What kind of family can raise successful children?

Don’t define success by your child’s 18-year-old achievements. We often make a mistake: We look at the child in front of us and think, how successful is he? Parents who do this tend to focus too much on two things: happiness or grades. If you only focus on the child\’s immediate happiness and have no requirements for the child, then such happiness will be short-lived and fleeting. If you only care about your child\’s performance, you will only see the child\’s achievements, not the child himself. We should not look at the child in front of us, but imagine the child growing up to be 35 years old. If parents start to consider what specific qualities are needed to succeed as a 35-year-old adult, the education of their children will be much easier, and parents will know better how to choose. Different ways of education. We should prepare our children for their future development and success, and cultivate people who have the potential to succeed at the age of 35, 40, or 50. By taking a long-term view, our understanding of successful childhood and adolescence broadens. What kind of person is successful and happy at the age of 35, 40, or 50? It\’s not about what you have, it\’s about who you are. Successful adults are those who have a sense of worth and purpose that can repair the world, are compassionate, loving, and kind-hearted, work hard, are tenacious and care about others, and cherish relationships with family, friends, and society. Grit (moving toward long-term goals) , stick to your passion, and still be able to persevere in your efforts even after failure. This quality is called perseverance,” Angela Duckworth defined Grit in her 2013 TED talk.) Creativity and innovation, social intelligence (SocialIntelligence) and Emotional Intelligence (Emotional Intelligence) to promote leadership and collaboration, the ability to listen to constructive criticism, and a lifelong desire to learn. Resilience. If we see life as a sprint, we will do everything possible to rush to the finish line. Plan for the future. Once we fall, we lose, so we cannot afford a small failure; but if we regard life as a marathon, then our goals will be longer-term. If everyone around us can cooperate with each other Only by encouraging each other can we go further. If you hit a wall and fall, get up and keep running to find a better way. Of course, success also includes a good education and career to make a living, but I believe that the above qualities are all It greatly enhances a person\’s ability to survive in society and find meaning and satisfaction in what he or she does. We must stop defining success by a child\’s achievements at the age of eighteen, such as climbing a vine. Entering a good university, this kind of thinking will destroy the child\’s ability to succeed in their twenties, thirties, forties and fifties. Love the child as a person, not their achievements. If we think that any test or activity of the child, Any moment may affect the child\’s life, then we will become the tiger in the child\’s life, and the children and parents will live in this kind of tension and anxiety every day. What are the high requirements for children? It is grades, Performance, elite schools, or awards?The definition of high requirements is that parents can know what kind of person their children are, and parents expect their children to show their good nature and excellent qualities. The focus is not on their external achievements, but on the expectation that they will have a high overall quality in all aspects of their internal qualities as a person. Children will grow according to their parents\’ expectations. If parents have high expectations for their children, children will tend to work hard for them. But it must be emphasized clearly here that high requirements do not refer to external achievements, not straight A\’s, nor awards and sports honors, but consideration, respect, honesty, kindness, responsibility, etc. These are the things parents hope their children will have. Excellent character. Perfectionism Why is perfectionism bad? Because perfectionists have low self-esteem, are afraid of getting a B, are afraid of imperfection, are afraid of disappointing parents, lack creativity, and are afraid of criticism and suggestions. It can be said that perfectionism is the grave of creativity. Such children tend to avoid uncertainty and thus do not consider innovation. Children will be afraid of trying new things, afraid of innovation, and afraid of everything unknown. And truly accomplished people feel that they are very lucky to have the opportunity to do what they do. If you make your child afraid of B, if your social circle makes your child afraid of B, it is equivalent to breaking the child\’s legs. If children are afraid of disappointing their parents, there must be emotional problems; if parents are afraid of their children failing now, then the children will often fail even more miserably when they grow up, because the children did not learn how to face failure correctly when they were young. Children are not products we show off, and children are not pursued to please us. We love our children unconditionally as a person, not for their achievements. No one can be good at everything. Correctly define success and respect children’s independence. If you define success as going to Harvard, then you have turned your child’s growth process into the process of making a resume for applying to prestigious schools. If you define success as who your children will be at thirty-five, who your grandchildren will be, their success, their security, their happiness, their creativity, then I believe we are Talk about good topics and get to the heart of the topic. The suicide rate among Asian college students is growing rapidly, with Asian girls having the highest suicide rate in college. Perfectionism seems to be very high among Asians. Because perfectionism makes people feel inferior. I don\’t wish any child to suffer like this. I am very excited and honored to be invited to give this speech, because you will spread my educational ideas and tell everyone what true success is, so that you can save lives. Please spread this educational concept through social networks to form a social atmosphere so that when parents start chatting, they don’t talk about which university their children went to or what their test scores were, but about what kind of person their children are and what their children are looking for. Interested in sharing parent-child relationships? If we all talked about topics like this, children would all grow up well. Allow children to make mistakes; praise effort rather than results; build sparkle and encourage uniqueness. Parents’ long-term goal: to raise a healthy adult. Parents’ short-term goal: to cultivate their children’s eagerness to learn. If parents put too much pressure on their children, the children will no longerIf a child likes to learn, the path his children will take in the future will be further away from success. People\’s success is often due to a continuous love of learning. The mid-term goal of parents is to find a direction that matches their children’s interests and promote a love of learning. It\’s not an Ivy League, but the direction the child really loves and the passion to work hard for it. Telling children what is wrong won\’t help them, but showing them what is right will. If you respect your child\’s independence, your child will get closer to you. If you say to your child, I want you to become independent, I want you to be free, but independence and freedom require your efforts to win. If you say this, the child will have a great self-image, feel that he is in control of his own behavior, and know that you support his independence. The child will spend his entire life with his parents as an independent self. Sometimes children behave ruthlessly and pretend not to love their parents. This is because they love us and are hurt. Knowing this, we can survive difficult times. Control your children and they will stay away from you. Give a child independence, and the child will spread its wings, fly everywhere, and land back in its parent\’s nest, and the child will return many times throughout its life. Loving your children for who they are, not for what they have accomplished, is what gives your children the greatest strength in life. \”Dear God, please grant me the grace and serenity to accept the things that cannot be changed, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to distinguish their differences.\” As a parent, there are also limits. Children sometimes Parents are furious. At this time, parents need to remind themselves and ask themselves to love their children as people, and give themselves time to reflect on who they are, what their beautiful nature and qualities are, and the things and beautiful intimacy that their children have done that have moved you. The time… Effective parent-child time will stimulate the child\’s inner drive. How to understand who the child is depends on how you view productive time with your child. If parents mistakenly believe that productive time with their children is about figuring out how to maximize their children\’s achievements, such as grades and awards, then they will never understand who their children really are. The most productive times for parents and their children are dinner, cuddling and intimacy with their children, and daily conversations and chats with their children to understand what their children are thinking. This is the most effective parent-child time, which will stimulate the child\’s internal drive and achieve better results. In contrast, focusing on children\’s short-term achievements may excite them for a while, but they will soon lose their enthusiasm and motivation. Parents need to let their children discover themselves, clarify their thoughts, and encourage them to contribute their own strength to the society and the world, so as to cultivate a successful child. The best gift you can give your children is to take care of yourself. When you take care of yourself, you set an example of how to live as a resilient person, as a happy, life-loving person, as a caring person, as a powerful person with meaning in life. If all our lives are centered on children, we will make the lives of adults in their forties and fifties look eclipsed, lacking interest and pursuits, and children will not be full of longing and hope for their future.