How to train children\’s courage and self-confidence? It depends on whether you have done these 6 things

Dudu is my cousin\’s child. Because we live very close to each other, I have witnessed the child\’s growth. The 3-year-old Dudu is two months older than Guoguo upstairs. However, Guoguo is not only half a head taller than Dudu, but also weighs more than ten kilograms. Guoguo is tall and strong, while Dudu is thin and small. In the summer, Dudu wore a camisole, and when he lowered his head, he could see the joints of his spine. My cousin was so anxious that she kept making food for Dudu in different ways all day long. However, the child was very picky and would put it down after just a few bites. My cousin was angry at that time, \”I was almost exhausted, and I came back to cook two dishes for you, but you didn\’t eat it for some reason. I tell you, you must finish these, otherwise you are not allowed to leave the stool.\” Dudu cried while Eat, I\’ve finished a bowl of rice. My cousin threw the bowl and chopsticks into the basin and said, \”I just used you to get used to it. Now eat it all.\” There was a performance in Dudu Kindergarten, where the 5-year-old children put on makeup and costumes and were as excited as little swallows. Same. Every child was wonderful when they came on stage. Even the youngest Nono told a story, which was very impressive. It was Dudu\’s turn, and she didn\’t dare to go on stage without saying anything. The cousin dragged her to the side of the stage, but she wouldn\’t go up. The audience in the audience were all waiting, and my cousin\’s face was on fire. She kicked Dudu and placed him in the middle of the stage. My cousin just walked off the stage and Dudu peed her pants while standing on the stage. My cousin walked down with her child in a very embarrassed manner, cursing all the way, \”Why are you so cowardly? Who do you look like? I\’m not as stupid as you.\” 7-year-old Dudu went to school. My cousin didn\’t dare to neglect him and watched Dudu do his homework every day. \”What is 2+3?\” asked my cousin. \”5.\” \”What about 3+2?\” \”I don\’t know.\” My cousin was furious and taught me all night, but she didn\’t learn anything. \”You\’re so stupid, you shouldn\’t be ranked last in the exam. It\’s all for nothing to study for you. You\’re not born with the material. You\’ll eat whatever you want, and you won\’t be able to do anything.\” In the final exam, Dudu indeed ranked last in the exam. , my cousin slapped Dudu twice, \”Let\’s see if you dare not study!\” The 10-year-old Dudu\’s test scores were particularly poor, and his cousin was interviewed several times by the teacher. My cousin said, \”It\’s not that I don\’t care. This child is too stupid and can\’t be taught. I have no choice but to cause trouble to the teacher. You just beat and scold me, just like your own children, and I don\’t say anything. She doesn\’t If she is obedient, hit her on the head as hard as you can.\” My cousin walked home from school and thought: I have to be strong all my life, because my face will be completely lost because of Dudu. After beating Dudu, the child cried and said that he was not good at studying and that he wanted to learn to draw. My cousin said, \”You\’re such a bear, 2+3. I\’ve been teaching you for several years. What can you learn? It\’s all for nothing.\” My 15-year-old cousin has completely stopped caring about Dudu. She can\’t control it, so just do whatever you want. But the teacher still called again and again, hoping that my cousin would go to school. The teacher said: \”Dudu has a very low self-esteem and feels that she is not good at anything. Every time she is frustrated, the child will attack others as if her hair is fried.\” And as long as the teacher looks at Dudu, her hands will tremble. If she talks alone, The child\’s whole body was shaking. My cousin doesn\’t know what to do. Her scalp is numb. It doesn\’t matter if her daughter is stupid, ugly, or poor at learning, as long as she is healthy. Come home, cousinShe cried and said to Dudu: \”Mom is old and can\’t bear the trouble anymore. Don\’t do this. I really can\’t bear it.\” My cousin cried for a long time, but Dudu just sneered a few times, then went back to his room and never came out again. The next day, my cousin saw that Dudu’s arms were covered with scars cut by a knife, which were very thin and deep. Dudu said, Mom, I\’m so stupid, wouldn\’t it save you the trouble if I die? Dudu’s incident is so sad. 40% of people in this world have an inferiority complex. Some people are injured and healed slowly; some people go to extremes and never heal. In \”Dad in the Pocket\”, the father was originally about 1.8 meters tall, but he was scolded by his mother every day. Every time she scolded him, he became shorter. Later, the father became a thumbnail, which was placed on his son\’s chest every day. in the pocket. It seems that the child has gradually turned into a thumbnail due to our blows. Every time he stands in front of others, he feels very humble. I had no choice but to curl up tighter, not daring to argue, not daring to do anything, and not daring to say anything. In the name of love, we have hurt our children for so many years. Parents with perfect scores give their children a sense of security. Healing the sense of humiliation caused by the external world to children is the highest level of enrichment. To crack the child\’s low self-esteem, perhaps we can work from the following aspects: Understand the psychological characteristics of the child at each stage Jiang Peirong once summarized the characteristics of the child at each stage: A child aged 0-1 is completely dependent on his mother. In the eyes of the child, he and his mother They are symbiotic, regardless of each other. Children aged 2-3 have begun to seek approval from adults and avoid criticism. Adult comments can cause children to feel a sense of accomplishment, shame, or guilt. Children aged 3 to 6 years old learn to take initiative, explore, and fantasize, but they are not yet able to evaluate themselves correctly. They often care about and rely on adults\’ evaluation. Their behavior is not mainly due to intrinsic motivation, but is controlled by external feedback. Children aged 7 to 12 anxiously wonder whether they can truly achieve excellence in a certain area and begin to evaluate their position based on comparison with others. A common characteristic can be seen from all stages. Children care about the evaluation of their parents, so they must not be harsh or suppress them indiscriminately. Joyfully accepting the shortcomings of children Wu Zhihong said: 99% of the people in this world are 99% likely to spend their lives in an ordinary way. Therefore, our child is just an ordinary person, and he will have all the imaginable and unexpected shortcomings. We must learn to accept our children\’s shortcomings calmly. Acceptance will give the child a sense of security and confidence, while failure to accept is just patching up the child\’s wounds, which will only make the situation worse. Dudu fell into the abyss because of her mother\’s disapproval. Therefore, when a child does not do well, that is when he or she has the least psychological energy. Don\’t get angry, hug her with a smile, tell her that it doesn\’t matter, and give her a little strength. Don\’t use your children\’s mistakes to prove that you are right, and use your children\’s weakness to prove that you are strong. Many times we get angry because we tie our children to ourselves and cannot accept the child\’s loss of control and our own frustration. To get rid of this frustration, to regain control, we teach our children more violently. And this kind of lesson can\’t calm down the anger, on the contrary, it becomes more and more fierce. It seems that I hit him harder and scolded him harder, the childOnly by crying harder can this anger be effectively controlled. Moreover, the \”kicking cat effect\” in psychology also points out that when you vent your dissatisfaction to an object that is weaker than yourself or at a level lower than yourself, a chain reaction will occur. Parents transfer bad emotions from other places to their children. We are the strong ones and right, but the children are weak and wrong. If we are condescending and judge arbitrarily, how can the children not feel inferior? Keenly perceive children\’s sense of humility. Children\’s sense of humility will manifest in different ways. Alfred Adler in the United States once told a case: three children went to the zoo for the first time. They stood in front of the lion cage. She huddled behind her mother and said, \”I want to go home.\” The other child did not run away. His face was pale and his whole body was shaking. He stood there and said, \”I\’m not afraid at all.\” The third child stared at the lion fiercely and asked his mother, \”Can I spit on it?\” These three children All children actually feel humble, just because of their different lifestyles and different ways of expressing emotions. When a child has this sense of humiliation, it is when he or she needs our help the most. Learn to guide children and gain successful experiences. In \”Mom is Superman\”, Huo Siyan and Uhm discussed giving old toys to other children, but Uhm refused. Huo Siyan did not preach or hum. She said: \”It takes time for a child to grow. If he does not grow up to this stage, I can choose to give up and take my time.\” After Huo Siyan waited for Uhm to calm down, she guided Uhm to be a salesperson and sell toys to Other kids. In the end, Huo Siyan accepted Huo Siyan\’s charity sale suggestion. At this time, many mothers will accuse their children of not knowing how to share and not being as good as others after talking about a lot of sharing principles but to no avail, and then forcibly give toys to other children, hurting their children\’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Huo Siyan turned possible setbacks into successful experiences for her children. Only through constant successful experiences can children no longer feel inferior and become confident. Learn not to compare blindly. We give birth to children so that they can enjoy life, not to let them take first place for us. Never compare your child\’s shortcomings to others\’ strengths. No one is perfect. This kind of comparison, relying on the sting to bring running, will definitely leave psychological damage. We have all been overwhelmed by other people\’s children, and this pain should not continue. Everyone\’s mind is an energy body. Wu Zhihong said that when a child shows negative energy and is held by his parents and responds humanely, this black and ferocious energy will become humanized. The gentler and more positive the parents are, they will naturally give their children the appropriate influence wisely and firmly, and the children\’s world will naturally blossom.