The importance of a good parent-child relationship, parents need to give up 3 things

Child education expert Qian Zhiliang once said: \”The parent-child relationship is greater than education. If parents want to educate their children well, they must first establish a good parent-child relationship.\” A good parent-child relationship is the source of love and security for children. Being able to perceive love, express love, and establish a sense of security will also affect the development of their character and personality, as well as the way they get along with others. Harvard University spent 75 years tracking more than 700 people and found the root of happiness, which is not the pursuit of wealth, power, and fame, but good interpersonal relationships based on family, friends, and society. In a comfortable parent-child relationship, parents must learn to give up three things. 6980 Yuan Zhang Guowei\’s Comprehensive Parent-Child Relationship Skills Recording + Handouts + Quick Notes Give up preaching, acceptance is the best persuasion. Some time ago, I watched the popular variety show \”21 Days Before Marriage\” and became a big fan of Wu Chun. Not only because of his deep love and romance with his wife for 20 years, but also because of the wisdom and warmth he showed when convincing his two children to allow him and his wife to travel and get married. He initially planned to use fairy tales to persuade Neinei and Max, but he failed. \”The two of us are going on vacation. Is it okay for you to stay in Brunei?\” Neinei and Max said in unison: \”No!\” So he changed his strategy and confessed to his two children: \”Mom and dad are going to take wedding photos.\” Still not convinced. agree. He used his trump card and said he wanted to play a treasure hunt game, which attracted two siblings this time. The game is that he will put 8 gifts in various corners of the house, send a video every day, and accompany them to find one. When all the gifts are found, his parents will go home. The siblings happily agreed. In this process, he did not directly make decisions by himself regardless of the children\’s opinions, nor did he persuade them to be sensible, understand and support their parents\’ decisions. Instead, he always stood in their perspective, understood their feelings, and What was originally a separation that might have been filled with tears and reluctance has turned into a game full of expectations. Because he knows that no matter which of the first two methods is adopted, unpleasant results will occur. What he does is to think from the child\’s perspective, accept the child\’s emotions, and resolve such emotions in a gentle way. In the book \”Child, Give Me Your Hand\”, the author mentioned a small thing. Nine-year-old Eric was angry when his class canceled their picnic plan because of rain. Usually when dad encounters this kind of situation, his response is, \”The weather is bad, and there\’s no point crying. There will be time to play in the future, and I didn\’t make it rain. Why are you angry at me?\” The result of saying this is usually… Rick gets even more angry, angering the whole family and starting a parent-child war. This time, Dad changed his attitude and said gently: \”You look disappointed.\” Eric responded: \”Of course I am disappointed.\” Dad said: \”You have prepared everything, but damn it rained.\” .\” Eric said, \”Yes, that\’s it.\” After a while, Eric said to himself, \”But we can play again later,\” and everything was calm at home. The two communication effects are completely different. We are often like Eric\’s father, when we encounter a problem, the first reaction isIt should be preaching or blaming, forgetting to feel the child\’s mood and accept his emotions. Sun Li once said: \”When a child is dissatisfied, angry, or sad, all he needs is a hug from you. Don\’t preach, understand him from his perspective, support him, and encourage him. Those great principles will wait for them to be in good mood. Let’s talk about it when the time comes.” Because of understanding, children can be closer to our hearts, and because of acceptance, children can quickly heal their emotions. Rough preaching will only create distance and resentment, while understanding and acceptance will make parents and children closer and more harmonious. Give up comparison, and every child will shine. \”Look at how well Lao Wang\’s children study. Look at how sensible Lao Li\’s children are. Look at how promising that classmate of yours is. Look at how filial someone is…\” Such words seem familiar. , because when many of us were growing up, our parents were more or less compared to other people’s children. Other people\’s children are a thorn in the side of every child being compared. Comparison has also become a gap between parents and children, causing a gap in the parent-child relationship. A netizen on Zhihu told his story. When I was learning piano as a child, my mother used the idea of ​​two \”other people\’s children\” who were learning piano together to numb me. When I was in junior high school and couldn\’t solve a problem, my father would bring out the child of one of his colleagues who was very fast at solving problems and scold him. After the college entrance examination, I estimated that If the child gets a higher score, the parents will humiliate them by bringing up a child who has a higher score. Encouraged by their parents\’ constant comparisons, netizens lived up to their expectations and graduated in 1985 to study in the United States, where they found a decent job and lived a decent life. But he rarely communicates and chats with his parents. Their parents complain that he has not returned to China for many years and is not close to them. He is like other people\’s children. He thinks to himself, isn\’t this what you have always asked for? Parents are children, and their plans are far-reaching. Every parent wants their children to become better and have a better life. However, the ubiquitous comparison is like a sharp weapon, stabbing the child\’s self-esteem and destroying the parent-child relationship that should be warm and happy. \”Chu Ci Bu Ju\” says: The ruler is long, the inch is short, the material is insufficient, the wisdom is unclear, the number is not grasped, and the spirit is not clear. Flowers bloom in four different seasons. Every child is unique and has his or her own characteristics. Maybe he is not smart enough, but he is sincere enough; maybe he is not the best at studying, but he is the most popular in the class; maybe he is not so obedient, but he will always give you unexpected little surprises… We want What you need to do is to calm down, learn to appreciate the shining points of your children, and give praise and encouragement. Don\’t rush, just wait for the flowers to bloom. Just like the lines in the movie: You don\’t need to do everything as well as others, you just need to find the brightest side of yourself. You are a unique star on this earth. Give up control and let children be their own masters. Montessori said: \”Since the day they are born, children have been gradually getting rid of dependence on others, and finally require themselves to become spiritually independent.\” All relationships in the world are based on aggregation. Purpose, only parent-child relationship points to separation. Parents are like passers-by in their children’s lives. They canParticipate in the first half of his life, but there is no guarantee that you can accompany him in the second half of his life. Companionship and care is love, interfering in everything, but excessive control is a kidnapping in the name of love, which is suffocating. In one episode of \”Youth Talk\”, a girl stood on the rooftop and said to her mother: \”Mom, can you give me some space of my own?\” She complained about her mother. Ever since she gave her a mobile phone, she would check her phone every day. . Always tell her what she can and cannot say, what friends she can and cannot make. I like to say these words: You can’t make this friend, and it will be of no use to your studies. This sentence cannot be said, it has nothing to do with learning. Those in the class can chat about study issues, but those outside the class cannot chat. Boys should stay away. She sincerely begged her mother: \”I already have the ability to distinguish right from wrong. Can you please give me some space of my own?\” Her mother decisively refused, saying that she would never be given separate space in junior high school and high school. The reason is that if you are close to red, you will be red, and if you are close to ink, you will be dark. You can chat if it is helpful to your study, but all irrelevant chats will be deleted. He also said to his daughter: \”I ask for your forgiveness if I don\’t have your permission. I will delete everything with your permission.\” His attitude seemed polite but was non-negotiable. The mother said \”I love you most\”, but turned a blind eye to her daughter\’s silence and loneliness on the stage. The silence was due to disappointment, and the long-term accumulation of disappointment and eagerness to get rid of control would only make her more and more reluctant to confide in her mother. A parent-child relationship that lacks respect and understanding is destined to end in wishful thinking. In the end, the most selfless love that parents think is just their own opinion. The child just wants to be free from this relationship. Smart parents know how to give their children the closest attachment when they need it, and also know how to exit gracefully when their children grow up. Mr. Takako Shinagawa of Japan said: \”The relationship between children and their parents is the key to the transformation of the child\’s life. It is also the basis for them to enter society in the future and basically interact with others. If you care about your children, don\’t forget to value your relationship with your children.\” A good parent-child relationship: [Must-see for parents] Zeng Shiqiang’s Comprehensive Parent-child Relationship Skills, 24 episodes 1.2G, is to give up teaching tirelessly but destroying love by constantly preaching; giving up expectations for children that are not in line with their age and themselves; giving up confining children in the name of love Control in a cage. Only in this way can children perceive everything that is beautiful in the initial parent-child relationship. In the future, the way of getting along with others will be soaked in a warm and pleasant way. Become a person like the sun, full of confidence, love and energy, able to shine and heat without the help of others. Being a parent is a practice of mind and wisdom. The best gift for your children is to carefully manage a wonderful parent-child time, and use the background of happy childhood to weave a pair of light and flexible armor, giving them the power to heal for a lifetime!