The impact of grumpy and irritable parents on their children

There is a popular saying on the Internet: \”One of the characteristics of contemporary young people is that they are becoming more tolerant about big things and more and more irritable about small things.\” This sentence is also very suitable for parents. What should I do if my child has a bad temper and is irritable? This way you can solve the problem of your child being an angel on one side and a little devil on the other. Sometimes it is really overwhelming: you linger at night without sleeping, and you feel sleepy for a long time; when you send him to school in the morning, you are so anxious, and when you look back, The little ancestor is not in a hurry; not to mention when doing homework, he can still get a question wrong after being told it three or five times, which will eventually make you grit your teeth; meeting an uncooperative child is the biggest test of your temper. …So we lose our temper, yell, scold, or even beat our children until they become honest. However, it feels good to be angry for a while, but regret later. After being angry, I felt even more guilty. Thinking that the angry and twisted face just now remained in the child\’s heart, I couldn\’t help but feel distressed. Why do we get angry easily with our children? When parents are irritable, in most cases, it is not because the children are too naughty or difficult to teach, but because there is something wrong with the parents\’ lives. Some parents get angry at their children not because of the bad things their children have done. But my current state was not good, and the child happened to show up with some minor problems, which became a trigger. A netizen once shared his own experience: He has a mother with a bad temper. Her mother\’s anger is like a time bomb, and she doesn\’t know when it will explode. For example, when he came home from school and just turned on the TV, his mother yelled at him: \”I only know how to watch TV, and I don\’t know how to do any housework!\” After school the next day, he cleaned up obediently, but his mother was angry again: \”My homework is too late!\” Don’t do it! Busy here!” According to what he said, his mother could always find a reason to get angry at herself. The essence of parents like this is that they look for their children\’s unhappiness because they are unhappy themselves. For another example, if the child refuses to eat well and refuses to listen, the mother will get angry and threaten. If you think about it carefully, this kind of bad mood appears not because the child refuses to eat, but because the mother feels out of control and powerless towards the child, so she uses anger to force the child to obey her. Swiss psychologist Verena Castel said this in her book \”Anger and Aggression\”: \”Anger comes from the hidden potential for anger in our hearts.\” Simply put, children are not the source of our anger. It\’s because the parents themselves have negative emotions. Irritable parents have the fire of anger in their hearts, which is why they are so easily ignited. How destructive are irritable parents to their children? There was once a hot topic on Weibo called: Children raised by irritable parents. The article tells about a psychologist who asked many children who grew up in such native families and summarized many characteristics. For example: Continuously apologizing and apologizing for all normal things; Unable to control his desire to control because he feels responsible for everyone\’s feelings; Extremely afraid of letting others down; Insecure and afraid of being abandoned; Always trying to please others and neglecting others One\’s own feelings; it is easy to be blind;… Under this Weibo, nearly 30,000 netizens commented expressing their sympathy. I have to admit that having an irritable parent gives your childThe psychological damage caused is irreparable. On the one hand, it deeply damages the relationship and trust between parents and children. On the other hand, children will be very sensitive when getting along with others and are more likely to be hurt. Adler, the master of psychology, said: \”Fortunate people are healed by childhood throughout their lives; unfortunate people are healed by childhood throughout their lives.\” It is difficult for irritable parents to raise happy children. How to reduce the harm of your anger to your children? Can parents never get angry with their children? The answer is difficult. There is no way for people to get rid of their emotions. The problem for most parents is that they cannot express anger. It is not terrible to get angry at their children. The real terrible thing is that anger comes frequently and wantonly. So, how can you reduce the harm your anger does to your children? When you are in a bad mood, give yourself a few minutes to stay away from your child. Anger often comes in an instant. Before reason can arise, out-of-control anger leads us to do things that hurt the other person. So when you are in a bad mood, don\’t try to educate your children at this time. Give yourself time to calm down and figure out \”why you are angry.\” What we need to practice is to pause, wait patiently for a few seconds before making a decision, or temporarily leave the scene of the conflict and go back to the room or bathroom to calm down. Communicate your emotions with your children and express your feelings objectively. Negative emotions are difficult to disappear just by suppressing and forgetting them. The best way is to open up and talk about your troubles, so that these emotions can be released. As Dr. Thomas Gordon, author of \”P.E.T. Parent Effectiveness Training\” once said: \”It is best for parents not to go against their true feelings by trying to expand their acceptance zone.\” As parents, we can also communicate emotions directly with our children, Express your true inner feelings honestly, such as \”Mom is really tired now\”, \”This makes me very angry\”, \”I am very unhappy now\”, etc. Don\’t worry too much that this honesty will affect your child. He can learn from his parents\’ expressions that negative emotions are normal, and even parents need someone to understand their feelings. If you get angry, remember to repair the relationship with your children. Most children are frightened after witnessing adults getting angry. Apologize sincerely to your child, find a quiet place, explain to your child why you lost your temper just now, express your expectations, and point out a clear way for your child to correct the mistake: \”Mom, you are too tired from work today. You are angry, and mom just hopes you can go to bed early, otherwise you will be late for school tomorrow.\” Try to let the child forgive himself and let the child know: there is no shame in apologizing. This demonstration alone allows children to see the value of apologizing. Whether it is parents or children, growth is a process of constant self-reflection and self-correction. By recognizing your mistakes and trying to make up for them, both you and your child will get better. It’s important to remember: the angrier you are, the worse your life will be. At the end of the article, I share a children\’s poem \”Take a Snail for a Walk\” by Taiwanese writer Zhang Wenliang. If you can\’t help but get angry at your children, you might as well read: \”Leading a Snail for a Walk\” God gave me a task and told me to lead a snail for a walk. I can\’t walk too fast. The snail hasI try my best to climb, but why is it always just a little bit smaller every time? I urge it, I bully it, I scold it. The snail looked at me with apologetic eyes, as if to say: I have tried my best! I pulled it, I pulled it, I even tried to kick it. The snail was injured, sweating, panting, and crawling forward… It\’s strange, why did God ask me to take a snail for a walk? Oh, God! Why? There was silence in the sky. well! Maybe God caught the snail! All right! Let go! Anyway, God doesn’t care, so why should I care? Let the snail crawl forward while I sulk behind. Huh? I smell the fragrance of flowers, and it turns out there is a garden here. I felt the breeze. It turned out that the breeze at night was so gentle. Wait! I hear birds chirping, I hear insects chirping. I saw how bright the stars in the sky were! Huh? Why didn\’t I have such a delicate experience before? I suddenly remembered, could I be wrong? It was God who asked a snail to lead me for a walk. Educating a child is like leading a snail for a walk. Don\’t be anxious, don\’t be angry, give him more time. The child will walk slowly, but he will definitely go far.