Many parents are \”sick\” but want their children to \”take medicine\”

Today’s article is for treating “disease”. Please don’t pigeonhole me because we all have some of these conditions, myself included. The only difference is that some parents have discovered it and are working on self-reflection and treatment. Some parents don\’t take it seriously, but feel that they are right and it is only their children who are wrong. When a parent becomes a parent, one needs to be brave enough to make changes. Say goodbye to your bad past self. Why do you say that? Take me for example, my storage habits are very bad. He likes to put things in a haphazard manner, and for this reason, he often receives criticism from his wife. But after having Xiao Xiaoyu. I\’m still trying to correct it, even though I\’m not doing well. But at least he saw his clothes casually thrown on the sofa. I have to take it back to my room quickly or put it in the washing machine. When my wife taught Xiao Xiaoyu how to organize things, I was there to encourage her. \”It\’s a good thing to organize your own belongings and learn to classify them! Come on!\” But you definitely don\’t know that before I had children, my answer was: \’Why do you have to organize it! I just like this feeling of freedom! ’ Then my wife became so angry that she stopped arguing with me. As parents, we are not just ourselves. Instead, he became the father or mother of his child. The identity is different. Everything they do is watched by a pair of little eyes, and they imitate it silently. You are a living role model. Therefore, when a child has problems with his behavior or habits. Don’t rush to give your child “medicine” to solve the problem. Because the real sick people are the parents. If you are careful enough, you will find that there are so many ridiculous parents! Friends who do psychological counseling often encounter parents like this. They talked about their children\’s problems on the phone. Some parents will choose to take their children to see a psychologist, hoping that the doctor can help solve the problem. Once, a friend met a mother who took her 10-year-old boy for consultation. The boy has a very bad temper. He loses his temper whenever something goes wrong, and when it gets serious, he bangs his head against the wall. And he has very low self-esteem and has few friends. The mother said she hoped psychotherapy could help her child become happy. But when the treatment entered the critical period, it was discovered that the child\’s problem lay with the parents. Because his parents had been quarreling for years, the furniture and appliances at home had to be replaced soon. Because when there was a quarrel, his father would beat his mother, and his mother would break things. When the doctor told the mother: \”The child\’s problems are actually caused by you, you have to change yourself first.\” Unexpectedly, the mother became angry and said, \”What did my son say to you? He has no business with his father and me.\” No, there\’s no need for him to take care of it. We can handle it ourselves, and we won\’t change just because you say so.\” The child never appeared again. I heard that his mother took him to another psychological counseling clinic. She must be expecting a psychiatrist to help her child solve his troubles and make him happy. But in this family environment, which doctor can guarantee that the child will be happy? I think the result will definitely not be good. But the mother will feel much better inside. She will feel that she has at least seen a doctor for her child. I feel that I have fulfilled my responsibilities as a mother, butUnfortunately, I couldn\’t find a good psychiatrist, and the treatment was of no use to the child. Thinking about it this way, I really feel heartbroken for this boy. Most parents have these diseases. The first is violence. If you search on Zhihu, you will see many people asking \”How to get rid of violent parents?\” Some people said: My mother has a strong and violent personality. She gets angry, curses and even fights over the smallest things. If you make a small mistake, you will be beaten. For example, if you come home a little late sometimes, or if you accidentally make the house dirty, you will be criticized. When he is in a bad mood, he just slaps him in the face. Now that I am a mother myself, I can’t bear to spank my children, but sometimes I can’t help but be cruel to them. At that moment, I seemed to see myself as a child. I was very upset inside. It\’s normal for us to have tempers. But taking your temper out on your children is definitely a \”disease\”. Suppose a child accidentally breaks a bowl or vase. what would you do? One day, Xiao Xiaoyu accidentally broke the vase in the living room. At the time I sensed he was frightened. Looking at me carefully, with a hint of panic. I calmly went to get a broom and cleaned up the broken glass. Tell him to be careful next time to avoid breaking it again. Even though I said this, he was still very nervous. In fact, when a mistake is made, the child himself has already realized it. In a situation of high tension, if you bombard him indiscriminately, it would be strange not to cause a psychological shadow on him. As a parent, the most important practice should be temper management. When you face a child who makes a mistake, you can really analyze the problem calmly. Guide your child firmly but calmly to solve problems. It’s a good thing for both the kids and you. The second is to lie and break trust with the child. Many parents will say, \”I lied to my child, but I couldn\’t help it. I lied because I loved him and didn\’t want to see him sad.\” This is just a high-sounding excuse. Just like many times, you interfere with and control children under the banner of love. So, please cherish your children’s trust in you. In the beginning, when parents make promises to their children, they must find ways to fulfill their promises. Xiao Xiaoyu will often say: \”Dad promised it!\” Sometimes it may be which movie I agreed to watch with him a week ago, but I am so busy that I forget. When mom says it’s a little late and can’t watch today, go to bed early. He said it was his father who agreed. Then I have to take this responsibility. \”I\’m so sorry! It\’s all dad\’s fault for not remembering the time. Since dad agreed, let\’s see!\” This is not the child\’s problem, but my own fault for forgetting the time. I have to apologize. At the same time, keep your promises, but also solve the current problems. \”But mom is right, it\’s too late and it\’s not enough. Then let\’s watch it first, and then fall asleep after watching it for 30 minutes. You know, continue reading, okay?\” At this time, the child will agree. Because you fought for him and thought about him. If parents keep breaking appointments, even if there is a good reason, the break is a fact. If things go on like this, your children will no longer trust you. In severe cases, they may become distrustful of others. For example, they don’t trust teachers and friends. Then his relationships will become very bad. Disloyalty to parents willleading to tragedy in a child\’s life. The third type is stubbornness and saving face. There are countless parents in this category. For the sake of one\’s own face, regardless of the child\’s small self-esteem. Many times, when a child makes a mistake, no matter what the occasion, some parents will yell and yell, forcing the child to admit their mistake, and even fight. Or if you feel embarrassed because of your child\’s childish behavior, you will immediately stop it severely. The reason is to resolve one\’s own embarrassment or not to embarrass oneself. A child is really a mirror, reflecting the life of his parents and a family. Whitman wrote: There is a child who walks forward every day. He sees the first thing, and he becomes that thing, and that thing becomes a part of him… We become a part of the child. Even if we are no longer with our children, or we will no longer be there in the future. There will also be some things that are engraved deep in the child\’s heart. We have to thank the children. Nothing changes a person\’s worldview more quickly than having children. There is nothing that can make you grow up faster than accompanying a child to grow up. Novelist Dostoyevsky said: \”Being with children can save your soul.\” Spend more time with your children and you can find your true self. And those symptoms will slowly disappear or even be cured.