How to teach your children to be independent people?

Recently I saw a message from a mother: When her child plays in the community, he always follows other children and does whatever others do. When he disagrees with others, he gives up after others say a few words; let him make decisions. I\’m always submissive and feel like I can\’t beat a fart with three sticks. You think I am such a resolute person, how could I raise such a child with no independent opinion and a cowardly character? In fact, every child has his own ideas and opinions. The biggest reason for not having an opinion is probably that they feel that what they say does not count, so they don’t want to say anything more. Maybe your words are the root cause of the child\’s lack of opinion. I went to the mall over the weekend and met a mother and daughter choosing clothes. The girl was about 12 years old and was following her mother. Her mother urged her to \”see if there is anything you like.\” The girl first chose a white dress, and her mother said, \”It gets dirty easily!\” Then, the girl chose a black dress, and her mother said, \”It\’s too boring for a young age.\” Finally, when her mother took the When asked about her opinion on the same pink dress, she replied, “It’s okay”! As a result, the mother began to scold her daughter for being as unassertive as her father. …Do girls really have no opinion? She initially chose white clothes for herself! Being assertive does not mean that the child\’s actively expressed ideas must be consistent with yours. Sometimes, children are obviously very independent, but under the pressure of adults, they are no longer willing to express their ideas… I remembered a story shared by psychologist Li Songwei a few days ago: In kindergarten , there was a child named Doudou. When doing handicrafts in class, Doudou chose red paper. Early English teaching for young children pocoyo little p Youyou Season 1 to Season 3, all 125 episodes [720P HD version] The classmate said: \”Choose the blue one.\” Doudou said: \”Okay, then choose blue.\” This At that time, the teacher came over and said, \”Doudou, you don\’t have to listen to him. You can stick to your own ideas.\” Doudou said, \”Let\’s choose blue.\” The teacher said, \”Doudou, you really don\’t have to listen to him because of him.\” If you want to change your choice, you can discuss it with him.\” Doudou said, \”No, just choose blue.\” After that, the teacher and Doudou\’s parents said, \”Your Doudou family is too opinionated. Will reject others.\”…The story is over, teacher Li Songwei said: \”But I saw that Doudou rejected the teacher three times in front of the teacher and insisted on choosing blue!\” In daily life, do you often say \” This is not okay, you still don’t understand, listen to your parents”? How can such a child have his own opinion? Slowly, children become accustomed to listening to other people\’s opinions in everything they do. If you listen to your parents at home, you will also listen to others outside. Therefore, when you find that your child is not independent enough, you have to think about whether you have destroyed your child\’s subjective independence. What will it be like for a child who has no opinion when he grows up? \”I care very much about other people\’s opinions. I bought a piece of clothing that I really liked, but my friend casually said it didn\’t fit, so I immediately returned it.\” \”When eating with friends, when people ask what they want to eat, the answer is always that it\’s up to you. Even if I want to eat, I\’m embarrassed to say it.\” \”I clearly have objections to the work arrangement, and I\’m very polite to my colleagues.It’s hard to express it, so it’s hard to say yes…” People without opinions dare not express their true inner thoughts, and always hope that others will help them make decisions. This kind of dependence is not only due to lack of self-confidence, but also to evade responsibility. Don\’t raise your children to be \”excellent sheep\” without opinions. In one issue of the popular variety show \”Listen Up, Friends\”, Yi Yang Qianxi read a letter. The letter was written by a 25-year-old graduate student: \”I am already 25 I\’m 20 years old, but I feel like I\’m not yet an adult, because my mother is too strict and I don\’t feel independent. \”I am now in graduate school, and I am still required to go home before 11 o\’clock every day.\” \”While living abroad, living expenses were paid once a week. They were afraid that I would spend money randomly, make impulsive purchases, and be hungry at the end of the month.\” \”I have never bought my own clothes when I was growing up. My mother bought them for me.\” \”This friend also said that when he went out to eat with friends, his mother only gave him 50 yuan. Because he had no extra expenses, he couldn\’t even get a girlfriend. His mother\’s meticulous control over everything made him unable to breathe. Come. \”Netizens suggested that he go out and become independent. But he said: \”I really want to be independent, but I am afraid of hurting my mother\’s heart by bringing it up. \”25 years old, highly educated, but struggling with whether he should be independent! He knows it is wrong, but he dare not make up his mind to change. He is afraid that behind his mother\’s sadness, he is hiding a misplaced mentality of having no independent opinion and independent judgment. He has been abused since he was a child. Arranged, controlled, and never made his own decisions, he turned into an \”excellent sheep\” who had no independent opinions and was at the mercy of others. How to raise independent children? Parents always feel that you are my child and I have Qualifications determine what kind of school you should go to, what kind of people you should interact with, what kind of job you should do, and what kind of person you marry later. However, from the moment a child is born, he has slowly become an independent, A thoughtful individual is not an accessory of his parents, but a complete person. An independent child is actually a child who can think independently and make choices. This ability cannot be formed overnight, but requires long-term guidance and education from parents. result. If you want your children to have their own opinions: 1. Create opportunities for children to “call the shots”. Children have many “little things” of their own. Even if they fail, it will not affect the operation of the entire family. Give them to exercise. Autonomy is the most appropriate. These things include but are not limited to: deciding what clothes to wear today; deciding what hairstyle to comb; deciding the pattern of one\’s towel; deciding the color of one\’s toothbrush; deciding what flavor of toothpaste to use; deciding to drink milk or orange juice; Choose stationery that you like;…Don\’t underestimate these \”little\” things. These \”little\” things cultivate children\’s confidence in their own ideas. Only when a child is confident in his own ideas can he dare to be among the crowd Only by speaking and putting forward your own ideas can you gain the support of others, thereby leading and influencing others. 2. Allow your children to make mistakes. If you want your children to have independent opinions and not blindly follow them in the future, at least give them the opportunity to insist on their own opinions and opinions when they are children. Even if it is wrong, as long as it is not a principled mistake, please give your child a chanceI will discover and summarize for myself instead of crudely denying it. To be honest, the world is changing so fast, and the experiences you think are precious may be outdated. When your child has different ideas than your own, you might as well say something like this: \”You are very independent and have great ideas, which is good.\” \”However, I think this method is better. Do you want to consider giving it a try?\” \”Since you I\’m very persistent, then try it yourself.\” \”You did a good job, it seems you are right, you are great.\” \”Are you not doing as you like? Do you want to try my method?\” \”Look. , isn’t this also done well?” Julie Lithcott Hyams once said: “Allowing the freedom to try, fail and do better within a certain range is what children, and anyone, learns to do on their own. The only way to do things. Perfectionism is not only the enemy of goodness, but also the enemy of growth.\” You must remember that please allow your children to make mistakes and stay with them for a while longer. In this way, you will gain a different child and encounter a brand new self. 199 yuan mother of a beautiful Peking University academic: How to cultivate students’ learning ability 3. Let children find their own answers Every child will ask questions one after another endlessly. Experience tells us: Whether a child likes to ask questions or not is related to the child’s success. is an important factor; and how the child gets the answer is a more important factor in the child\’s success. 4. Don’t deny the child’s feelings. In life, we often see scenes like this: Scene 1: The child fell and cried. The mother quickly stepped forward, picked up the child and said, “It doesn’t hurt, be good, good children don’t cry. This floor is a big bad thing, mom will fight it for you!\” Scene 2: The child is full, and the mother says: \”Good boy, you are growing, how can you eat enough? Come on, eat some more, be good! “The child can’t do anything without eating, and ends up being pestered by his mother to eat. Scene 3: The child is in a hurry to go to school, but the mother stops him and forces the child to put on some more clothes. But the child didn\’t feel cold and refused to wear it. My mother said: \”I eat more salt than you eat rice. What should I do if it\’s frozen? Don\’t know what\’s good and what\’s good!\” There are too many such examples. Adults are always accustomed to using their own experiences to deny children\’s feelings. However, many people don’t know that it is even more lethal and more common than not caring about children’s feelings. If a child cannot even recognize his most basic feelings of hunger, cold and warmth, and pain, how can he construct a sense of self? How can a broken self have long-term happiness? Don\’t deny your child\’s judgment and feelings about something at the first time, but respect him. Children who grow up in this atmosphere will always feel their own importance. Tell your children: \”What do I feel? Of course, the most important thing is to see how you feel. Your feelings are more important.\” Only when parents respect their children\’s feelings can children trust their own judgment and stick to their own choices. Becoming an independent person is an essential quality for a good person and a successful person. The most despairing thing for people is not their hardship, but their lack of control over their lives. Only by daring to listen to your inner voice can you take your life into your own hands. Give decision-making power to childrenLet your children be the driver, drive your own life train, and follow your own life trajectory. Some children naturally like to follow. When they are too young, because their social skills, language skills are not enough, and their brains are not clear enough, they will make this kind of \”following\” too obvious and exaggerated, and their parents will see it. I feel very uncomfortable. In fact, as long as the child grows up in a sufficiently relaxed environment and is allowed to express opinions and make requests at home, it will only be a matter of time before he can express his opinions in social interactions. However, he is still a little shy and inexperienced now… wait until the child gradually Growing up, experiencing more things, having better social and expressive skills, and having equal friendships all come naturally. I hope all children can face it calmly no matter what storms they encounter. And confidently said: \”That is my own decision.\”