How to teach children to lie? Good thing, don\’t screw it up

Recently, a sister asked me \”worriedly\”, what should I do if my child learns to lie? Will he be a liar in the future? Will you suffer from this when you grow up… Actually, I have also gone through this stage. I remember that a few years ago, Xiaochuan often did things in front of me, which made me dumbfounded. For example, he apparently ate chocolate sauce secretly and accidentally broke the bottle. He also told me that my grandpa was hungry at night and wanted to spread the bread to eat, but he couldn\’t hold it firmly and it was broken. But the corners of his mouth were covered with chocolate sauce! Watching him talk nonsense in a serious manner made me feel funny and angry at the same time. For example, he told me that his stomach hurt so much that he couldn\’t go to English class. As soon as I turned around, I ran around and around with my neighbor friends in the community garden. …Experts say that every child will lie. In fact, every child will lie. This is a necessary process for a child to grow up. In a classic study in 1989 at the Medical University of New Jersey, researchers took some children around 3 years old alone into a room equipped with a monitor. Tell the children that there is a \”surprise toy\” on the table and ask them not to peek at the toy. The researcher then left the room. It was found from the monitor that most of the children peeked. The researcher returned to the room and asked the child if he or she had peeked. As a result, almost all the kids lied and said they didn\’t peek. Focusing on children\’s lying for 20 years, a team of developmental psychologist Professor Li Kang from the University of Toronto in Canada found that 30% of 2-year-old children can lie. By the age of 3, the lying rate reaches 50%. After the age of 4, almost all Children will lie. Learning to lie since the age of 2? Do the math, how many years have you been \”cheated\” by your child? Lying shows that the mind is developing and self-awareness is budding. Professor Li Kang\’s research also found that lying is a part of normal growth, indicating that children are discovering things \”I know that you don\’t know.\” Once a child has the idea of ​​\”I know but you don\’t know\”, he may consciously do some concealment behavior because he only thinks: \”If I can discover something and you can\’t, then I\’m so awesome.\” What does this mean? It means that children\’s self-awareness is beginning to sprout and their mental thinking is developing. They no longer \”tell the truth\” without thinking, but gradually learn to \”think first\” before speaking. Isn\’t this a big improvement? If a child lies, the key is to distinguish whether he is lying normally or lying abnormally. Sometimes, he would say: Mom, I have never had ice cream. Mom, my feet are really not obedient and I can\’t walk anymore. How about you give me a hug? Mom, all the mothers of the children in our class bought them Superman clothes, but I didn’t have any. …….. He is actually expressing a wish and putting forward a demand tactfully. They are learning a new way of expressing themselves that they think will be easier for adults to understand. Ogawa used to be particularly fond of Ultraman and often made up some stories in which he participated based on the cartoons he had watched. It\’s so true that it sounds like it\’s true. Because they are still children after all and cannot clearly distinguish the difference between reality and fiction, reality and imagination. They also have rich imagination and are not influenced by our adult world.Because of the constraints of the world, they often create things and situations through \”imagination\”. When a child makes up an imaginary friend, such as an Ultraman friend, it means that he is building a space of his own. He is learning to separate from his parents and move towards his own independence. Therefore, the above two situations are normal lying. And of course there is abnormal lying, which means he lies deliberately. Sometimes, he would say: Mom, the kitten on the sofa was not drawn by me, but by grandpa. Mom, the vase wasn\’t broken, it was Xiaoqiang next door. Mom, I washed the dishes today. ….He uses intentional lies to shirk responsibility and protect himself. But why did he do this? It is because according to his experience, if he admits bad things, he will be punished, but if he admits good things, he will be rewarded. What a smart child will do, he will take a way that is beneficial to him at that time. Please be rational about the sensitive period for lying. Every child will have a sensitive period for lying. Just like when a child chews his hands during the oral sensitive period, we cannot say that he is unhygienic; when he throws things around during the sensitive period of his hands, we cannot say that he is causing damage; During his sensitive period for lying, we cannot blindly criticize him from a moral standpoint. The sensitive period for lying is also a stage for children’s self-recognition and self-practice. As parents, you should think about how to help your children go through the sensitive period smoothly. After a smooth transition, your children will gain a clear self-awareness and stronger executive ability, and have a solid, safe and rational personality. Speaking of which, have you begun to accept the fact that your child is \”lying\”? And, I started to think about it, should I be more rational when faced with children who habitually lie? Since lying has nothing to do with quality at the beginning and is just a stage of a child\’s mental development, we should be calm, calm, and calm again. When faced with these innocuous lies, there is no need to dismantle him face to face, let alone tell him bluntly that \”it\’s wrong.\” \”That\’s fake\”. Don’t let suppression, beating and scolding prevent your children from self-exploration. It\’s better to learn to appreciate his weirdness and give him care and support. We can try to use gentle methods to resolve children\’s lies. When he pretended to ask me to hug him, he said, \”Do you want mom to hug me? In fact, mom also wants to hug the baby.\” This made him feel a little embarrassed. He felt that, to be honest, mom also wanted to hug the baby. Hug me. Over time, the child may stop lying to achieve his goals. Respect and accept his \”virtual friends\” and protect his precious imagination, but at the same time help him understand the difference between reality and imagination. When he breaks something and refuses to admit it, and wants to shirk the blame and cover up, we must first calm ourselves down and not lose our minds in anger. Because fundamentally, his lies stem from our inappropriate responses. Think about it, if a child makes a mistake and we always punish him, over time, he will naturally make lying a subconscious choice to avoid consequences because he is afraid of punishment, anger and disappointment. It\’s better to sit down and have a good chat, make your position clear, and tell him that it\’s not terrible if he does something wrong, he can be forgiven, and if something breaks, he can repair it or buy a new one. oneYou must tell your mother honestly. If you lie, your mother will be very sad. Relatives should trust each other. In the end, what children need to learn is honesty and bravery, and what we need to learn is to face the various difficulties in children\’s growth.