How to teach children to lie? Experts from the top 100 prestigious universities in the UK reveal the secrets for you

A while ago, I posted a question in a group of moms, and instantly received an explosive response. \”Speaking of which… what is the problem that you are most intolerant of in your children?\” \”Lie! Lie!\” The mothers united the front and insisted that \”cheating/lying\” in their children is the most serious problem. I gave the screenshot to my best friend, and she seemed to have found an ally. She kept telling me how terrible it was for children to lie, and it even escalated to a character flaw, for fear that the child would accidentally embark on a path of no return. In fact, my daughter is also the same. She broke my lipstick two days ago and there are still traces of lipstick on her fingers. She dared to point at her father and say shamelessly: \”Dad did it!\” When I pinched the flesh on my waist Meat, when she was looking in the mirror and worrying about how to get ready for the summer, she looked innocent and said: \”Mom, you are so thin!\” What\’s even more outrageous is that even if I exposed her lie on the spot, she could calmly say so Look at me: \”Mom, I didn\’t lie.\” The children\’s lies are just easy to come by, making you worry and making you happy. It\’s like Pinocchio. However, if you also have a child with a \”long nose\”, don\’t jump in haste when this happens, put down the stick in your hand and continue reading. Professor Li Kang, a child psychologist at the University of Toronto, once conducted an experiment. Professor Li and his team tested 1,200 children aged 2 to 6 around the world and conducted a 20-year study on the problem of children lying. They played a guessing game with these children: they took out a playing card and asked the children to guess the number of the playing card. If they guessed correctly, they would get a great surprise prize. During the game, the researchers would find excuses to leave, and before leaving, they would tell the children not to peek at the cards. However, the invisible camera hidden in the room \”caught\” more than 90% of the children and \”fouled\” them within 5 seconds. When the researcher came back and asked, \”Did you peek when I went out just now?\” none of the children admitted to peeking at the card. The result of the experiment is that regardless of gender, nationality, religious beliefs, moral values, or parenting methods, children lying is an extremely common phenomenon. At the age of two, 30% of children lie; at the age of three, 50% of children lie; by the age of four, the proportion of children who lie rises to 80%; over the age of four, almost all children have told lies. Lying is the only way for children to grow up, and no child can escape the curse of \”lie\”. But that\’s not a bad thing. The University of Sheffield, one of the top 100 universities in the world and one of the six famous red brick universities in the UK, also conducted the same research. They discovered that it is actually not easy for children to deceive adults perfectly. First of all, if children want to lie, their vocabulary is the basis for the success of the lie, and they must have excellent language organization skills; secondly, they have to use their brains a lot to distinguish what \”I know but you don\’t know\” and weave more Reasonable logic connects the fictional story together, makes the lie work, and remembers it firmly (it cannot make the lie inconsistent). Finally, he has to fight a psychological war with his parents, guessing each other\’s thoughts and emotions, and then create a more…Natural facial expressions, concealing selfishness as if nothing happened. To sum up, during the sensitive period for lying, children\’s language expression, logical thinking ability, self-control ability, and intellectual ability have all been greatly developed. Even if the age factor is deducted, children with relatively strong cognitive abilities are more likely to lie. Simply put, children who lie more are smarter. Congratulations, you won the lottery. △ Professor Li Kang from the University of Toronto \”Why Children Lie\” However, although these two studies have confirmed the positive side of children\’s lying, we do not advocate parents to let their children\’s \”conscious lying behavior\” go unchecked. Professor Li Kang divided the types of lies told by children into five types. The first type, 2-3 years old, is a white lie, lying just to be polite. The second type, aged 3-5, is the orange lie, lying to flatter someone. The third type, 5-7 years old, is a blue lie, lying for the sake of the group. The fourth type, aged 7-9, is a yellow lie, lying for the sake of modesty. The fifth type, aged 9 and above, is a black lie, lying for yourself. The first four kinds of lies belong to \”unconscious lying\” and are not entirely a matter of the child\’s moral character, nor do they fall into the categories of right and wrong, good and evil. Only black lies are \”conscious lies\” done by children for their own benefit, and parents need to pay attention to them. The child of a friend of mine is a TV fan, and the family of three competes with each other around the TV every day. When my friend comes back from get off work every day, the first thing he says to his child is: \”Did you watch TV today?\” His child\’s first reaction is to deny it: \”I didn\’t.\” But when my friend touches the TV, it\’s still hot. After a beating, his children learned to turn off the TV in advance to allow time for the TV to cool down, or to use a fan to cool down while watching TV. Once again, a friend asked: \”Did you watch TV today?\” The child still replied: \”No.\” When the TV was turned on again, the channel and volume were not as good as when the friend turned off the TV. After a meal of mixed doubles, his children learned to change back to the original channel and adjust the original volume before turning off the TV. Once again, the remote was in the wrong position. After this lesson, his children learned to take a fixed-point photo of the living room before watching TV, learned to put the remote control at the original angle, and re-photographed the sunken sofa cushions to fluff them up, so that everything returned to its original state. Children tell lies in order to avoid being punished for their mistakes, and tell higher and more perfect lies after being taught lessons again and again. This is the \”black lie\” of children. But like this friend of mine, if you don’t ask your children what they really think, they will be beaten up, and educating your children simply and roughly is more likely to have the opposite effect. So, how can we guide children in a positive way and help them get rid of the habit of telling “black lies”? Understanding Why Children Lie From infancy, children learn to use simple deceptions to attract their parents\’ attention, such as pretending to cry or smile. Lying is a behavior, not a child\’s character trait. Don\’t label your child a \”liar\” or a \”little liar.\” As a parent, you need to talk to your children with a normal heart and deeply understand the appeal behind the lies., prescribe the right medicine. Avoid \”asking\” and \”blaming\”, and be careful not to exaggerate it into a moral issue once you find your child lying. Allowing children to tell harmless \”lies\” is like my daughter \”praising me for being thin\” when I pinch the three layers of fat on my belly. I believe your children have also said to you, \”You are The most beautiful mother in the world\” and \”You are the most handsome father in the world.\” They talk serious nonsense just to get more attention and love from us. These sweet \”lies\” will not have a malicious impact on the children, and it doesn\’t matter. Through role-playing and situational discussions, let children know that black lies are not advisable. Clinical psychologist Mary Lamia believes that parents should focus on the importance of honesty, rather than the act of lying itself. After completing the lying experiment, Professor Li Kang returned to the room and told the children stories. The first story is \”Pinocchio\”. Every time Pinocchio told a lie, his nose grew longer and he turned into a lazy and stupid donkey. The second story is \”The Boy Who Cried Wolf\”. A little boy who loved to lie always lied to others and said \”the wolf is coming\” when people were herding sheep. In the end, the wolf really came, but no one believed him anymore, and he was eaten by the big bad wolf. The third story is \”Washington Cutting the Cherry Tree\”. Washington accidentally cut down his father\’s favorite cherry tree. After mustering up the courage to make a mistake, Washington was forgiven and praised by his father. After telling these three stories, the researchers asked the children, \”Did you just peek at the card?\” Most of the children admitted their mistakes. Use authoritative parenting to guide children. Swiss psychologist Piaget once said that from the time a child is born, he has an instinct to please the more authoritative person in front of him. The authoritative parenting style is to encourage children to express their thoughts bravely, and when a child is found to be lying, he should clearly warn that this behavior is inappropriate and indicate the reasons. After the child understands, guide the child to take the initiative to admit his apology and admit his mistake, and give forgiveness and praise. With repeated direct and clear instructions several times, children will slowly break the habit of lying. Set an example and use yourself to influence your children. American psychologist Bandura once said: \”If you don\’t want your children to lie, it\’s best for parents to start with themselves.\” Many times, children can\’t listen to too many truths. Just look at your parents’ words and deeds. If you want your children to be honest, parents must first set an example and ensure their trust in their children. Breaking a promise is not a trivial matter. Your attitude towards your own lies determines your children\’s attitude towards lies. German educator Schluker once said: A child\’s first meaningful lie is a major progress in her growth, marking his imagination, pioneering behavior and ability to deal with the surrounding environment. A child who can lie must not be stupid. He is more like a flexible writer, director, and judge who must anticipate countless possibilities for everything. TA must also be a strong executor to be able to improve the current situation in advance and handle it one by one. Instead of worrying about children lying and deceiving others, we should be patient, listen and understand the lies behind their lies.of “truth”. After all, when they reach adulthood, who hasn’t been carrying the burden of life while smiling brightly on the phone: “Mom, I’m doing fine outside.”