With this kind of emotional education for young children, children will never be ruined by being \”sensible\”

A few days ago, I was browsing Weibo and came across a short video. A foreign father is comforting his daughter. The daughter blushed, lowered her head, said nothing, and looked like she had just lost her temper. Faced with such a daughter, what did the father say? Is there any of the things we are used to saying, \”You get angry over this, why are you so petty?\” or \”He didn\’t mean it on purpose.\”? The father told his daughter: \”You don\’t have to be happy, and you don\’t have to force yourself, but the important thing is that you don\’t stay immersed in anger.\” Tell the child that you don\’t have to force yourself to pretend to be happy. Dad went on to say: \”As for anger, you have to accept it and respect it, and you have to learn to let it go; but if you can\’t do it, then let it be, we still love you.\” Tell your children that even if you make trouble Your temper will not affect your parents and family\’s love for you. The father told his daughter: \”It\’s no big deal to be angry. You can be angry with anyone, including yourself, but don\’t let this mood dominate you for too long, because it will cause problems if it lasts too long.\” Tell the child that you can be angry, But don\’t be angry for too long. At this time, my daughter was finally willing to speak. She said, \”I don\’t like you scolding me.\” Dad then told her: \”I don\’t really want to scold you. Sometimes you say that to me. Sometimes I don\’t mind, sometimes I get angry. The most important thing is to speak out and let me know where your bottom line is.\” , I will respect your bottom line and never cross it.\” Tell your child, please tell me what you mind, and I will never joke about something you don\’t like. Finally, the father said to his daughter: \”You can vent loudly or use a pillow to vent your anger. You can stamp your feet. As long as you can get rid of the bad mood, you can do any of these things. Tell the child that it is allowed to vent moderately in order to get rid of the bad mood. , as long as it is on the basis of not hurting yourself or others. I have watched this video several times. It is only 1 and a half minutes, and it can be called a textbook of emotional education. Click here for the full video? This dad What he said makes me, a mother, feel a little ashamed. As parents, we often face children who \”lose their temper\”, but not every parent can educate their children so patiently every time. They are easily ignored by parents. What was lost happened to be a crucial lesson in children’s life: emotional education. A friend Li in the background left a message and shared with me the difficulties she encountered recently. Last weekend, Li took her 5-year-old daughter to the mall to buy I told my daughter in advance that she would go home after shopping and not go to the amusement park. My daughter promised well, but when she passed by the amusement park after shopping, she insisted on going to play and refused to listen. Li went up and grabbed her daughter. Her daughter threw away her hand and stood at the entrance of the playground and started wiping her tears, which attracted many people\’s attention. Li was so embarrassed that she got angry at her daughter, who simply sat on the ground and cried. Li said that she and her husband both have short tempers. Every time my daughter gets into trouble, her parents criticize her and immediately shut up. I don’t know what’s going on these days. She always cries, gets angry, and loses her temper over the smallest things. A few days ago, the kindergarten teacher called her and told her that her daughter While playing games, she pushed other children. Li felt very depressed: Why did her daughter, who had always been good-tempered, suddenly becomeGot an ignorant child? Like Li, many parents may suddenly discover one day: \”The child\’s temper seems to have turned bad all of a sudden.\” In fact, the child\’s temper does not turn bad \”all of a sudden.\” It is a small outburst of bad emotions, or it is suppressed for a long time. , or it is improper guidance. When you see it, it is just a quantitative change to a qualitative change. Even if you are a parent, you have seen the following scene before. \”Mom, do I want to eat XX?\” \”You can\’t eat XX. If you eat it, your tooth will hurt, and you will cough and get sick.\” \”I want to eat it.\” \”I can\’t eat it if I say I can\’t!\” (It started as a power struggle) Children He started crying, fussing, and stood still. \”If you want to cry, just cry here, I don\’t care about you!\” (naked threat) When the parents threw away their sleeves, the children howled and chased after them. The more stern parents will directly say: \”Why are you crying? Hold it back immediately, do you hear me!\” Hold back your tears and endure your anger… This is the way many parents \”solve\” their children\’s emotions. practice. Doing so does not take into account the child\’s emotions, does not pay attention to the child\’s feelings, and does not truly solve the child\’s problem. It is ineffective and terrible. My classmate Ning is a child who has known how to \”hold back your tears\” since childhood. Mom and Dad are very busy at work and are always impatient and very strict with their children. Once, Ning\’s brother got angry because he wanted to buy an electric car. His father beat him in the street and told him, \”I won\’t let you cry anymore.\” Ning, who was following him, saw this and clenched his little hands in fear. Ning\’s personality is actually quite lively, but since then, she has always been cautious when she was with her parents. She didn\’t dare to cry when she was wronged, and didn\’t dare to lose her temper when she got angry. She became more and more withdrawn. Ning said: \”These little things are nothing to parents, but they have always affected her in adolescence.\” She is cautious and \”sensible\” when dating her boyfriend. When she is in a bad mood or has troubles, she just secretly sheds tears, as if Expressing one\’s emotions is a very uncomfortable thing. What is not allowed or accepted is behavior. Obviously any emotion of a child is allowed and accepted! The excessive self-sacrifice and self-anaesthesia that you experience when you grow up all started when you were young and didn\’t dare to express yourself. The extreme end of the lack of emotional education is emotional loss of control. The Chongqing bus crashing into the river has experienced twists and turns. The truth turned out to be that a female passenger who missed the bus got into a fight with the driver, causing the vehicle to lose control. Behind the out-of-control vehicle are out-of-control emotions. A child who has not received family emotional education at home may have problems with social and emotional management in the future. The lack of emotional education not only affects the frustration and depression in childhood, but may also affect children for more than ten years or even decades. How should we educate our children about emotions? I am reminded of a passage that Tsai Kangyong said: This passage is suitable for adults as well as for children. To do a good job in educating children about their emotions, in fact, the foreign father has already given the best answer, which is: accept, recognize, guide, and let go. First, respect your child’s bad temper. What children who lose their temper need most is “empathy” from their parents. Just like the father said, “Sometimes I get angry and unhappy.” wantTeach children to identify emotions and let them know that sadness, anger, and rage are normal emotional expressions. Everyone wants to lose their temper sometimes. Never instill in your children \”I don\’t like it when you cry\” or \”I don\’t like it when you lose your temper.\” I don’t want you if you have a bad temper” and other opinions. Second, what is more important than relieving emotions is finding the reasons why children lose their temper or cry, which often makes adults very annoyed. At this time, both parties may wish to \”cold-treat\” the situation a little, and after calming down, guide the child to express his true thoughts. Please remember that there is no unreasonable tantrum. There must be a reason behind your child\’s bad temper, and it is your responsibility to find that reason with patience. Third, the way to teach children to control their emotions is to allow them to express their emotions in their own way, and also to allow them to solve problems and control their emotions in their own way. Even small disruptions, venting, and being unreasonable are all a way of solving problems for them, and parents should be careful observers, patient guides, and attentive participants. Fourth, please control your emotions first. Some people say that communication between parents and children is 70% emotion and 30% content. If there is a problem with emotions, no matter how good the content is, it will be meaningless. When we can\’t even control our own emotions, how can we educate our children? Emotional education may not be as \”pragmatic\” as cultural classes, nor as \”useful\” as specialty classes. But if a child is not good at academics, he can study hard to improve. If his cultural classes are not up to standard, he can go to a cram school. However, if he misses a crucial lesson in his growth, he may be unable to make up for it throughout his life. In the class of emotional education, maybe we are not doing a perfect job, but if we recognize this problem, we can make changes from the next minute.