolescent children? One: Children mature earlier and they begin to imitate the behaviors of adults. There is a short story in the book. A mother called an education expert to ask whether it was normal for her fourth-grade son to have precocious puberty. Experts told this mother that today\’s children are reaching puberty earlier. All this happens when parents are unprepared. Mothers are a little overwhelmed and full of confusion. They reviewed their education methods over and over again, and kept asking themselves why their children matured so early. In fact, children mature early because their psychological development depends on changes in the surrounding environment. Compared with the past, children today are exposed to a large amount of information and have a wide range of sources of knowledge. Therefore, their psychological development exceeds their physical development speed, and coupled with rich nutrition, they enter puberty early. From the time a child is nine years old until he enters junior high school, the behavioral manifestations of puberty gradually become apparent and reach a climax in junior high school. So what should we, as parents, do in the face of our children\’s precocious maturation? From this point on, mothers should work hard to learn psychological knowledge related to their children, and use scientific methods to guide and train their children\’s behavior to help their children develop a good mind and character. We can no longer treat them as the very obedient children they used to be. As they grow up, our educational methods should also make appropriate changes. Two: The child\’s temper is getting louder and louder. Some parents often report to their teachers that their children always lose their temper for no reason at home. Sometimes they just shut themselves in the room without saying a word when they come home from school. If you want to have a good communication with your children, they will become very impatient. This situation does exist, which makes parents very distressed. They suddenly find that the communication with their children is getting less and less, and the children\’s tempers are getting louder and louder. Children are also unwilling to accept their mother\’s excessive care, and often lose their temper face to face or complain privately about their parents\’ behavior, and even such complaints have become a part of their lives.a habit. The author tells us that when children lose their temper, mothers should follow the following three dialogue principles when communicating with them: 1: Do not use a blaming tone and use interrogative sentences to ask questions. 2: Use declarative sentences to acknowledge that children have their own reasons for being angry. 3: Be sure to look into your child’s eyes when talking and learn to make eye contact. So sometimes a child loses his temper because there is a problem with the parent\’s way of expression. As long as we adjust ourselves and communicate with them correctly, we can repair the relationship and help the children go through adolescence smoothly. Three: Children are addicted to playing with mobile phones. Many parents find that their children are playing with their mobile phones even when they go to the toilet. This situation makes parents very anxious. They use both soft and hard tactics and try various methods. But in fact, they still can’t live without their mobile phones. So how can we prevent the use of mobile phones from affecting children\’s learning? First of all, in order to prevent children from gaming addiction, the first method is to implement physical isolation. This method is only suitable for young children who are very fascinated by games. Physical isolation means that you set some passwords on your mobile phone so that children cannot open it. Or it means that when your children want to play with their mobile phones, come and accompany them and do other things together. The second method is to train children\’s self-control. To cultivate children\’s self-control, parents\’ assistance is needed. Game time and learning tasks must be prescribed during training, and must be implemented consistently. The third method is to use mild punishment. This method is suitable for children with strong self-awareness. As for the intensity of mild punishment, it generally only needs to change the child\’s addictive behavior. Mobile phones are indeed very harmful to children. They not only damage their eyesight, but also easily make them slack off in their studies. As parents, only by controlling a reasonable degree can our children keep pace with the world and not relax in their studies. Four: The child is procrastinating in doing things and has the habit of procrastinating. A mother consulted a psychologist because her son had a habit of procrastinating and didn\’t know how to correct him. Her son always took his time doing things, and even if he said he would do it right away, he would not move. Homework assigned by the teacher is always delayed until the last moment before going to bed, and then completed reluctantly. I asked him to clean his room on weekends, but nothing happened until dark. These procrastinating behaviors of the child make the mother very anxious. Deep down she was anxious to find a solution. This child is not an exception, because there are indeed many children who have slowly developed the habit of dawdling. Psychologists call this mentality of not completing tasks on time \”negative procrastination.\” This phenomenon is quite common among adolescent children. According to the survey, 75% of children said that they have procrastination behavior, and 40% of them have the habit of procrastination. How can you help children break the habit of procrastination? Only by first understanding the reasons behind children\’s procrastination can we prescribe appropriate medicine to solve the problem. We found that there are two main reasons why children procrastinate: one is fear of failure, and the other is lack of determination. At this time, mothers should work harder to persuade their children. Making mistakes is a normal phenomenon, and they should be encouraged to face failure bravely. Guide children to learn time management and develop goal settingTarget habits and reasonable plans will prevent children from procrastinating. If the goal is a bit difficult to implement, then divide the big goal into many small goals, set a deadline for each small goal, and complete a little content every day to reduce the difficulty. In this way, while making progress, the children also gain confidence in achieving their goals. If we have discovered that a child has the habit of procrastinating, we must supervise him to correct it, because the habit of procrastination will spread from one area to other areas. The above content is the specific manifestation of the rebellious behavior that occurs in children during their adolescence. We always think that the mistakes parents have made over the years are caused by their children\’s rebelliousness. In fact, no, parents’ wrong education methods can also lead to children’s rebellious behavior. So what mistakes have parents made in educating their children over the years? 1: Paying too much attention to children’s scores. A school held a semester parent-teacher meeting. The teacher handed out a test sheet and asked parents to answer the questions. The content of the test paper is actually not difficult, but many parents basically failed to answer some of the previous questions. Only the last question was answered clearly by all parents. The last question was, what was the child\’s score in this midterm exam, and every parent answered it. This little incident caused us to think deeply. It turns out that most mothers pay too much attention to their children\’s scores and rarely care about other things related to their children. Some parents even only ask their children to study well and don\’t need to do anything at home. Promise them to give them whatever rewards they want after they achieve good results. This is an obviously utilitarian way of thinking. Parents have made a deal with their children to study well. So when some children do not do well in exams, they are afraid of being punished by their parents, so they secretly change the scores on the test paper. Therefore, parents who currently have this wrong education method should quickly correct themselves and truly care for, respect and understand their children, cultivate their wide range of interests and hobbies, and promote their all-round physical and mental development. Let your children grow up freely in a caring environment. 2: Satisfaction beyond ability The child has a mother. Although the family is not very wealthy, the child wears all famous brands. When she took her children out and saw the envious eyes of others, she felt particularly proud. Even though the family property was severely overdrawn, she was endlessly satisfying her children. The question is, can this kind of parenting method, which is not painful for children no matter how hard it is, really make children happy? In fact, it is more about cultivating children\’s desire for comparison. Because when you cannot satisfy your child, he will definitely complain about his family, which will lead him to view people and things more negatively and create a lot of dissatisfaction in his heart. Therefore, only children raised according to actual family economic conditions can better accept reality, accept their own shortcomings and understand their parents. When they grow up, they will have strong independence and good self-control. He also has a cheerful personality, is generous to others, and is easy to accept his own shortcomings. Three: Overly strict and authoritarian attitudes toward children. Many parents admire wolf parents and tiger mothers. They feel that only under strict education can children become successful.They even use corporal punishment on their children when they fail to meet their own requirements. There is a story in the book: There is a child whose mother is a soldier. He is usually very strict with him. As soon as his son comes home, he must turn off all the TVs, computers, and mobile phones at home, and sit down at the table to study. When it is time to rest, he listens to the music that his mother selected for him. He strictly follows the study tasks customized by his mother every day. He cannot go out to play with other friends casually and can only study at home. But in the end, in order to escape the strict control of his life, this child did not become the outstanding student his mother expected. Instead, he gradually learned to lie, and often came home late to lie to his mother. If parents are overly strict with their children, introverted children will feel helpless and will grow up to distrust others and form an anxious attachment personality. And extroverted children will resist strict control. If you continue to use violence to punish children, it will only make the child think that violence is a good way to solve problems, and he will use the same method to treat other people. Sometimes children even run away from home because of resistance. On the road to educating children, in addition to the various mistakes mentioned above, there is also the fact that parents are very protective of their children. When children obviously make mistakes, parents become the end of their troubles. Some parents also have incorrect channels for understanding their children. They peek into their children\’s diaries and follow them quietly. Now that we know, the above behaviors are wrong. Not only will they not help the children, they will also aggravate their rebellious behavior. Therefore, parents must always reflect on their own education methods, and if they are wrong, they must quickly correct them. Extraordinary Parents Create Extraordinary Children The root cause of adolescent children\’s mistakes is actually due to their poor cognitive judgment, poor emotional refinement ability, and immature psychological development. After knowing the reasons, parents should use a correct educational concept to help guide them out of the rebellious period of youth. So what can you do to become an excellent mother? The book gives the following suggestions: 1: Encourage children to try more, convey a signal of trust to them, and cultivate a correct attitude towards failure. Two: Don’t compare with other children, but see some progress in your children. Learn positive incentives and cues to keep them from giving up. Three: Help children establish a positive self-image, so that when they encounter difficulties, they can learn to take positive challenges and be full of confidence. Four: Create a warm emotional environment for children and truly teach by words and deeds. Five: Don’t just focus on your child’s scores, you must not ignore your child’s life lessons. In addition to the above requirements, the last one is crucial for the cultivation and establishment of children\’s life courses. Life lessons are meant to develop their happiness and personal abilities. Perhaps when children grow up, their outstanding talents will enable them to have a very good job, but if they also have excellent qualities, their work will become better and better, and their lives will become happier and happier. Some middle schools in the United States use an effort score system to measure children. Among them is a famous private middle school with a very famous \”101 \”Effort System\”. It uses seven indicators including academic performance, life attitude and interpersonal relationships to measure students. The standard of this system is not to see how smart the students are, but to see how hard the students work and how much responsibility they have. In a child\’s life, in addition to mastering knowledge, interpersonal relationships, life attitude and sense of responsibility are also very important. Only when parents pay attention to their children\’s life lessons can they learn to think critically when they grow up and face problems; learn to own Wise decision-making methods, so as to make wise choices. Only by doing the above can we become a qualified parent and raise excellent children. Accompanying children to grow up with the right love, after reading the book, we will find that in fact, all There is a key point in parenting anxiety, and that is what kind of parent-child relationship we have with our children. Is it a good relationship or a bad relationship. This relationship directly affects their behavior in adolescence. Sometimes we feel The relationship with the children is very bad. I always feel that my children are naughty and disobedient. Now we know that many problems actually lie with the parents themselves. Teaching by words and deeds is not just as simple as what you say, but also by doing it. Yes, and we must persevere. It seems that sometimes we are wrong in the concept of educating children, and there will be some misunderstandings in the way of thinking. After learning, we should work hard to correct it. Parents should also Accompanying children to grow up is not only about self-growth, but also about providing them with a warm family atmosphere. Let them grow up in an atmosphere of love and confidence, so that children can be generous to others, trust classmates, and Make good friends. And be able to solve problems independently, and muster up the courage to fight again when facing failure. And learn to be grateful and motivated, and face everything optimistically. Therefore, whether the child has a good future and a happy life depends on the parent. Do we have the correct educational philosophy and a warm and harmonious family environment? So dear parents, are you ready to welcome your children\’s adolescence? Let\’s work hard to be the best version of ourselves!