What kind of parents fail the most? See if you hit the mark?

Li Ka-shing, a famous Hong Kong industrialist, once said: \”No matter how successful a person is in his career, it cannot make up for the failure to educate his children.\” The process of educating children is irreversible. If we miss the best educational period for our children, we have missed it. Even if we spend a hundred times more energy later, it is still irreversible. People\’s Daily: How can parents get rid of bad habits? For your child, please be patient and watch a child. What kind of person they will become in the future often depends on their parents’ cognition, actions and habits of education when they were young. When children are young, if parents have good parenting habits, they can unknowingly cultivate outstanding children. The bad habits of parents will make their children continue to deviate from the original track and even ruin their lives. Most failed parents have these 4 bad habits. Have you fallen into the trap? There is a question on Zhihu, which is prone to emotions: \”What is it like to have a failed parent?\” Netizens used their own history of blood and tears growing up to \”accuse\” their parents: \”I don\’t know how to encourage, I only know how to scold, and I don\’t have a good guide.\” I have taken many detours on my journey.\” \”They always use lessons, insults, and sarcasm to educate me, which makes me feel particularly inferior. Now I am fighting depression.\” \”They always take responsibility for the unsatisfactory life. Putting the blame on me makes me feel like I am living a superfluous life.”…Parents’ emotional instability is the number one killer of their children. I once saw a piece of news: The teacher did not distribute new books because the children did not complete their winter vacation homework. When the father found out, he was furious, so he picked up the kitchen knife and lost control, scratching the grandmother and even cutting the child\’s leg. It\’s horrifying to think about it. The child was chopped by his father with a knife because he didn\’t complete his homework. Such a child would have no sense of security in life. Although in our lives, most people are not as extreme as this father. But do we often lose control of our emotions? For example, when teaching homework, many parents can yell for two hours. Educationalist Yin Jianli once said, \”One third of the temper you lose towards your child will cause seventy percent harm to the child.\” Children who grow up under the emotional violence of their parents will cause lifelong personality defects and a series of psychological problems. disease. Such children seem to have a black hole in their hearts, constantly sucking away their self-esteem, self-love, and happiness. Parents who are emotionally stable and take good care of their children as they grow up are their greatest blessings. No one is perfect, and there will inevitably be times when we lose control of our emotions. When educating children, we must use empathy. This will help us have a good mood when facing our children. Secondly, parents must also know how to accept their own emotions, find reasonable ways to vent them, and never point their guns at their children. If you don’t spend time with your children properly, we often say that companionship is the longest confession of love. High-quality companionship is the best love for children. As for many of our parents, their children are playing with building blocks, and they are scrolling through their mobile phones. This low-quality companionship from parents will make the child feel unappreciated and cause self-doubt. It is better not to accompany him. Someone once said that the so-called \”high-quality companionship\”: \”It is when parents participate in their children\’s games and interact throughout the process. The most important thing is to have eye contact, language, and emotional communication to make the children feel loved.\”How many parent-child relationships have drifted apart due to parents not caring enough to accompany them. In the end, it became what a writer said: \”How many parents and children are in the same room but have nothing to talk about. They love each other deeply but do not know each other. They yearn for contact but cannot find a bridge, and long for expression but have no language. .\” Children, if they are not carefully accompanied for a long time, will easily develop a withdrawn and low self-esteem character, and have an unspeakable gap with their parents. I once watched a variety show and instantly became a fan of my parents, a postdoc at MIT. In remote villages, many parents go out to work and their children become left-behind children. As for the parents of this postdoctoral fellow, they are willing to stay in poverty just to be with him. Although their education level is not high, their awareness of education is very high. They use encouragement and love to walk through the growing up time with their children: the father will tell his son a story before going to bed; every night, the family of four will sit around the table, holding books and reading, creating a good learning atmosphere for the children. The parents\’ attentive companionship eventually raised both sons to be excellent. Studies have shown that parents’ attentive companionship will make children’s hearts rich and strong. Such children are keen to participate in various activities and have a lively and healthy mentality. Even if they do not grow to the height expected by their parents, they can still have good qualities to adapt to society. If we say that children are the most beautiful gift given by God to their parents. Then, caring attentively is the most precious gift parents give to their children. Not long ago, there was a sad news: a 15-year-old girl in Sichuan died tragically from the 25th floor. What is even more tragic is that the father who was trying to catch his daughter downstairs was injured by her daughter who fell from the building. Unfortunately, he passed away even after resuscitation failed. The girl’s brother said: The girl was unwilling to communicate with her elders during her lifetime. What happened to this girl? She would rather swallow her grievances than tell her parents what was on her mind. Probably, her parents don\’t like listening to her. \”Positive Discipline\” says: \”If parents are unwilling to listen and understand their children, they may eventually lose the opportunity to listen. In the end, the children will not be willing to say anything to their parents.\” A mother around me once shared: Her child As soon as she entered kindergarten, she became reluctant to share school affairs with her. She was worried that by adolescence, she would not be able to find out anything about her child. But later, this situation changed because of a small thing. Once, her voice became hoarse and she could not speak. She listens to whatever the child says. After a week, she noticed that her child was talking to her more and more. She then realized that it was not that the children were unwilling to speak, but that the parents were not good at listening and understanding their children. Often, as soon as a child opens his mouth to tell something, he is immediately choked back by the various rationales presented by his parents. If parents don\’t listen to their children and don\’t give them a chance to express, they will never be able to get into their children\’s hearts. Not every time our children want to ask for our help when they express something to us. Children just want their feelings to be accepted and understood by their parents. As parents, if we want to get into the hearts of our children, we must know how to listen patiently. We only need to understand children\’s emotions, express them in a friendly way, and encourage them in a timely manner; naturally andIn other words, you will gain a close parent-child relationship. Love to compare children There was a question on Zhihu: \”My parents always like to compare me with others, how can I stop them from doing this?\” This question triggered a heated discussion among many netizens. Behind it, what is reflected is that parents, in addition to competing for houses, cars, and lovers, are more interested in competing with others for their children. In our lives, many parents have said something like this: \”Look at other people\’s children studying so well, why can\’t you?\” \”Look at other people\’s children being able to endure hardships, why can\’t you?\”… If Parents always compare their children with others, what will happen to their children in the end? \”I am not as good as others, so I don\’t deserve better.\” \”I made my parents sad, and I am guilty.\” \”I did not meet my parents\’ expectations, and I owe them.\” Writer Liu Yong once said: \”Those Children who live in the shadow of being compared by their parents cannot feel the respect, affirmation and appreciation of their parents. Their hearts are like a barren and desolate land, lacking the vitality and vitality that originally belonged to a child. Vitality.\” I deeply believe that not comparing your children with others is the best way to practice as a parent. Every child is unique. He cannot be perfect or useless. As parents, we should play such a role: not like a judge, condescendingly commenting on the strengths and weaknesses of our children; rather, we should be like a gardener, carefully guarding and waiting for the flowering period of our children. As parents, we raise children to participate in the growth of a life. Every child\’s reunion with their parents in the world is the most beautiful and profound connection. Every child is a unique individual. As parents, we should have a good attitude and a calm mood; spend more time with our children, listen patiently to their voices, and encourage them to be themselves. Children raised in this way will surely be able to continue to grow and create a life of their own in the love and companionship of their parents.