The foundation of all education, how to establish a harmonious parent-child relationship?

This year\’s Spring Festival Gala, the sketch \”Occupying a Seat\” tells the story of several parents arguing and quarreling in order to give their children a seat in the middle of the first row. It seems that as long as the child occupies a favorable \”geographical location\”, the child will naturally become an \”academic master\” and embark on the highway of life. The love for children is good, but if behind the love is the absence of the father (mother) and the tension in the parent-child relationship, can the child feel such love? What\’s the point of love that you can\’t feel? As Shen Teng said in the sketch: We always want the best for our children, but we don’t even know what grade our children are in. This is the most incompetent parent. Perhaps, some people will say that just because parents are incompetent does not mean that their children cannot succeed. Some people will also say, I can’t hold you if I pick up the bricks, and I can’t support you if I put the bricks down. Some people will say that every child has his own destiny and everything depends on him. \”Some people\” are right, there are no absolutes in everything. However, what is absolutely certain is that the companionship time that the parents missed when the children were young will never come again; the close relationship between father (mother) and child that was not established when the children were young will forever miss the opportunity when the children become adults. More importantly, without a good parent-child relationship, there is no good education. Even if a child achieves \”success\” in the eyes of the world as an adult, he or she will inevitably be scarred in intimate relationships, and the sense of happiness does not match \”success.\” The ultimate goal of education is to cultivate a \”new person with four talents\” who is emotional, rational, capable and spiritual. Such a person will have a sense of accomplishment and happiness no matter what kind of work he or she does in the future. A person\’s sense of accomplishment and happiness are initially cultivated in the family. Being recognized by parents creates a sense of accomplishment; being accepted by parents creates a sense of happiness. Children who have a harmonious relationship with their parents are still happy even if their lives are ordinary. Children who have strained relationships with their parents are filled with regrets even when they achieve great things. Success and happiness are not contradictory, but they are two completely different concepts. The former is the public\’s definition, and the latter is one\’s own feelings. In other words, others can see whether you are successful or not, but only you know whether you are happy or not. And happiness occurs in relationships. If parents do not have time to spend with their children or cannot establish a psychological connection with their children, it is very likely that there will no longer be any substantive or effective communication between parents and children. And by the end, both parents and children may become angry, frustrated, and feel alienated from each other. How does happiness come from such a relationship? There is already alienation and estrangement, how can he listen when educating children? Yes, that child who has a bad relationship with his parents may also do well in studies and may have a successful career in the future. However, the estranged parent-child relationship may be a gap that he cannot cross in his life. I wonder if you still remember the Peking University master’s degree student in the United States who did not go home during the Spring Festival in 2012 and wrote an open letter to accuse his parents? Do you still remember the American Ivy League PhD student who committed suicide by jumping off a building because of a quarrel with his mother? Do you still remember that Jiang Wen said that \”the relationship with his mother is not good no matter what\” is his biggest failure? Do you still remember Jiang Sida and her father?Mom said, the biggest problem between them is \”lack of familiarity\”? According to worldly standards, they are or were \”other people\’s children\”, making ordinary parents envious. However, in their hearts, there is a thorn in their hearts because of their alienated relationship with their father (mother). This thorn deeply affected their emotions and psychology, so much so that they still can\’t let it go even after they become adults. At a certain moment, they will involuntarily take some measures to try to pull out the thorn or relieve the pain. Some people choose to attack their parents in extreme ways – blocking their parents for 6 years and not coming home for 12 years; some people choose to attack themselves in extreme ways – committing suicide; more people can only digest the pain in their hearts silently. Because it is difficult for parents to communicate, or the parents have passed away and cannot communicate. If such children are the result of their parents’ education, then is this kind of education what we want? Daniel Siegel, an internationally renowned educator and psychologist, first proposed the definition of \”mental health\”. To put it in a simple way: mental health is the ability to keep yourself in the center of a \”river of happiness.\” Imagine a peaceful river flowing through the countryside. This is your river of happiness. Whenever you take a canoe and wander quietly on the water, you feel like you are one with the world around you. You have a clear understanding of yourself, others, and your own life. When the environment changes, you can flexibly adjust to keep yourself in the center of the calm current. Relationships are the breeding ground for mental health or not. The parent-child relationship is the first relationship faced at the beginning of life. The subsequent interpersonal relationships are mostly derived from the parent-child relationship. A harmonious parent-child relationship is the best education for children. It makes children calm, makes children contented, gives children joy, and accompanies children\’s happiness. A healthy family is bound to have conflicts. A harmonious pair of father (mother) and son (daughter) will also have differences. The key is, how to resolve conflict and accept differences. Everyone is an independent individual, including parents and children. Parents are not their children\’s servants, and children are not their parents\’ accessories. All education provided by parents to their children should be based on love and a good parent-child relationship. Rather than \”I don\’t have time to accompany you because I have to occupy a seat for you.\” or \”The reason why I control you and force you is for your own good.\” No matter how good the \”seat\” is, it cannot keep up with the parents\’ position in the minds of their children. Position; no matter how good \”good for you\” is, it can\’t be as good as a harmonious parent-child relationship. Aristotle said: \”We cannot influence others through intelligence, but emotions can do this.\” The education of children is the same.