The more mothers have selfish genes, the happier their children will be

\”Since I became selfish, my life has become much more comfortable.\” Two days ago, I was chatting with my friend Xiaoya, and I was shocked by her words. It turns out that she is a housewife, busy from morning to night, washing clothes, cooking, and cleaning. Not only did he not receive any recognition for his efforts without regrets, but he was also disliked by his family. In the eyes of her mother-in-law, she is a squatter at home asking for money; in the eyes of her husband, she is a yellow-faced woman who is out of shape; in the eyes of her children, she is a cleaner who cleans the house. She had nowhere to express her pain and suffering, and could only cry quietly in the dark night. Until one day, with the mentality of giving it a try, she submitted a manuscript to the magazine, and it was accepted. After that, she no longer focused too much on her family, but became obsessed with her writing. Slowly, more and more of her works were published in newspapers and public platforms. Every month, the royalties alone are enough to live a comfortable life. Her mother-in-law also smiled at her, her husband praised her for her thoughtfulness, her children praised her as a great writer, and said she should learn from her mother, and the atmosphere at home was much more harmonious than before. She finally understood that \”the highest level of excellence for a woman is to be herself.\” Only if the mother is more \”selfish\”, lives a happier life, and creates a warm environment, can the child gain more happiness. Raising a child costs money, but you can’t just spend money. Someone once divided a woman’s life into three stages: “Before marriage, after marriage, and after giving birth to children.” Before marriage, you value yourself the most. Will spend a lot of money to dress up and improve myself. Only when you become good will you meet better people; after you get married, you value your husband the most. Only when the husband is excellent can the family be proud; after becoming a mother, children are the most important thing. Raising an excellent child is the most important thing in the second half of life. I don’t agree with this, but after having children, when we mention mothers, perhaps the first adjective that comes to mind is “selfless”. However, is a \”selfless\” mother really what her children need? Psychologist Li Xue once talked about this issue in \”When I Meet Someone\”. When she wants to wash the clothes by herself, her mother will say: \”You can\’t wash them clean and you are wasting water, so you should wash them with me.\” When she goes shopping in the supermarket, she picks a few things she likes, and her mother will also stuff them in Give her a bunch of snacks, and then say, \”You spend more on a trip to the supermarket than I spend in a month.\” When she tried to care about her mother, the response she got was, \”Go read a book and leave me alone.\” Hers The mother is like a saint, without her own needs and feelings, but she will complain: \”I have paid so much for my children, but she never cares about me.\” She analyzed: \”The mother is extremely lacking in love in her heart. She was desperate to get love, so she had to sacrifice herself to satisfy me and indirectly satisfy her \’inner child\’. In fact, I \’robbed\’ the love of that \’inner child\’.\” Some love seems \”selfless\” ”, but it’s hurt. As Jung said: The worst influence a parent can have on a child is to make the child feel that their parents are not living a good life. Clear parent-child boundaries and know how to exit at the right time. So, how to be a \”selfish\” mother and improve your child\’s happiness? Previously, Zhu Yuchen’s mother became popular all over the Internet. Mother Zhu confessed on a variety show: \”I treat my son with my own life. I have no ego at all.\” She cooks pear soup for her son at four o\’clock in the morning every day for ten years. She has to copy the Weibo and text messages sent by her son in her notebook. Even, she would interfere in every relationship of her son. Her aim is: \”No matter where her son goes, she will give him a warm kitchen.\” In winter, it was difficult to buy Beijing chicken and vegetables, so she fried a pot of them and was reluctant to eat them, leaving them all for her son. However, my son didn’t want to eat it. She staged another drama of bitter love: \”My hands are all torn trying to cook for you.\” She has no time to care about her partner\’s feelings, and has never even considered her own life. She just focuses on loving her children. This kind of selfless love weighs tens of millions of tons. It weighs so much that my son can\’t breathe. He can\’t refuse or break free, so he can only bear it in pain. The mother\’s sincere \”I\’m doing this for your own good\” finally forced her son to say the cruel words \”I can\’t survive, you will kill me.\” If his mother could be more \”selfish\”, Zhu Yuchen would not be so tired. True love is not about protecting and controlling, but about letting go. Just like Li Jian\’s song: \”The little bird sleeps next to me, just like a flower exhaling fragrance. No one can hurt her, I want to protect her from flying…\” Protection is a mother\’s habitual \”action\”, and flying is the only way to It is the child’s ultimate “destiny”. Before loving your child, learn to love yourself first. Actor Liu Zi once said: \”The arrival of my child has completely changed me. From my mentality to my lifestyle, I have clearly entered another stage of life.\” When she became a mother for the first time, she was a little confused. and panic, not knowing how to treat the little beings around them, and falling into entanglement and anxiety. Later, she slowly learned a lot of parenting knowledge and continued to explore ways to be a good mother. She learned that in addition to being selfless, she also needed to have methods and know how to adjust her mentality. She did not neglect her love for her children. On the contrary, she firmly believes that the prerequisite for loving children is to love yourself first. She has always insisted on her dream of being a \”designer\” and devoted herself to it. He also pays special attention to physical exercise, running, swimming, and yoga regularly to always maintain full positive energy. During her break, she would cook carefully for her family and arrange the dishes carefully, filling the whole home with the sweet aroma of rice and deep happiness. Under her guidance, children gradually gained the ability to discover beauty and enjoy life. \”Happiness is a kind of ability that can be passed down but can never be given. If you want your child to be happy, you must first let her see your happy face.\” I deeply agree. Really good mothers are not \”unreserved.\” As the muse Caroline said in \”Being an Elegant Parisian Woman\”: \”Parisian women are selfish. Although they are full of motherly love, they can never be selfless. You can\’t find the Virgin in Paris.\” Know how to grow yourself. Anne Baby, a writer who sets an example for children, believes that the best state of the parent-child relationship is to be independent of each other. After her daughter turned two years old, she began to resume work, reading in the study, taking notes, writing manuscripts, and flying to travel whenever she had time. Baby Annie is using her own state of existence to provide her daughter with a kind of spiritual strength: it does not mean that she stops growing after becoming a mother. She wanted her children to see: \”One alwaysA mother who is working diligently, a mother who is learning and growing, a mother who is traveling and exploring, a mother who pays attention to individuals and the secrets of the world and expresses them through writing. ”Perhaps, this is the best education model. \”One tree shakes another tree, one cloud pushes another cloud, and one soul awakens another soul.\” After her children went to kindergarten, she did housework and handled her own work. When she comes home from school, she will give her child a glass of juice, and then the child will go into his small study room and continue painting and doing crafts. Baby Annie realized: \”Even if a woman is a mother, the most important thing is to have her own life. A mother is not just doing the chores of daily life for her daughter, but she cannot give up her own power and only revolve around her children. Our lives are independent of each other. She wants to grow, and I want to grow, and that’s how it should be.” The energy core of the entire family is not the child, but the child’s mother. Hong Lan, a doctor of psychology, once said: \”From the perspective of human evolution, the mother is the soul of the family. If the mother is happy, the whole family will be happy. If the mother is anxious, the whole family will be anxious.\” A mother who lives for her children has a low sense of happiness and is also very fragile. Motherly love in the complete sense includes loving yourself and loving your children. Only by learning to love yourself first can you love your children better. Every woman\’s name should not be just \”mother\”. A truly \”selfless\” mother needs a little bit of \”selfishness\”. Just like the proverb: \”Every willful and ignorant mother can always give birth to a docile and sensible daughter.\”