What is a sense of security? What should I do if my child is very timid and has low self-esteem?

I went out to take out the trash in the morning and saw a particularly distressed child. She is my neighbor. She just entered the first grade of elementary school. On this day, her mother kicked her out and made her stand in the corridor. It was obvious that the child had cried. After seeing me, her wet eyes quickly lowered her eyes. She tried hard to avoid looking at me, turned around and hid in the corner again. It is true that if a child makes a mistake and is punished appropriately, this does not violate the principles of education, but the state of this child is particularly worrying. Because her parents always quarreled and even broke out into violent behaviors such as throwing things, and their parents often insulted their children, this exceptionally \”well-behaved\” girl always looked worried and thoughtful. I remember the last time she was scolded by her mother downstairs. I could clearly see her chest rising and falling, she was breathing heavily and she couldn\’t stop shaking. This child reminded me that many parents always ignore the little things in life, ignore the inner feelings of their children, and ignore the impact of their own actions on their children\’s personalities. I remember Seidez once said: What is the Elementary School Mathematical Olympiad? 24 math lessons on how to effectively improve your grades? \”People are like pottery. They can create the prototype of their lives when they are young. And early childhood is like the clay used to make pottery. What kind of education is given, what kind of prototype will be formed.\” The code for the formation of a child\’s personality is related to innate inheritance. It is related to factors, to individual initiative, and more importantly, to the educational atmosphere of parents. Those \”highly sensitive children\” with flickering and wandering eyes, lack of recognition and respect for themselves, and who cannot withstand setbacks and difficulties have all been shaped into what they are now after countless character refinements through family education. A child\’s sense of security is the soil for character development. The most necessary spiritual supply for a child\’s growth is the strong need for a sense of security. Only after confirming their own safety and being protected and cared for at all times can they have the courage and strength to explore and develop their potential, just like drawing sufficient spiritual nourishment from fertile soil to meet their growth needs. On the contrary, if the environment cannot provide a sense of security, it is like surviving a difficult and humble life in a barren land, and character development is often suppressed and contracted. It’s like Gillian, a singer who, despite her great beauty, can’t suppress her low self-esteem and sensitivity. In the variety show \”We Are Friends\”, she once again opened up her scars and revealed the imprint of a childhood lacking love and security that left a mark on her character. The mother gave birth to a child at an early age, and after giving birth to her at the age of 18, her husband left. Under the heavy pressure of life, she was forced to send Gillian to various relatives\’ homes for foster care. In terms of kindergarten alone, her daughter frequently changed to 6 kindergartens. After experiencing being knocked on the head with her knuckles by relatives, and being beaten and scolded when she asked her mother for help, the sense of wandering left deep in her bones left her with nowhere to settle in her heart. Timidity, sensitivity, lack of love, and low self-esteem have become indelible labels in her character. She was afraid of being abandoned and of the indifference of people around her. The fear was like a ghost hidden deep in her heart, always emitting a cold air, causing her to wrap herself tighter. In the movie \”Ten Years of Wen Ruyan\”, there is also a girl whose sense of security was also destroyed by her native family – Wen Heng. After being fostered for eighteen years, she returned to her biological familyAround her parents, she is always cautious and cautious, and has no sense of security. She can only keep suppressing herself when something happens. A sense of security is a light in a child\’s growth. Children who are illuminated by the light have a sunny, healthy and cheerful personality; children who fail to find the light will crawl around in the darkness without the guidance of a sense of direction. His character gradually became introverted and inferior. If there is a lack of respect and perspective in the relationship between parents and their children, and too much violence and suppression, it will become an invisible and fatal knife for the child\’s sense of security, leaving permanent pain in the child\’s heart. A child\’s sense of security is hidden in every move of his parents. The book \”Raising Secure Children\” points out: \”Those children who are lucky enough to have established a sense of security are most likely to grow up to be careful, emotionally intelligent, communicative, and happy children.\” An individual who is reflective, good at caring for others, and has strong ability to withstand stress.\” Cultivating a child\’s sense of security is a precious gift given to the child by the family of origin, and the positive energy and motivation it brings can even last throughout the child\’s life. In this regard, parents might as well start with a few small things and truly inject every ounce of love and care into their children\’s hearts. 1) Pay attention to children’s emotional needs. Our children often fall into various emotional “crises”. When they are afraid, they need their parents to provide support and protection; when they feel wronged, they need their parents to enlighten and answer their confusion; when they face frustration and depression, they need their parents to provide encouragement and comfort. The timely appearance of parents and close attention to their children will make them feel valuable and present, value themselves and respect themselves, gradually become convinced of their own importance, and love themselves more and more. 2) Be wary of negative emotions. I saw a news article in which a couple quarreled and left their 10-year-old son outside the door. The thinly dressed little boy became a trash can for the negative emotions of his parents. Zhou Hong Appreciation Education Case Video Original Full Series 6VCD+mp3 When adults cannot control their temper and habitually spray emotional garbage, children often develop a guilt mentality and believe that the cause of the current situation is their own fault. With this kind of pressure and guilt, they will gradually devour their sense of security, doubt their own importance, and step into the abyss of low self-esteem and sensitivity. As parents, we have the responsibility and ability to learn and have the ability to control our emotions, protect our children\’s feelings, and become the masters of our own emotions. 3) Trust children and provide support Ma Yili once said in a program that when she was in junior high school, she was suspected of premature love by her teacher, and her ideological and moral character was rated as: poor. After the father learned about it, he ran to the school to see Teacher Zhao, only to learn that his daughter had a puppy love with three or four classmates. The father did not blame his daughter one-sidedly, but firmly supported his daughter and told the teacher that he knew his daughter best and she would not do such a thing. In one sentence, the daughter\’s grievances were resolved, and she became more like a hero who saved the child. With her father\’s trust and support, Ma Yili grew into a confident, sunny and tough woman. Therefore, in the face of children\’s \”mistakes\” and \”problems\”, parents should first adopt an attitude of solving problems and supporting their children, which will help children find a sense of security and support, and dare to communicate effectively with their parents and solve problems head-on. horseDin Seligman said: \”Love, care, enthusiasm and warmth can all be given unconditionally. The more positive atmosphere, the more secure the child will feel. The more secure the child will feel, the more he will dare to explore and control.\” Every A child who is generous, calm, confident and courageous finds a full sense of security from the eyes and actions of his parents in the early stages of his life. This is a source of strength for growth and the best environment for good character development. To love children is not to instill and force them in your own way, but to accompany, understand, give and trust each other in a way that the children can perceive. I hope all parents can find a good way to grow themselves, use good family education, and raise brave and confident children. I also hope that parents and children will live up to this wonderful encounter. Children\’s educational psychology e-book Adlerian psychology book download ultra-clear PDF