To parents: Don’t be “friends” with your children at an age when you should set rules

First let\’s look at a little story. Tong Dawei serves as the acting teacher for first-year college students in the variety show \”First Grade\”. Once, a girl didn\’t go to school for two days and didn\’t ask for leave. Everyone was worried. So after the girl came to class, Tong Dawei asked: \”Why did you go? Why didn\’t you ask for leave?\” Knowing that the girl ran away because she was afraid of failing in the exam, Tong Dawei felt that the girl should be educated and make her realize the shame of escaping. You must have the courage to face challenges and failures. Unexpectedly, another girl stood up and choked, saying that Tong Dawei was exaggerating. He only regarded himself as a teacher and did not regard his students as friends. People like him were not qualified to be teachers! This made Tong Dawei so angry that he said: \”In school, you have to abide by the school\’s rules. We are teachers and students first, and friends second! I am responsible for your safety. If you don\’t come to school for two days, I won\’t ask for leave. What should we tell your parents? You are here to learn from us, not to make friends!\” What Tong Dawei said can be directly transferred to the relationship between parents and children. Teachers should first educate well, and then be friends if they have spare capacity. Parents should first fulfill their duties as parents, and secondly, be their children\’s friends. We can pursue being friends with our children, but they must be based on rules and we cannot raise girls with unclear boundaries like the one above. Otherwise, they will not only be unable to see their own faults at home and directly contradict their parents, but they will also not be able to hear any criticism from teachers and superiors in the future. Break the rules but don\’t criticize! How is this possible in society? I was chatting with mothers in the group a few days ago, and one mother said that her child seemed to be unable to understand the words. He must respond to his requests without delay, and he could not do anything that would dissatisfy him. To put it simply, if the child is not well served at all, the child will lose his temper. This is very obvious that the boundaries are unclear and the rules are unclear. A child regards his parents as his own personal servants. Whenever he needs them, his parents must be there. Parents must help their children develop a sense of rules and boundaries, otherwise, their children will become more and more lawless! This world is not centered on anyone. Everyone must have a sense of rules. This is the law of survival. The white-eyed wolf was raised by his parents through hard work. Let’s watch some news. A boy broke something in a store and asked his mother to help him pay for it. After her mother gave him a few words of education, he quarreled with her and started to strangle her neck. This kind of naughty child will be exposed every once in a while, but I always feel sorry for the parents of the child, because if the child can do this, it is definitely not a day or two of indulgence. Once, I met a parent. When I was talking to him, his child grunted and asked for a mobile phone. The parent was too lazy to pay attention to him, so the child became more aggressive and began to punch and kick the parent. After being pestered unbearably, he finally took out his mobile phone and gave it to the child. Then he smiled apologetically at me and said that their family was relatively relaxed and they always made friends with the children, so the children were not afraid of adults, were more lively, and were not shy in any situation. , and the beating didn’t hurt the child, he was measured. I was confused. Was this a misunderstanding of friends or a misunderstanding of liveliness? In order to achieve their own goals, children can unscrupulously interrupt their parents\’ conversations, punching and kicking viciously to attract attention, this is disrespectful to parents! Letting your children fear you is what parents should do. The so-called awe is because of respect, so they are willing to listen to your teachings, which is also the fear of respect. This is undoubtedly a very high requirement for parents. When we watch reality shows, some champion parents are like this. Their abnormal self-discipline and hard work are enough to become their children\’s most respected teachers. For example, Li Xiaopeng, he also makes friends with children, but Ollie will never disrespect him. When he becomes serious, Ollie will listen to his lesson. Establishing parental authority for children that cannot be trampled upon is the basic skill of education. And this kind of parental authority comes from the little bits of shaping in life. 1. There must be rules, don’t raise children freely. Why do children challenge you in everything? Because you have not established a clear sense of rules and boundaries for your children! For example, my little nephew can eat by himself at the age of two. But for a while, my sister was busy, so she left him in the care of my mother. This is terrible. My mother was worried when she saw her little nephew eating by himself. She felt that he was not eating enough and was getting very dirty, so she started to feed him. From then on, the little nephew, who was originally able to eat well on his own, started to chase after him to feed him. Later, when my sister asked him to eat by himself, she found that he couldn\’t do it. As long as he was not fed, he would not eat and would wander around. So my sister started to trap him on the dining chair, feed him a few mouthfuls, and then let him eat a few mouthfuls by himself. The little nephew made a fuss for a long time, crying and shaking every time he ate. At this time, my sister didn\’t even If you are angry, just tell him calmly: You have to eat by yourself, there is no point in crying. After a period of time like this, he started to eat by himself again. It just turned into two modes. As long as my sister is around, he will eat by himself. As long as my mom is around, he will let my mom feed him. If my mom tries not to feed him, he will cry. You see, a child around three years old understands everything. He knows that there are no rules at all and he can achieve his goals by crying and acting. The clearer the rules and boundaries you give your child, the less likely your child will be to make trouble without reason, because he knows that making trouble without reason will not work. It should be noted here that when we set rules for children, there is no fixed method. Remember to be rigid and one-size-fits-all. Depending on your family situation, you can set some rules for your children that they must adhere to, and give your children freedom when the rules are not violated. At the beginning, you can proceed step by step depending on the child\’s acceptance. Once stable, you must implement it firmly without exceptions. 2. Set rules, be gentle but firm. Being gentle but firm is a rule-setting method emphasized by countless parenting experts. The so-called gentleness means don\’t be angry, the tone is very important! Be peaceful, start from the child\’s feelings, love him and understand him. Firmness is certainty. For example, if you want your child to eat by himself and he cries, you think, forget it this time and save it next time. Then I can tell you responsibly, he will cry longer next time. After all, if you can compromise by crying for ten minutes, then you will have to cry for at least ten minutes next time, or twenty minutes if you can\’t. My sister once encountered a situation where her little nephew couldn\’t stop crying when he was eating. Seeing that he was really sad, she took him out of the dining chair and told him: ”If you are sad, then cry for a while and stop eating. After the child calmed down, the sister said to him: \”Just now you didn\’t want to eat by yourself, so you kept crying. Now that you\’re done crying, do you want to eat by yourself?\” \”The child still insisted on being fed, so he didn\’t eat that meal. In fact, it was just one meal that made him hungry, and he devoured the next meal. So when implementing this rule, you must pay attention and be flexible. Be flexible. Really care about your child\’s feelings, not just the purpose of your discipline. If your child has been crying for so long, it is okay to comfort him but not agree to his request (let you feed him). We need to set rules and be able to See the children. 3. If you want your children to be well, you must first be a role model. There is a Korean celebrity who has never smoked. He said that he does not smoke, not because he thinks smoking is bad, but because he admires his smoker father too much. Image source: Every word and deed of Uncle Fuji\’s parents has an unforgettable impact on their children. As mentioned earlier, Li Xiaopeng is a world champion, so his daughter worships him. We are ordinary people, and we can also be worshiped by our children! Only children can agree with it from the bottom of their hearts. Only you, they will respect you and listen to you. If you don’t have the ability to restrain yourself, play games, smoke, drink, play mahjong, play mobile phones without restraint, and don’t study or study. Then no matter how many rules you set for your children Rules, no matter how many parenting skills you use, your children will not obey you. If there is any parenting skill in the world that is most effective, it is the words and deeds of your parents! If you want to be friends with your children, then be a respected mentor. A good teacher Put yourself first, help your friends later. Let your children be like this Korean when they talk about you in the future. With eyes full of light, he said: I am proud of my parents!