10 tips to teach kids how to control their emotions

Teaching children how to manage their emotions is an important part of early childhood education for parents. For this reason, we share the following article, which collects a total of 10 tips for parents to successfully become their babies’ emotional management coaches. The first step to help children recognize and manage their emotions is to be able to identify their own emotions. We can point out the children\’s various emotions at any time: excitement, disappointment, pride, loneliness, expectation, etc., and continuously enrich the child\’s emotional vocabulary. Now many parents can consciously empathize with their children. In fact, one function of empathy is to help children recognize their specific feelings at that time. What needs to be reminded is that sometimes when a child is very angry, he will also be disgusted with this kind of emotion recognition and will not listen at all. We can let him calm down first, and after the child calms down, we can go back and talk to him about his feelings just now. The more emotions a child can recognize, the more clearly and accurately he can express them, which is the beginning of processing emotions. Only by being able to express can he communicate and think of solutions. Sometimes, just by expressing it, the emotion resolves. The most effective complete set of video courses on parent-child communication and coordination skills. Taste beautiful things with your children. When talking about positive emotions, we should deliberately pay more attention to the beautiful things in life, so as to add positive elements to ourselves. How to do this? There are many ways to taste good. For example, point out various details worth savoring to your children at any time. It is easy to overlook the little things in life. When we point them out to our children, we are prolonging these moments and expanding these details. Every day after school, we often look at the colors of the sunset. Sometimes it\’s pink, and she says it\’s strawberry-flavored; sometimes it\’s golden, and she says it\’s orange-flavored. It had just snowed in the past two days. When my daughter and I came back, the road was full of ice and slippery, making the walk very difficult. She was optimistic and said the bushes were covered in marshmallows. We felt the broken ice under our feet again. We imagine a kingdom of ice and snow and imagine ourselves living in it. She found bubbles under the thin ice and stepped on them, causing the bubbles to move. I hugged her again and touched the ice hanging on the tree… I hope she would ignore the difficult road and keep these little bits of beauty in her heart. Another way to savor the good things is to store memories and prolong the good times. That is to say, take photos and videos of good things, write diary records, archive them, and often watch them with your children to review these beautiful moments. In addition, to improve the quality of taste, it is necessary to cultivate the habit of children to concentrate on doing things without any distractions. Today\’s life is fast-paced, and children can learn from adults to combine several things when doing things. This may seem to improve efficiency, but in fact it develops the habit of distraction. Eating, talking on the phone, walking mindfully, we can all feel more from it. Another important way to savor good things is to share them. We all know that children cannot be forced to share. Encourage children to take the initiative to share so that they can feel the fun. The reason why a child is sometimes reluctant to share is because he still lacks a sense of security about ownership, has limited logical thinking ability, and feels that the environment is uncontrollable and unpredictable. Adults need to understand these. In fact, very young children can also have active pointsthe act of enjoying. My daughter and her kindergarten friends often share food with each other. At home, when eating fruit, she would share it with the adults first, and she would take the initiative to show it to everyone if there was any good stuff, although sometimes she was very reserved – she would only show it to you for a second and then take it back, or Only allowed to look and not touch. Sharing good things and doubling the beauty, I think this is in human nature. Mencius taught King Xuan of Qi: \”Which one is better, whether you enjoy music alone or with others?\” King Xuan of Qi admitted that it is better to enjoy music with others, and the more people, the better. Always affirm positive character and character. Several positive characters and characters are listed above. In fact, there are more that are not listed, such as trust, equality, respect, etc. We usually pay less attention to the so-called shortcomings and mistakes of children, as well as various deficiencies in abilities, and pay more attention to the manifestations of these excellent characters in children. Once discovered, we will affirm them in time. Over time, the children will develop more in these directions. . Parents nowadays pay too much attention to abilities. We can think of it this way. It is difficult to say which abilities a child will have the opportunity to develop when he grows up, but good character and character are useful everywhere. Ability may be buried and wasted, but character and character will never be. Recognizing and emphasizing the sense of growth I coined the word: sense of growth. We adults all feel happy when we find that we have grown. For children, growth is everything to them, so it is even more important. Whenever a child makes progress, we point it out in time, let him see it, and tell him, do you remember what you were like last year or last month? You can do this now! Progress, improvement, and growth are what best reflect a child\’s own value. Seize the opportunity at any time, discover specific progress, and tell your children that you are better today than you were yesterday! Cultivate interests and hobbies and provide opportunities to engage in doing things. The cultivation of interests and hobbies cannot be overemphasized. Psychologists have found that people with mature interests and hobbies are more interested in new things and have stronger learning ability. Because their learning is more intrinsically motivated, they have stronger willpower and passion. I think that in addition to the role of hobbies in educating people, cultivating sentiments, leisure, etc., they can also be like a spiritual friend, allowing people to share with them when they are happy and talk to them when they are sad. In addition, it may also provide people with a new identity, allowing you to have a richer life experience. For example, you are a teacher, but outside the classroom, you might tell others that you are a master baker. But that\’s not the most important thing. Hobbies can provide us with an opportunity to devote ourselves to doing something, and this feeling of devotion is very valuable. Some psychologists call this a \”sense of well-being,\” and it is said to be an important source of happiness. When you do something you love, you are so absorbed in it that you lose track of time and your own existence. Zhuangzi described this situation several times. According to him, at this time you are connected with the \”Tao\”, so you will be able to perform miraculous things. The secret to achieving this feeling of contentment is to achieve a delicate balance between your technique and challenge. That is to say, the difficulty of what you do is exactly the same as your ability.Quite flat. Of course, it\’s best if you like to do this. But having said that, many times, even if it is a neutral thing, such as writing homework, if the ability and difficulty are equal, we will all enjoy the process. So we look back and think about what things we should choose for our children to do. Out of love, we always want to give our children more enjoyment. However, let him enjoy passively, such as watching TV and eating, and he will also have fun, but these fun are superficial and short-lived. As for things that are a little challenging, he is more able to devote himself to them. If the difficulty is too great, he will lose interest. In fact, children can often experience this sense of joy when playing games. When my daughter is playing, if I ask her if she wants to eat an apple or something, she usually doesn\’t listen at all. Therefore, it is very valuable for children to play immersedly and freely. We should encourage them more and interrupt them less. When children get older, they tend to have a lot of utilitarianism involved in doing things, and they are under pressure and find it difficult to devote themselves wholeheartedly. Nowadays, many interest classes have made interest boring. We parents need to reflect more on our role in this. Give children “psychological toys”, a word I coined casually. When psychologists conduct intervention experiments to improve happiness, they have some seemingly ordinary and naive practices. For example, they record the good things that happened that day and explain why you feel good; writing down can show your good side. Things to review every day. According to research, writing down three things that make you feel good every day is very effective and the effect lasts long. We can do this ourselves, or we can guide our children to do this. We can use these good things as psychological toys to play with when we feel a little depressed. We can also organize these good deeds in our minds every day before going to bed or during other free time. Everyone can try it. In fact, this is training our ability to change our thoughts. We can take time to think about good things with our children. We can prepare a beautiful notebook for our child to record his good deeds. Or prepare a small whiteboard or a display wall for him to record at any time. Or prepare a good deeds box for your children, and store all the things or photos that can trigger good memories in it, and pour them out when you have time… In addition to good deeds, this psychological toy can also allow you to see the overall situation and the macroscopic view. On one side, see thebigpicture. For example, when you are angry about a little thing about your child, you can think about it: Overall, he is a good child, I am a good mother, I have a good job, and I am basically satisfied with all aspects of my life… and then look at what I just said. matter, we can look at it more calmly. Cultivate characters such as gratitude, empathy, tolerance, and optimistic thinking habits. Our parents\’ attitudes have a huge impact on our children. Sometimes I feel that my daughter will complain a little. Before she says anything, I start to express my gratitude to the good side and express my satisfaction. Her thoughts are also brought to my mind. In fact, I think that more often than not, children are more optimistic and less negative judgmental than adults. Sometimes adults will use their own ideas to deduce that children don’t have any dissatisfaction at first. After hearing what the adults say, they will immediately become dissatisfied.Negative. Therefore, parents should be cautious in their words and deeds. Don’t rush to make evaluations and draw conclusions. Wait and observe more. We should have more gratitude, empathy, tolerance and optimistic thinking in our own comments. This is good education. I often review the day\’s events with my child before going to bed. In addition to summarizing her progress, I also think about what good things have happened, what we should feel satisfied and grateful for, and then look forward to sweet dreams and make jokes. For older children who are in school, we can let them occasionally write a gratitude diary and a diary of good things (things that make them happy and proud). You don’t have to write every day, otherwise he will be disgusted and find it difficult to persist. You can write one or two articles a week. Or let him review the things he is thankful for and the things he is proud of that day before going to bed every day. I think doing this is far more important than criticizing his shortcomings. Do not engage in emotional kidnapping. I have seen some experts tell parents to tell their children: \”If you do that, mom will be very angry\” or \”If you do that, mom won\’t like it.\” I think parents should try to avoid saying this as much as possible. Our adults\’ normal emotional reactions can let our children know that there is no need to hide them. We can be angry. But it is not a good idea to always use parents\’ emotions to discipline their children. If you always say this, the child will feel that he should be responsible for the adult\’s emotions. He will forget the original meaning of following the rules, and he will easily have a lot of unnecessary self-blame and guilt. The correct way is to let the child see the bad consequences of his bad behavior and make him responsible for his own behavior rather than the parent\’s emotions. Sometimes after my daughter is crying, when she is in a better mood, I occasionally tell her, do you know, it really bothers me when you cry. But the key point is that you are wasting your time by crying. If you come over to eat early, you will be happy when you are full, and you can play for a while. Is it…teach your children to be responsible for their own behaviors and emotions? Responsible. And we parents are also responsible for our own emotions. If we have negative emotions because of things that have nothing to do with the child, then tell the child that mom is in a bad mood because of other things, so mom will stay by herself for a while, and when she feels better, she will play with you right away. In this way, the child can also learn that when he has bad emotions, he will calm down for a while and practice handling it on his own. He will also learn that there is nothing wrong with having bad emotions. The previous talk about accepting children’s negative emotions is mostly about the construction of positive psychology. Next, let’s talk about the handling of negative emotions that cause us the most headaches. Regarding children\’s negative emotions, we should not deny, suppress, belittle, doubt, or say \”what\’s terrible about this\”, \”you shouldn\’t feel disappointed\”, \”you have no reason to be angry\”, etc., but should help the children to Accept it, recognize it, and then teach how to deal with it. The prerequisite for teaching children to manage negative emotions is that we ourselves must be able to deal with them calmly. We will find that it is really difficult to do this. Why is it so difficult? Because when a child loses his temper or has other negative emotions, our instinctive reaction is – there\’s trouble again! How dare you confront me! Why was my education such a failure! How big do you have to be to be able to…! I paid so much, how could you treat me like this… So we were sweating all over our bodies and our blood was gushing… We are in such a state, and of course we cannot expect our children to calm down. To change this reaction, we must first realize that negative emotions are beneficial to children and are a good opportunity for them to understand themselves, improve their emotional intelligence, and learn and grow. It\’s neutral, not a bad thing. Think of it as a gust of wind, control it, and even use it to generate electricity or fly a kite. Secondly, try to separate your child\’s behavior and emotions from your own. Solve your own fatigue, complaints, and grievances yourself. Don\’t make unreasonable hooks. When my daughter makes me angry, I enlighten myself like this: On the one hand, it’s because she is just a child, that’s it; on the other hand, I reflect on my shortcomings in discipline and what improvements can be made. She is the result of my education. Who are you to complain to? Just improve yourself. I think if parents think less of the victim and think more about how to improve, it will also help us control our emotions and become less angry. Then tell yourself, of course I can be imperfect, and if I can’t do it, I just have to work hard to improve. Only when we accept our children\’s negative emotions can we not deny, suppress, belittle, or doubt his emotions, and teach our children to accept their emotions. Give children a chance to deal with negative emotions on their own When a child throws a tantrum, our instinct is to put out the fire. If we recognize the meaning of negative emotions, we will know that we do not have to rush to make the emotions disappear, but we should try our best to give the child opportunities to feel and recognize them, and at the same time, practice calming down on our own. Every time he calms down, his emotional control ability is exercised. Of course, for children under two years old, parents should still use the transfer method to coax them first, and then reason. So, now my method for dealing with my child\’s crying is: when I find that she is a little emotional and may have an attack, if she does not need my help, I often find an excuse to avoid it. I find that usually as soon as I step away, she gets better on her own pretty quickly. When she does have a seizure, come back. Sometimes I don\’t say anything, just touch her head and wipe her tears. If I get angry, or she refuses to let me get close to her, I just keep a book by my side. If it\’s something she\’s particularly unreasonable about, I\’ll just say a few words. This kind of impassioned speech is also useful. It can help her see the consequences of her actions and the reactions they cause. When she realizes that she is wrong, her reason begins to recover and she overcomes her emotions. During this process, if parents themselves can maintain a neutral attitude, this will help their children calm down better. In many cases, children are fueled by their parents\’ bad moods, making them even worse. Teach him ways to deal with negative emotions, such as hitting the sofa and pillows (of course, use with caution for little boys who like to hit others), tearing paper (in fact, the rationale behind these cathartic methods is to be least destructive and not affect others. way to vent your emotions); talking method: chatting with someone, writing a diary, and drawing at will; calming method: counting, taking deep breaths; transfer method: watching the scenery, listening to music, exercising, and doing your own hobbies. There are also those methods that can arouse positive emotions written before, such as thinking about good things, savoring good things, etc. Then, after you have calmed down a bit,Teach your children to analyze and think, think about what happened to the emotion just now, what caused it, what can be done to avoid that situation in the future, and what to do if a similar situation occurs next time. There is an interesting phenomenon, that is, for negative emotions, you need to analyze more, think more, and find ways to resolve them. But for positive emotions, try to analyze as little as possible and feel them more as a whole. A good thing, sometimes if you analyze too much, the good feelings will disappear.