Parents’ love for their children is always full of additional conditions, so we should reflect on it

Recently, Fat Rice, who is growing up day by day, always asks me this question: Mom, what was I like when I was little? So, I started thinking hard and tried to find some interesting stories from my vague memories to tell her. For example, she went out for a walk at night and regarded the moon as her friend. She always felt that wherever she went, the moon would find her over the mountains and ridges and follow her; she called her boots a picket (an item used to take out garbage in the Northeast) and the cave. There were many jokes in Dongshan; for another example, she wiped the floor with her smelly socks all over the house and pointed at the book and read blindly. To be honest, I can’t remember many details about growing up, and I only remembered most of them after watching videos. However, looking at Fat Mi’s expectant eyes, I was still thinking hard, hoping to remember more stories. How to express love between parents and children? Sometimes we talked while walking, and sometimes we talked while lying on the bed. She had long forgotten most of the things, but she listened to them with great interest and was very novel. Every child was once an angel in the sky looking for his mother. I once read in a book that before every child was born, he was a cute little angel in the sky. They lay on the clouds every day looking for their mother. They keep looking and looking until they see a mother they like the most, then they give up everything and fall into her arms. However, God did not allow them to leave so easily. There was a rope tied to the tail of each little angel, and they could not escape easily. As a result, some little angels did not have enough strength and failed, but all the successful angels used all their strength to pull out their tails and endured intense pain to come to the world. Therefore, every newborn child has some bruises on its buttocks. They cry loudly, but are extremely attached to their mother\’s arms. I thought this story was beautiful, so I told it to Fat Mi. Unexpectedly, she liked it very much, and she also made up many stories about little angels in her mind and told them to me. She said: Mom, you know, we little angels are having a great time in heaven. Every day we play games together, sing and dance happily together. In the sky, all we eat are clouds. The clouds are really delicious, cold and sweet. And each cloud has a different taste, which is really delicious! But we still hope to come down and find our mother, because she is the best. She said: Mom, when I was in heaven, I often played with my two little boys, and we would look for Mom seriously. Later, I found you first, so I hurried down to find you. Unexpectedly, the two of them also found the aunt and the second aunt, and came to our house and became my younger brothers. She said: Mom, do you know that in the sky, each of our little angels has his own pet. They follow us every day and are only loyal to their masters. But if we come down to find our mother, there is no way we can bring them down too, so they can only stay in the sky. I was really touched that she liked this story about the little angel, but what was even more touching was the story she told me about this love. They gave it their all, but weAlways Love Conditionally As our children grow older, we can’t seem to remember what they looked like when they were just born. We really want to hug such a small body and kiss such a chubby face again. During the conversation with Pang Mi, I learned that when she was a little angel in heaven, she had friends, pets, and her own preferences and happiness. However, when they find their mother, they have to give up all of this, even enduring the pain of having their tails plucked out, and come to the human world. In the eyes of mothers, it would be better if their children could improve in some aspects. There is still a lot of room for improvement, and there are still many shortcomings and deficiencies! We always say that mothers are great, and their greatness lies in their deepest love for their young children. But in fact, compared to the love of children, our love is always full of additional conditions. How could I like you if you are so naughty? You always don\’t study seriously how can I love you more? If you keep messing around like this, I won\’t want you anymore! Psychologist Carl Rogers once said: Mere love for children is not enough. We must also love unconditionally, we must love them for who they are, not what they do. Wise parents know how to give their children enough trust and encouragement. They are learning to give their children the most sincere love unconditionally just as they love us. We don’t love them just because they are beautiful, and we shouldn’t love them more just because they get good grades. They are our children, and just because of this is enough for us to love them with all our strength throughout our lives. There are no bad children in the world, it’s just that we are not used to seeing the good in them. In fact, when we first become parents, we love our children unconditionally, because at that time, in our eyes, they are cute and helpless little ones. baby. We will always cooperate with the baby\’s schedule and devote a lot of time and energy to them when we are already very tired. Faced with their crying, we can also understand their needs immediately. Even if sometimes they cannot speak, we can still give them the greatest encouragement and trust. In the earliest days of life, we tacitly engage in the most intense wordless dialogue with our babies. We will always find that there is a special connection between ourselves and the baby. Even if the baby can\’t speak yet, we can already understand each other\’s meaning very well. We are having the most loving relationship in the world every day. dialogue. The baby asked: Are you there? My dear mother. Mom replied: I am. The baby asked: Am I still the most important person in your life? Mom replied: Yes. Baby asked: I just want to confirm. Mom replied: I understand, no problem~ But I don’t know when our child started to grow up, and our love for him began to have a lot of added value. We are happy when they get 100 points in the exam, when they win prizes, when they are praised by teachers at school, or when they eat well and brush their teeth carefully. But rarely are we happy and proud just because they are our children. We have gradually forgotten the joy they brought to the family in the early days of their lives. All we see now is the poor parent-child relationship, disobedient children, and complicated study tasks. But educators say: In this worldThere are no bad children in school, only parents who don\’t know how to educate them. All problems that occur in children are caused by family education and long-term growth environment. The \”Three Character Classic\” written more than 700 years ago also tells us: In the beginning, human beings are inherently good in nature, similar in nature, and far apart in habits. Written at the end, please be the parent who trusts your children the most. Many times, we say to our children: Don’t be afraid, just try your best to move forward. Your parents will always be behind you to protect you and help you. No matter what difficulties you encounter, as long as You turn around and we are here to support you. In fact, when problems really arise, there are very few parents who can unconditionally trust their children. We are loving parents when things are not going wrong, but when there is a problem we immediately turn around and question our children. Children who have been suppressed by their parents for a long time often have low self-confidence and even low self-esteem. When they encounter problems, the first person they believe in is not themselves. They habitually activate another way of survival, which is to feel their own powerlessness in the face of difficulties, and even a state of self-destruction. This behavior is called \”learned helplessness\” in child psychology. It is the most direct way of escaping from difficulties that children gradually form in the process of continuous experience of failure and distrust, which ultimately leads to denial and denial of themselves. Don\’t cherish it. As parents, we may not be able to change all our thoughts and behaviors at once, but at least we must try to learn from our children.