To cultivate children’s autonomy, you must keep these four do’s and two don’ts in mind

Some time ago, I took my son to the mall to buy clothes. Because it was the weekend, the mall was very noisy with people coming and going. When we entered a children\’s clothing store, we saw a particularly interesting scene: a mother and her daughter were shopping in the mall. When choosing clothes, the mother said to her daughter: [Value 298 yuan] 30 Lessons on the Development of Independent Learning Ability Collection Download \”You have grown up and can choose your own clothes. Whichever one you like, mother will buy it for you!\” The daughter took it She picked up a green coat and said to her mother: \”Mom, I like this green one!\” The mother said: \”This one is too thick. I can\’t wear it now. Let\’s choose another one!\” The daughter picked up another one. Wearing a white sweatshirt, I looked at my mother expectantly and said, \”Mom, this dress is so beautiful.\” My mother said, \”The white one is too stain-resistant. You have to wash it after wearing it for a day or two. It\’s better to choose a darker color.\” Yes!\” After hearing this, the daughter put it down obediently, and then picked up a sweater with bright beads on the neckline. The mother said again: \”This style is good, but the quality doesn\’t look very good. The quality is good. If you can wear it for a longer time, you won’t have to buy it again next fall! Just choose it again.” Listening to the conversation between the mother and daughter, I secretly thought that although this mother said that her children should choose their own clothes, , when the child makes a choice that is not to her liking, she will unconsciously use various reasons to force the child to make a decision according to her own wishes. In fact, the decision-making power still lies in her hands, and the child does not have real autonomy. We all know that autonomy is crucial to the development of a person\’s life. An autonomous person can make decisions independently, control his emotions, does not rely on outside help, and can work hard to achieve his goals under any circumstances. People with autonomy are very independent and do not follow what others say. They know how to respect their own feelings, trust their own judgment, and have extremely firm beliefs. They will not doubt their abilities because of others\’ negative comments, nor will they feel proud of others\’ praise. When doing things, you can start from the actual situation and make reasonable plans to achieve goals; when you encounter difficulties and problems, you will not complain negatively, but will find ways to face and solve them in a timely manner. Many parents unconsciously limit the development of their children\’s autonomy. 1. Do not give their children the right to make their own choices. Like the mother and daughter in the example mentioned at the beginning of the article, many parents are accustomed to making decisions for their children. Maybe even the parents themselves are not aware of this. Invisible control. Because they may have been raising their children in this way for several or more than ten years, this cognitive way has become quite stable and is not easy to change. This kind of parenting style will restrict the development of children\’s autonomy to a great extent, suppress children\’s self-expression and independence, and leave children with no ideas of their own. 2. Overprotection of their children. Some parents are used to doing everything for their children, such as cooking, washing clothes, tidying up the room, etc. Apart from learning, children do not have the opportunity to do anything else on their own. In the end, the child loses the ability to take care of himself, and even his natural instincts become dull. Children who grow up in this kind of family environment will be very dependent on their parents and have no independent face when encountering any difficulties.The right courage always wants to rely on the help of parents. Even after some children get married and start a family, they still need support from their parents to live a normal life. Nowadays, there are indeed too many parents who have worked hard all their lives to save money for their children to buy houses and cars, and have raised their children to become \”chewing old people\”. I have endless worries in my life, and I have to say that this is a \”human tragedy.\” What are the symptoms of children who lack autonomy? 1. Having no independent opinion and no understanding of one’s own inner desires. He is accustomed to obeying the arrangements of others and always doing what others expect him to do. Specific to study, if there are no requirements from parents and teachers, they will not take the initiative to arrange and plan their studies. For matters that require their own opinions, they will often use escape methods to face them. 2. Although I have many ideas, I give up before I start. Because they don\’t know how to implement their plans, and they don\’t have the courage to face failure. They are afraid that their efforts will not meet the expectations of those around them, so they always struggle to make progress. 3. Have ideas and have the courage to do it, but always give up easily. Things are going well at first, but as long as parents or people around you have different opinions, or you encounter some problems that cannot be solved, you will give up easily and often give up halfway. Their willpower is very weak and their goals are not firm enough. They believe that they are incapable of contending with difficulties or resisting any interference from the outside world. 4. Poor ability to resist temptation and prone to bad behavior. It is easy to be influenced by bad peers, and their behavior is blind and obedient. It is easy to behave in violation of social norms and harm the interests of themselves or others. How to help children improve their autonomy? If you want to improve your children\’s autonomy, the first task is for parents to change their parenting philosophy; reduce excessive protection and control over their children, neither laissez-faire nor domination, and transform behavioral control into rule-based control. Don\’t do everything, let the children do whatever they can. In some Western countries, most children participate in family affairs from an early age and start working part-time to earn money to support themselves when they are teenagers. As adults, they naturally have the ability to survive independently and no longer need help from their parents. German law once stipulated that children aged 6-10 should occasionally help their parents wash dishes, sweep the floor, and buy things; children aged 10-14 should mow the lawn, wash dishes, sweep the floor, and shine shoes for the whole family; 14-16 Children aged 16 to 18 have to clean their homes once a week if their parents work. For children who are unwilling to do housework, parents have the right to appeal to the court to ask the law to urge their children to fulfill the law. American parents advocate that as long as it is conducive to their children\’s ability to make a living, no matter how much hardship they have to endure, it is worth it. In order to cultivate students\’ ability to adapt to society independently, some middle schools even stipulate that students must make a living independently for a week without any money before they are allowed to graduate. The Swiss have a common belief that people who live a parasitic life dependent on their parents for a long time are hopeless and shameful. Japanese parents attach great importance to cultivating their children\’s self-reliance and self-improvement. When the whole family goes on a trip, no matter how young the children are, they must carry a small one on their back without exception.The backpack, they think it is the child\’s own thing and should be carried by himself. Only when parents let their children do things can children learn how to solve problems, acquire the courage to deal with difficulties and setbacks, and the ability to constantly adjust plans. These abilities are honed through constant practice and making mistakes. Don’t let things go and set realistic rules. Autonomy does not mean laissez-faire, but rather making reasonable demands in advance, setting up rules that are consistent with the real world, and then giving children partial autonomy to make their own decisions, and providing necessary guidance during the process of their own processing. For example, your child wants to watch TV, but his homework has not been finished. How should you communicate with your child skillfully? Children have the right to watch TV. Parents do not need to urge their children to do homework, but they must explain the rules in advance: \”Complete your homework carefully is what you must do. Before watching TV, you must consider whether it will affect your study and whether it will affect your study.\” Complete your homework with quality and quantity. You can watch TV, but you cannot not complete your homework because of watching TV. However, it is up to you to decide how to arrange your time.\” Improve children\’s abilities and train children in independent skills. Parents can use role-playing methods to train their children in skills. It should be noted that it is necessary to practice at least 10 or more realistic situations that children may encounter, and from easy to difficult, in order to achieve better results. The following is an example of \”the child is doing homework at home and a classmate asks him to go out to play. How should he refuse?\” Parents can set an example for their children and conduct role-changing drills. First, the parents will play the role of the child, and the child will play the role of the classmate. The following dialogue will be carried out: a: \”You and I go out to play!\” B: \”I am doing homework and can\’t Go out!\” a: \”Are we good friends? If we are good friends, let\’s go out together!\” b: \”Of course we are good friends, so we should respect each other. Please don\’t force me to do things I don\’t want to do!\” a: \” What do you mean? If you don\’t go out to play, I will never call you again!\” b: \”We will always be good friends, but I have more important things to do. Let\’s play together again after I finish my homework! \”Then, the roles are reversed, allowing the children to be themselves and the parents to be their classmates, so that the children can learn to say \”no\”, learn to refuse, and learn to make decisions for themselves during the drill. After the drill, parents also need to guide their children to compare and think, and talk about the difference in feelings between rejection and submission. In this way, children will naturally gain insights. In addition, parents should also encourage their children to practice and use it in daily life so that the habit becomes natural. teaching methods and teach children some practical skills. Parents should teach their children some practical methods and skills so that they can learn to manage themselves. We recommend an \”ABCD classification\”, which divides the things that need to be done every day into 4 categories according to their importance: important and urgent, urgent but not important, important but Not urgent, neither important nor urgent. Let the children mark the order of things according to the above four classifications. Do the first thing every morning until it is completed or meets the requirements, and then start the second and third things. parts,The fourth thing… If you persist every day, you will slowly develop a habit. At the same time, it will also enhance your child\’s sense of control over life and improve their autonomy. To sum up, children\’s lack of autonomy is often due to parents not knowing how to let go and controlling their children too much. How to raise children who can appreciate the sense of responsibility and mission 20G[mp4+mp3] When parents learn to let go and use appropriate methods to cultivate, educate, and lead their children, their children\’s autonomy will be greatly improved. Many times, what children can accomplish by relying on their own abilities is actually far better than we imagined, and will bring us more surprises and satisfaction.