Why doesn’t your criticism work on your children? Because you made these 4 mistakes

Speaking of criticism, parents are no strangers. Whenever a child makes a mistake or behaves badly, criticism becomes a method of education for parents. However, how to criticize is an art. Once it is not handled well, it is likely to harm the child or the bad behavior will get worse. A video of \”little girl training parents\” is particularly popular online: In the video, a little girl was criticized by her parents and taught her parents how to treat their children correctly with \”serious words and thoughtful words\”: \”You see how children are educated in other cartoons, don\’t scold them, You don’t spank your children, you just criticize them and ask them to correct themselves. Then they will correct themselves properly, but you just scream, who will listen to you?” The little girl’s serious reasoning made many people laugh, and also inspired many children. They hope that parents can lower their voices and speak properly when criticizing education. It must be admitted that parents’ many criticisms are not listened to by their children, and they do not achieve the educational effect. If you want your criticism to be effective, you must avoid several common misunderstandings. Misunderstanding 1: Treating people wrongly. There are many parents around us who criticize their children without restraint. They only care about venting their emotions and point the finger of criticism at the child himself rather than the child\’s behavior. When a child does not study well, parents say: \”You are not good at studying!\” instead of saying: \”You don\’t put in enough effort.\” If the child doesn\’t say hello, it means: \”You are so timid, so useless!\” instead of saying: \”You don\’t put in enough effort.\” Not ready yet.\” The child lied and said: \”You liar!\” instead of saying: \”Lying is bad!\” When we criticize our children, we should evaluate the child\’s behavior based on the facts, rather than being willful. , indulgently label the child and criticize the child\’s personality and quality. There is an essential difference between \”stupid\” and \”not spending enough time\”, \”liar\” and \”lying behavior\”, \”cowardly\” and \”inadequate preparation\”. Objectively evaluate the child\’s behavior, and the child can make up for and correct it through hard work, but personal attacks with labels mean that no matter what the child does in the future, it will not help, and may even deepen the child\’s impression of these labels. In the art of criticism, try to avoid these overgeneralized conclusions. Even for children with many behavioral problems, we must let them see hope that they can get better. Misunderstanding 2: Before criticizing children regardless of time or occasion, parents must pay attention to time and occasion. The ancients said that there are seven irresponsibilities in educating children: \”There is no responsibility for others, no responsibility for regrets, no responsibility for late nights, no responsibility for eating and drinking, no responsibility for celebrations, no responsibility for sadness and no responsibility for illness.\” Take \”No responsibility for the public.\” \”To put it bluntly, I have seen many parents, regardless of time or place, as long as their children dissatisfy themselves, they will teach them a lesson first, no matter what. If people around them try to persuade them nicely, they will say: \”Children, they can\’t remember without being beaten or scolded!\” \”What kind of face does a child want?\” In fact, growing children are the most sensitive and fragile, even if they are very young Small children. The first reaction of a child who is criticized in public is to avoid this humiliating situation. No matter how reasonable your words are, the child cannot hear you. I read a report a long time ago. Because a child made some mistakes at school, the teacher called the child’s father to school. The fatherThe mother was very angry. In front of all the teachers in the office, she scolded and slapped the child. At night, the child still didn\’t come home. The family went out to look for him all night, only to find that the child had committed suicide. This beaten silent child chose such an extreme method. It was not simply that he could not handle the situation, but the shame and embarrassment in front of everyone crushed him. Whether it is in front of relatives, on the street, in a restaurant or at school…you must be careful when raising your children in front of others. Misunderstanding 3: Criticism is too loud. Some parents criticize their children by shouting loudly at their children. However, the louder the sound, the more useful it is? First, children can’t listen. I know that many parents often can\’t help but criticize their children loudly when helping their children with homework, making mistakes here and missing questions there. But as for children, the louder you are, the more nervous they will be and the worse they will be able to write poorly. The most direct impact of yelling is the child\’s fear. He often cannot hear your rationale and only remembers your hysteria. Criticizing in a low voice makes it easier for children to take off their guard and focus on the content of the criticism rather than your volume. Second, if you yell too much, the child will become numb. Once a child gets used to your loud scolding, it will easily lead to psychological phenomena of extreme impatience or resistance. Some children will not listen no matter how much you yell, while others will not be convinced. If you are louder, they will be louder than you. Third: The louder the parents are, the more emotional they become. I often advise parents and friends to know how to control the volume when educating their children. This process is also a process of controlling emotions. Only by being less emotional can education return to rationality. The smaller the voice that blames the child, the more seriously the child will listen, and the better the educational effect will be. Misunderstanding 4: Rejecting the child. I once saw a child on the subway who made his mother angry and cried, \”Mom, hold me!\” The mother kept pushing the child away and said in a tone full of rejection and indifference: \”You Just stay here alone, I don\’t care about you!\” Such scenes are also very common in life. The child is naughty, and the mother criticizes the child with feelings of isolation and rejection. : \”Aren\’t you going to leave? Why are you here?\” \”Don\’t hug me! Do you know you are wrong?\” For children, the most saddening and frightening criticism is not the beating or scolding, but the disapproval of their parents. Accept. Although this method seems to make the children obey, it does not make the children realize their mistakes. Instead, it makes the children feel that they have made a mistake and their parents no longer like them. This kind of cognition can easily make children feel anxious. When criticizing children, let them know that I accept you unconditionally. What I don’t accept is your behavior. After every child makes a mistake, he hopes that his parents will love him as always. The purpose of criticism is to let the children know where they made mistakes and how to make up for the mistakes they made. It is not simply to let parents vent their emotions. The principle of criticism is to maintain the child\’s self-esteem and respect the child. Without this principle, criticism will be meaningless. Criticism of children is well-targeted. Children must face up to the mistakes they have made and correct them. This is the best result after criticism.