At what age should children sleep in separate rooms? Don’t make the same mistakes again

Some time ago, a mother asked me, at what age did Xiao Xiaoyu sleep in separate beds? This question really gave me a lot to say. If you ask us, the process of sleeping with our children is smooth or not? The answer is that the process was not smooth and full of sadness. Because a long time ago, Xiao Xiaoyu succeeded in sleeping separately, but because of the mistakes we made, he came back again. When he was more than 3 years old, we tried to sleep separately, and Xiao Xiaoyu agreed, but every time he needed We can\’t leave until we\’re coaxed to sleep. As it turned out, it was winter, and my mother was afraid that the child would be cold, and I was worried too, so I pulled him back into our bed and told him to wait. When he was more than 4 years old, he had successfully slept separately for more than a month. However, my grandma came to live with us because there was not enough room at home, so she asked him to sleep with us. At that time, we thought that the child could do it anyway, and we would wait until the old man returned to his hometown. Let him sleep separately. As a result, when grandma came home, the little guy refused to go back to his room. When school started this year, he was over 5 years old. I thought it would be better to let him sleep in separate beds, so I mentioned it to him. At first he was very firm and refused. We were told to wait, and finally we agreed to wait another 30 days. After waiting for a month, I told him and reluctantly agreed. But he ran over that night. There is no way. At the beginning, we have to accept him and let him make a transition. But I was still thinking about what to do? Is he insecure? No, I\’m absolutely sure of that. Is it because he is under age? In fact, there is no problem with his ability to take care of himself. He can get up, drink water, and go to the toilet by himself. And it has been successful before. The problem is that we made mistakes in the middle and did not pay attention to this matter. As a result, over the course of three years, both adults and children suffered a lot. So, the problem is not the child, but our approach. The key is to find a way. What is comforting is that sleeping separately has been successful now. Just sharing my experience, don’t make the same mistake we did. When is the best age to sleep separately? Recommended for ages 4-6. Don’t do it too early, for example, don’t rush to sleep separately before the age of 3. Because 3 years old is the key for children to enter kindergarten (collective life). It will be much better if they first adapt to collective life and get over this psychological separation before discussing sleeping together. Psychologist Winnicott said: \”I think that in terms of maturity, individuals should not mature prematurely and should not be established as an individual when they are still at an age of relative dependence.\” I very much agree with this statement, So after I turned 4 years old, I started preparing and trying to sleep separately. And most children enter the \”sexual bud stage\” between the ages of 4 and 6. Careful parents will find that their children\’s sexual behavior is relatively active during this period, such as touching their genitals, clamping their thighs, etc. Children begin to realize the sexual differences between men and women, and begin to develop curiosity and preliminary understanding of the genders of men and women. Parents should consciously educate their children about sex. And at this stage, sleeping in separate rooms can be considered based on the actual situation of the child. Of course, it’s not too late. It’s best to complete sleeping arrangements before the age of 7, at least in separate beds. Because the older the children are, the harder it is to separate. When preparing to sleep in separate rooms with your children, you must first be mentally prepared. If you sleep separately for the sake of hurting your child\’s sense of security, then this isMost unworthy. So don\’t rush into separate sleeps before your child is ready. And during the process of sleeping separately, when the child resists, asks for help, or cries, we must pay attention and provide psychological care. I think that when the child\’s self-care ability is reached, you can tentatively ask the child if he is ready to sleep separately? When a child is hesitant, parents can encourage him. Material rewards can even be given. For example, if you do it, you can get a gift prepared by your parents to reward you for your courage. Before sleeping separately this time, one day I showed Xiao Xiaoyu a photo of his favorite toy gun. He said that he would be rewarded when he successfully slept separately for a month. At that time he happily accepted the agreement. But two days later, he said to me, \”Dad, I don\’t think I can do it.\” \”Don\’t you want to win that cool gun?\” \”I don\’t want it anymore!\” he said frustratedly. To be honest, this is the ending I least expected to see. But children sometimes choose to give up on challenges and at the same time give up on their goals. what to do? I was not in a hurry and said to him: \”Then let\’s try again and keep the prize first. When you do it one day, dad will reward you. Dad believes you can do it.\” What else can I do? I was thinking about this on the way back from picking him up from school. Talk to him about courage. Let’s start with my own lack of bravery as a child. Then I talked about my split sleeping and told him that I couldn\’t do it at first. I said to him, \”Do you know what the darkness uses to scare people?\” \”It\’s our fear. The more afraid we are, the happier the darkness is and the more it bullies us.\” \”When you have the courage, drive away Fear, and the darkness will run away!\” He talked with me about this topic for a long time. We talk for a while every day, like telling a story. But he was already thinking in his heart. Before sleeping separately, practical training in sleeping independently is particularly important. If your child dares not sleep separately, you must first find out the reason. So, he told me that he didn’t dare to sleep because he was afraid of the dark. After I gave him psychological encouragement, I tried to find a way to give the child a convenient night light, such as one that turns on by just touching it. If the child is afraid to go to the toilet and drink water. Then you can tell your children that mom and dad’s room door is unlocked and if you are really scared, you can come to us. Then you can conduct some training on the child, such as which lights to turn on, and a scenario simulation, so that he will not be afraid when he gets up at night and know what to do. He also told me that he was afraid of the horrific images seen on TV. One day I listened patiently to him describing a scene he was afraid of. Then explain it to him one by one so that he feels it is not scary. I remember one very interesting detail. He said that he once saw a little baby crawling around in a dark room, but he didn\’t see anyone. I know what he\’s afraid of. So I asked him if he had anything else, and he said there was none. I completed the story and told him that the child\’s parents were in the next room and would come to see him soon. In fact, he was afraid that without us around, he would feel like the child in the image. There is always a reason for a child\’s resistance. Parents must patiently interpret their children\’s inner world. can trulyHelp them. After sleeping separately, remember to compensate the child for the intimate time in time. In fact, the biggest reason why children don’t want to sleep separately is that they don’t want to be separated from their parents. And this is one of the reasons why we let our children sleep separately. Because when the children are 0-3 years old, we give them close love, but after the children turn 3 years old, they need to start to become independent, and we have to learn to let go. Therefore, when the child is in the process of sleeping separately, or after sleeping separately. Remember to let your children feel loved. For example, remember to say good night to your children every day and give them a kiss before going to bed: Mom and Dad will always love you and will always protect you. It would be great if you can tell your children warm and sweet stories before going to bed. Let the child fall asleep with a sweet story in his heart. Never push your child away until he or she is ready. You can try sleeping on separate quilts. When the child is older, if possible, add a small bed in the room and start sleeping in separate beds. Then transition to sleeping in separate rooms. Of course, in the process of sleeping separately, there will also be repetitions. The child who has successfully slept separately comes to see you again in the middle of the night. what to do? We calm the child down and then take him back to his bed to sleep. Then you can talk to your child the next day. What is the reason? Continue to encourage him. Then one day, the child is really ready in his heart. Ability to sleep independently and courageously by oneself. During the whole process, do not lose your temper easily, use punishment with caution, and it is best not to use it. Even if it needs to be used, it can only be used once at most. Because love is more important than this. And have enough patience and maintain a gentle but firm attitude. Gentleness will give children love and courage. And being firm allows children to make decisions and learn to persevere.