No matter whether you don’t scold or punish, you can’t cultivate outstanding children.

If you ask parents: Do you want to raise your children to be white-eyed wolves? The parents’ answer is definitely: No! However, parents often do not do this when educating their children. For example, there was a recent news on the Internet. A family of three was shopping. The mother liked a piece of clothing she saw and went into the store to try it on. It took a long time to try on clothes, and my daughter got impatient and left to buy a drink. The mother probably doted on her daughter very much, so she agreed immediately. The father thought that his daughter should wait patiently, so he did not agree and even gave her a few words of education. When what she wanted to do failed to happen, the girl immediately lost her temper and kicked her mother hard, one kick, two kicks, three kicks…but her mother allowed her to be aggressive and scolded without any intention of stopping her. It is exactly the same as in a previous popular post on the Internet, \”A boy grabbed his mother\’s throat and pulled her hair hard in the street because her mother refused to buy him toys, but her mother accepted it without any resistance.\” You can imagine how the two mothers indulged their children on weekdays and never properly controlled them. The difference is that in the previous news, the father couldn\’t stand it and kicked the child in kind. The girl rolled on the ground in pain. After being taught a lesson, she immediately restrained herself and stopped her bad behavior. Then there was an older child. When passers-by tried to dissuade him, he not only didn’t stop, but even yelled back: “Get out!” There is a saying in “The Courage to Discipline”: The most fortunate thing about raising a child is to “prick him with acupuncture” when he is young. , grow up and give him wings! The biggest fear is that if you were not disciplined when you were a child, your wings will become stiff when you grow up, and you will be unable to control yourself even if you want to. On the road of life, children must learn to do things correctly. But if the parents are obedient and the validity period of education has passed, even if the child does something that breaks the bottom line, the parents will no longer be able to control it. It’s too late to take care of your children. Professor Li Meijin once said that the son of a professor friend of hers wants this and that every day. Today he has a mobile phone, tomorrow he has a computer, and the day after tomorrow he has games… It’s endless, and he climbs up when he’s not satisfied. The window sill is a matter of life and death. Father can only agree, come down quickly and I will buy it for you. A friend asked her what to do, and she said it was too late. The child was already 17 years old. If she couldn\’t give it to her, she should give it to her. What should I do if my friend asks me if I can’t afford it? She said, it can only be endured. The period before adolescence is a critical period for education. If you don’t take care of it well before, there will be no cure for the problems that develop. Yu Shiwei is the god of training. He has trained more people than the total number of people in South Korea and has traveled 30 times around the earth. But he said that all his achievements are incomparable to raising two daughters who are smart, emotionally intelligent and capable: one joined Procter & Gamble and was promoted to manager in three months, and the other became a professor at 30-year-old Chengdu University. He has a \”bonsai theory\” for parenting. Teaching children is like making bonsai. The saplings have just grown up and the branches are soft and malleable. They need to be shaped in time. You can\’t wait for the branches to be thick and hard before correcting them. Not only is it time-consuming and labor-intensive, but the branches may also be broken. Cannot be formed. He said that when disciplining children, one must be \”cruel and not afraid of tears.\” His two daughters loved to watch TV when they were very young and still refused to eat at meal time. He asked his wife not to leave food behind and put away the snacks. His daughter was so hungry in the middle of the night that she cried and begged her mother to cook something to eat. He asked his wife to refuse harshly and forced her to stay up until breakfast. Although the method was \”cruel\”, the results were gratifying. From then on, when it was time for dinner, my daughter would definitely sit at the table no matter what she was doing. Parents dare to discipline, but daughters understand principles. His daughters learned early on that they must be responsible for their own actions, and learned from their parents\’ words and deeds to know right from wrong, be measured, and be self-disciplined. Bad children are nurtured and good children are trained. If you don’t discipline your children when they are young, your future will be devoured. Only by strictly controlling your children when you are young will you have a better future. The children who are disciplined may be aggrieved for a while, but they will be grateful for the rest of their lives. Many class teachers say that the people who are most grateful to them after graduation are often not the good students of the year, but the naughtiest students. There is such an example in our class. At the 15th anniversary party after graduation, a classmate who had moved overseas flew back to China just to say thank you in person to his retired class teacher. In elementary school, he didn\’t like to study. He would either sleep in class, skip class and play games, or go out to fight with gangsters. Of all the children in the class, the head teacher had the most severe control over him. He was punished by being punished by standing still in class, being detained in class and copying books, being reviewed by the whole class, and asking parents after class. He was like a wild horse. He stopped making trouble and turned his attention back to his studies. He went to university and later went abroad to study for graduate school and got a decent job. Ten years later, when he saw that the gangsters he had fought with had become young people in society, and some were even sentenced to prison, his dislike for the teacher turned into gratitude. When teachers treat students, strict control is love, while laissez-faire is harm. Parents are their children\’s first school, even more so. Amy Chua, a Chinese-American tiger mother, is famous for her strict control over her children. How many people were waiting to see the joke about her educational failure and the breakdown of the mother-daughter relationship. What they waited for was the fact that her two daughters graduated from Harvard and became even better. When the eldest daughter Sophia was 18, she wrote a letter thanking her mother for her strict control: It was your strictness that forced me to be more independent and allow me to live a complete life with 110% effort! For this I have to say: Tiger Mom, thank you! Most children are unhappy when they are disciplined because they are ignorant, but when they understand the truth, they will be extremely grateful. Children are born with a blank slate. Who they become in the future depends entirely on their family education in childhood. It is the responsibility of parents to strictly control their children and let them understand things and distinguish right from wrong. If you don\’t care about them at birth, then what\’s the use of being a parent. How to properly discipline children? Many parents have a misunderstanding. They believe that in order to give their children love and freedom, they should follow their nature and not discipline them. The important prerequisite for love and freedom is ignored: within the rules. The famous brain scientist Teacher Hong Lan said: \”Love and discipline do not conflict.\” How to discipline children, the famous writer Liu Yong mentioned several principles in 40 parent-child classes: 1. The emphasis of discipline is on \”teaching\” and the emphasis on discipline. Discipline is about the behavior of children, and it is about teaching the principles of life. Once the principles are understood, the behavior will be easier to control. How to understand? While the child is still willing to listen, speak repeatedly and patiently. Professor Li Meijin said: \”What parents say before the age of six is ​​gold, and what they say after the age of twelve is rubbish.\” Research on children\’s educational psychology also shows that before the age of 12, children are willing to listen to their parents\’ reasoning and especially like to listen to their parents. Stories from my childhood. The easiest and most effective way to understand is to grasp the critical period, integrate the truth into the parents\’ own stories, and subtly pass on the correct concepts to the children. 2. The earlier the rules of “management” are established, the better, and the clearer the rules, the better. Strict management is about strict rules, not harsh punishments. Liu Yong said: We must set good rules for behavior, and make mistakes such asAny punishment should be agreed upon, and avoid venting anger without principles. For example, in the movie \”See You in the Sky\”, when his granddaughter makes a mistake, the grandfather will ask her to get a ruler and hold up her hands to be beaten. The grandfather used \”family methods\” to corporally punish his granddaughter. The granddaughter knew exactly why she was beaten, and even how many times she was beaten. If you understand that you will be punished if you do something wrong, you know how to be afraid of it, and you have a sense of respect for grandpa and the rules, then the purpose of \”control\” is achieved. The earlier and clearer the rules are established, the sooner children will think about where the boundaries of punishment are and consider controlling their behavior. Parents can also avoid indiscriminate punishment due to impulsiveness, which may cause the children to be beaten to the skin and make discipline ineffective. 3. Two important principles for disciplining children. First, after the rules are established, they must be strictly implemented, words must be deeded, and deeds must be resolute. When children are disobedient when they are young and test their parents\’ bottom line by crying or other methods, they must adhere to the principle and deliberately carry out \”say no\” education. The second is to follow the principle of \”strict when it is small and lenient when it is big\”. Discipline should be strict at first and then lenient. The rules should be strict when they are young, and they should be gradually given freedom when they grow up. Especially after the age of 12, children have strong self-esteem. They need to change their approach and stop at the last minute, so that the parent-child relationship will be harmonious. Liu Yong\’s friend had strict control over his children since childhood. When he was in junior high school, his children were rebellious and violated the rules. He rented a lot of comic books and read them in class, but his father found out. The child thought that he would be severely punished, and he felt anxious and was about to argue with his neck. As a result, the father was silent for a long time, and said heavily and slowly: \”You know the rules and what to do. Now that you have grown up, you can handle it on your own.\” The child felt guilty and consciously returned all the comic books. Since then, he has been strict with himself. Became a famous doctor. Ye Shengtao said: There is a method for teaching, but there is no fixed method. The most important thing is to obtain the method. The same goes for discipline. Only by seizing the opportunity to teach, and having the wisdom to discipline and the courage to let go, can you get the right way. Only with moderate and strict control, and being willing to \”prick needles\” when children are young, can children be able to \”eat sweets\” when they are older, and only then can we raise rational and sunny children.