Why do you care so much about what so-called experts/parents say about your children?

A friend sent me a message saying that she took her 5-year-old daughter to participate in the selection of a training institution. At the end, the director of the institution specially communicated with her and pointed out various problems with her daughter, the most critical of which was that her daughter Inattention, lack of concentration, there is a little sound next to it, and the eyes immediately turn away. The director said that there are very few little girls who are as inattentive as my friend\’s daughter. She asked her friend to pay attention and take her daughter to check whether she has attention disorder. If parents don\’t pay attention, her daughter\’s academic performance will definitely be affected when she goes to school. The director\’s words made her friend nervous. She also discovered early on that her daughter\’s attention was indeed not concentrated every time she was taught to read and write. She was also worried, but she also found that her daughter played with her favorite toys and dolls every time. , various dolls, and can concentrate on playing for a long time, so she also told herself that maybe her daughter has not found interest in learning yet, which is why she has such inconcentration. But the director\’s words made my friend nervous. She was worried that the child had attention disorder as the director said, so she sent me a message asking me what to do. I first comforted her and asked her how she felt when she heard the director\’s comments. If the director\’s words made her feel nervous or scared, what was she worried about? After her nervousness and worry were dealt with, we discussed the impact of concentration on academic performance. I told her that for children around 5 years old, don’t jump to the conclusion that the child has attention disorder. If the child can concentrate on things she likes, it means she does not have attention disorder. When you hear that your child is inattentive, you should reflect on whether this is something she likes. It is normal to be unable to concentrate on things she does not like. The friend felt a little relieved, but not long after, she asked what she should do if her daughter couldn\’t concentrate on her studies. I told her that if she was inattentive to learning, she should reflect on whether the way she taught her children was boring and failed to attract their interest. At the same time, she should take a comprehensive look at whether the child\’s learning ability was sufficient and whether the child\’s abilities could support her learning. Interest in learning needs to be cultivated, and study habits also need to be cultivated. At this stage, as long as the child can concentrate on studying for 5 minutes, it means that there is no problem with her concentration. In the later time, gradually extend the attention span, and the child will naturally get better and better. A friend said that a child\’s concentration time when studying is about 8 or 9 minutes. I told her that was already very good, and she should take her time in the rest of the time. Learning is a lifelong process, and the cultivation of attention is not something that can be achieved overnight. It needs to be gradually cultivated as the child grows, and the time of concentration must be continuously extended. Never think that there is something wrong with your child just because of what one or two seemingly experienced people say about your child. But in life, what we do most often is to believe the evaluations of so-called authorities and experts. When some \”experts\” and \”authorities\” in our minds comment that there is a problem with our children, even if we don\’t believe it in our hearts, we will begin to doubt the child. Duoduo is a 4-year-old boy. The kindergarten held a garden activity that day, and his mother took Duoduo to participate. SeveralAfter participating in this project, both my mother and Duoduo were very happy. Just then, the director came over. Mom greeted the director politely. The principal looked at Duoduo and said, \”I just made a special observation about your child. He can\’t calm down. I\’ve seen him do exercises several times. The other children are very serious, but he keeps moving. He\’s like this.\” If there is a problem, you\’d better take the child to the hospital for a check-up to see if the child has ADHD.\” Duoduo\’s mother, who was originally very excited, suddenly became very frustrated. Duoduo is an active child, she knows. Duoduo has liked to run around since he was a child and rarely has quiet time. Teachers have also reported this many times. She talks a lot, is very lively, and doesn\’t really listen to instructions. She especially likes to run around during class breaks and can\’t stop once she goes to the playground. Sitting in the classroom, I make a lot of little moves. I talk even more when I am with children. Sometimes I will actively provoke children. I will suddenly slap others hard from behind and then run away immediately, or make faces at the children, which is very funny. Everyone laughed. It\’s just that Duoduo\’s mother has always regarded Duoduo\’s condition as naughty and has never connected it with ADHD. The principal\’s words made her panic. She told Duoduo\’s father about the principal\’s comments, and Duoduo\’s father suddenly became nervous. He checked the symptoms of ADHD and sent it to Duoduo\’s mother. The more they looked at it, the more they felt that Duoduo had ADHD. Duoduo\’s mother was no longer in the mood to participate in the subsequent recreational activities. After much thought, the couple decided to take Duoduo for a checkup and diagnosis. They registered a specialist number at the Children\’s Hospital and took Duoduo for a series of examinations. The results showed that Duoduo was indeed active, but the doctor said that Duoduo was not diagnosed with ADHD. level, let them take their children home and observe again. This conclusion made Dodo\’s mother breathe a sigh of relief. I originally thought that the matter would just go away. One day two months later, Duoduo\’s mother went to the kindergarten to pick up Duoduo. When she was going down the stairs, Duoduo and her classmates were chasing each other on the stairs, and the principal happened to see her. The director immediately stopped them. When seeing Duoduo\’s mother, the principal mentioned Duoduo\’s problem again. Duoduo\’s mother said that she had Duoduo checked and it was not ADHD. But the principal shook her head and said that based on her experience, Duoduo\’s problems were definitely not simple, and she asked Duoduo\’s mother to detect them early and deal with them early to avoid causing big problems in the future. Duoduo\’s mother finally calmed down, but she was upset again. She took her child to various attention institutions for many tests, and the conclusions she got made her even more panicked. Some said that the child had a problem and needed to be treated quickly, while others said that the child\’s performance was considered normal. Duoduo\’s mother didn\’t know what to do. . A friend happened to know that I knew about children’s attention disorders, so he recommended Duoduo Mama to me. After listening to Duoduo\’s mother\’s story, I asked her whether she would like to believe the conclusions of various institutions and other people\’s evaluations of her children in just a few minutes of testing, or whether she would like to believe in her own judgment and how she gets along with her children every day. Down feeling, believe the child is normal? Duoduo\’s mother thought about it and told me that she was willing to believe in her own judgment and that her child was normal. We communicated a lot, and finally she decided that no matter what others said about the child, she would not judge the child maliciously. Regarding the child\’s behavioral problems, she made up her mind to change kindergartens and spend more time at the same time.Accompany your children, give them more patience, tolerate them, and give them correct guidance for their problems. Duoduo is now a first-grade primary school student. His performance is normal in all aspects and he has no hyperactivity problem at all. In life, there are many examples like Duoduo. Some children who are as lively as Duoduo are evaluated as having attention disorder and ADHD, and parents are required to take their children for examination. There are also some children who are just the opposite of Duoduo. They behave unsociably in the group and do not listen to instructions. They are suspected of having autism. Some children are judged to be manic, depressed, etc… No matter what the purpose of these people\’s evaluation of children is, when a child is labeled like this, it will cause a heavy burden on both the child and the parents. The child will become an unsociable special child in the strange eyes of the people around him, and the parents will have to worry and worry every day. Any behavior of the child may make him deepen these negative evaluations and fall into more fearful and helpless emotions. . And this is like a vicious cycle. Because of our inner panic, helplessness and fear, we are more concerned about our children\’s problems. When we can\’t find the direction in our hearts, we hope to use external forces to judge our children. Judgments from the outside world will aggravate our panic and helplessness, and also make us more convinced. I do not deny that there are indeed some children who become special children for various reasons, but precisely because of the existence of these special conditions, we must be more cautious when evaluating children and dealing with their various problems. Ten years ago, when I was studying children’s behavioral problems, my teacher told us not to make judgments easily without complete observation and detailed understanding. Especially when diagnosing children’s problems, we must be cautious, unless we are dealing with children’s problems. Your growth status, family background, and reactions in various scenarios have all been fully understood and evaluated. Otherwise, when you are not sure about your decision, don’t even say the words “maybe”, because these words are all possible. To allow an innocent child to be labeled cast a shadow over his family and carry a heavy burden. Therefore, those who observe children for a few minutes and then draw conclusions are ultimately irresponsible to the child and his family. Also because these conclusions are too one-sided, when we hear various negative comments about children, we must not take it too seriously just because it is said by an authority. How you feel about getting along with your children every day and your own judgment of your children\’s problems are crucial. Every child has different abilities. Some children are lively and outgoing, some are silent and introverted, some children have a particularly strong ability to absorb certain knowledge, and some children have to learn it many times before they can master it. In terms of attention issues, , even more so, the concentration or lack of concentration involves a wide range of factors, and the evaluation of children is definitely not a simple scale. You can easily draw conclusions based on just a few minutes of observation. A child\’s behavior and lack of attention on certain occasions does not mean that he has an attention disorder. He may not like that thing, or his eyes may be attracted to things he likes when participating. There are many reasons, but the conclusion It must not be taken lightly. To take a step back, even if the child does have some problems in a short period of time,Defects and problems, but we cannot label children arbitrarily because of this, because every child is growing up, and their way of growing and absorbing may be different from what we commonly see. When we feel that we can’t teach our children how to , maybe the child is learning and absorbing in his own way, if we wait patiently, provide enough nutrients and soil, and give him enough space. Don\’t rush or force, just wait for the child to grow, and the child\’s performance will get better and better day by day. On the contrary, if we cannot wait patiently for our children and judge and label them at will, the children may fall into the abyss. His self-confidence and self-esteem will be frustrated. Raise children, teach them three points, teach them seven points, etc. Some children mature early and some mature late, and they each have various growth trajectories. What parents have to do is to believe in their children, let them grow up slowly with patient companionship and infinite tolerance, and allow them time and space to experience, experience, and comprehend. When their physical and mental abilities are what they should be at their actual age. When the child is healthy, the child will grow into what he should be. Every child has unlimited possibilities. As parents, we need the courage and wisdom to wait for the flowers to bloom!