What are the sources of parental anxiety?

Behind parents\’ anxiety is actually \”love\” and \”worry\” that have nowhere to place. However, in many families, due to parents\’ \”anxiety\”, conflicts between parents and children have intensified, children are separated, and parents are sad. This article is for anxious parents. Ever since I was a child, I have been reading books and watching movies, and I have discovered that the bad boys in the author\’s writings always walk with their hands in their pockets, and some even put them in the back pockets of their pants. It is said that writers are those who observe life most carefully and have the sharpest vision. Their common description of hands in pockets aroused my great curiosity. I even did an experiment where I deliberately put my hands in my pockets while walking, only to find that it was very awkward and I had to take them out after a while. Later I saw a sentence: \”They are just greedy for the little warmth in their pockets.\” I felt something in my heart. The best way to get rid of anxiety attacks? Chen Mo’s 40 lessons on how to be a non-anxious parent. Because I am a teacher, I have come into contact with many problem students. I observed carefully, pondered slowly, and finally discovered something. Yu Hua once said: \”The best time to determine destiny is childhood.\” Freud also said that all shadows come from childhood injuries. Although I do not completely agree (after all, people still have a lot of room for external and self-shaping) ability), but it does serve as a big warning to me on how to be a mother. Every woman is a mother for the first time (except for the second child), and no one has any experience. Apart from learning from their predecessors or communicating with peers, it seems that they can only follow the book. My approach is: I don\’t know what is best, but I can observe what is bad. For example, he often yells loudly, repeats his words again and again, dotes without principles, pays little attention to other things except his grades, screams when something happens, he is doing nothing but not seeking to make progress, but he is extremely harsh on his children… no matter how much he does, Tired, don’t pass on negative energy to your children. Although I am a Chinese teacher, I am not my son’s teacher. Growing up, I rarely gave guidance on my son\’s compositions, because pointing fingers would make him confused. I just silently typed his relatively good compositions into electronic manuscripts and put them on my blog, so that he would be very proud. , and I can slowly figure out what kind of articles are good articles that I appreciate. When he was in high school, it was already past ten o\’clock when he came home after studying in the evening. I naturally knew how tired he was. In addition to giving him a big hug when he came in and saying \”Thank you for your hard work\”, I changed my tricks every day. Prepare one or two of his favorite late-night snacks for him. When he puts on his shoes and sits down, he can drink hot soup and eat delicacies made by his mother. I will accompany him silently. If a child comes home after a tiring day, what he sees is the boring face of his parents, and what he hears is nagging, resentful complaints and blame, as well as the imperative \”Eat quickly, eat right away.\” Go do your homework. My grades are so bad, I don’t know how to take it seriously! When will you let me worry less! I work so hard and am so exhausted from work, and it’s not because of you! And you, you are still giving me trouble! Someone’s grades are so and so How wonderful…\” If it were you, would this home be a place you wanted to go back to immediately after school every day? This home is where you are sad, aggrieved and helplessA harbor that you want to rely on when you are helpless? Is it worth jumping into the arms of such a parent without thinking? Of course I know how tiring parents are after a day\’s work. I myself am often too tired to say anything after a day\’s work. In addition to making a living for ourselves, we also want to create better living conditions for our children. But if our fatigue becomes the sword we use to pierce our children, we will no longer be our children\’s relatives, but our children\’s enemies. When you nag about your hard work like Mrs. Xianglin, what the child is thinking is: I don’t want you to work so hard, I’m not your trash can, and I don’t want a parent like you. In addition to nagging, please find other ways to communicate. How do you feel when someone nags you in your ears with a sharp and mean voice every day? He must be going crazy. Then what? No matter how reasonable she is, you can\’t listen to her, right? This is especially true for children. When he finds that you are always nagging, he doesn’t need to listen to what you say for the first and second time. He knows that you will say it for the third and fourth time as time goes by. This creates a vicious cycle. In fact, just say each sentence once. If the child does not listen and suffers a loss, then he will have a better memory and will listen to you carefully next time. Parents should not speak too fast, speak clearly and at a normal speed, and express what they want to say clearly. If it\’s something really important and you\’re not worried about it, just write it down on a note. When my son was growing up, I wrote many letters to him even though we lived under the same roof. They were all handwritten on beautiful stationery and placed on his desk after writing. I never asked him if he had read it carefully. Ever since my son was young, whenever we had free time, we would go into nature on weekends and ask him to be the photographer, and I would be the one to choose the scene. Fields, crops, ancient towns, flowers, grass, rivers… I gained knowledge, broadened my horizons, and became grounded. If people live in a reinforced concrete forest for a long time, their minds will be narrow-minded and their tolerance will be limited. Climbing mountains and wading in rivers, climbing high and looking into the distance, blue sky and white clouds, nature is a good teacher. This kind of walking into nature must start from a child\’s early age. Otherwise, by the time he is addicted to mobile phones, computers, and television, he will no longer be able to call himself a \”homebody.\” Apart from furniture and desk lamps, my son\’s room does not have a TV or computer. Reduce radiation and sleep better. I only throw one or two extracurricular reading materials on his bedside, and he will read them for a while before going to bed. After a certain period, I will change one or two more books. I have never ordered my son to read extracurricular books. But the books he read must have been read by me myself, and I would recommend them to him quietly. I bought a mobile phone after my son went to college. Before that, he didn\’t have a mobile phone. I remember he once asked me: \”Other students have mobile phones, will I be out of touch with the times? When they talk about games, I can\’t even get in the middle of the conversation.\” But he soon stopped being anxious. In the third year of high school, I still ensured that he had two hours of computer time every Saturday and Sunday, browsing the Internet for news, and one of my good friends, a master of military chess, accompanied him to fight online, which was very enjoyable. Or when I was playing 160 points online, I asked him to coach me. I became addicted to coaching, saying that I was stupid, scolding me for being stupid, and asking him to squeeze my shoulders and neck, and completing the parent-child relationship while laughing and joking.Pass. Even in his senior year of high school, he was still able to play football for a while with the teachers at his school. On the first day of college, he formed a football club and became the captain and referee. In my communication with my son, he clearly saw my bottom line: I don’t seek to become a talent, but only seek to become an adult. Physical and mental health comes first, and it is important to protect your eyesight; do your best in studies and learn what you can learn well; you must share household chores and be polite. My son\’s father and I are both myopic. When we go out, we often say to him: \”It\’s so enviable to have a pair of good eyes. You can see so clearly from such a distance.\” \”I don\’t wear glasses when I go out. With you, These are a pair of good eyes.\” Such a positive hint made him feel how proud he is to have a pair of good eyes. In addition, he was not allowed to bend over and had no mobile phones before going to college, so he really did not become myopic. Eye. In his college graduation photo, among a group of boys, he was the only one not wearing glasses. Because I raised him myself since he was a child, I know his IQ, EQ, and ability level very well. I am not demanding in my studies and learn what I can learn well. Although I am a teacher, I have no vanity, I do not insist on my children taking first or second place, and I am not extremely anxious because my children’s grades are average. After teaching for so many years, I know better than anyone else that when a child grows up, inherited things cannot be changed, and things that can be changed the day after tomorrow cannot be changed in a hurry. Life must be the first priority. Whenever my son\’s test scores are not satisfactory, I always say to him: \”I believe you, you are a late bloomer. Your grades in elementary school are average, junior high school is a little better, high school is a little better, and you will be better in the future.\” Promising people. God will be kind to kind people.\” I also told my son\’s high school teacher: \”Don\’t put any pressure. Since your child has gone to high school, he can always be admitted to a university. The difference is just a famous brand or not. Adults The most important thing is that he still has a long life ahead.\” Please believe in the good intentions of the school and teachers. I remember when my son was in high school, he was caught by the teacher talking nonsense in evening self-study. His class teacher immediately took action according to the school regulations. The punishment was to suspend self-study at night for three days, and required a letter of apology to be written and signed by the parents. I signed my son\’s letter of apology. To his surprise, I also gave him the letter of apology I wrote. I sincerely apologized to the school and teachers because my son had caused trouble to everyone. My son was very surprised. I told him: \”Everyone must abide by the rules and cannot do things that harm others and do not benefit oneself. Not causing trouble to others is an important rule of life.\” After that, he never violated the rules during late self-study. I am a teacher, and I clearly understand the good intentions of every teacher. The progress and regression of students affects the mood of us teachers every day. When facing students, although we know that they are not our own children, we get along with them every day, and we can\’t help but become deeply involved in the drama and become their children\’s parents. When we see students making progress, we smile with joy; when we see students not wanting to make progress, we hate the fact that iron cannot become steel. If you were an invisible person and stood next to the teachers, you would see how stupid the teachers are: they care about the happiness, anger, sorrow and joy of a group of other people\’s children. Please understand our good intentions: in education, we must be strict and compassionate, reward and punishPunishment is indispensable. Children raised in this way are resilient people. If you only praise, you will be vulnerable if you encounter a little setback; if you only punish, children will have no self-confidence and will easily give up on themselves. Please believe that teachers are always looking for the best time to praise and criticize. This is the professionalism of a teacher. \”Teacher, our child is the worst at Chinese in elementary school. Now he is in junior high school. Can you give him extra lessons?\” \”Teacher, my child doesn\’t study seriously and doesn\’t listen to what we say. What should I do?\” \”Teacher, you are the first Do you want to work for a year? Do you HOLD students?\” \”Teacher, you criticized my child, right? He came back crying and refused to eat!\” \”Teacher, the child\’s vision has improved, you can let him sit in the front \”?\”… Parents\’ anxiety may very well have kidnapped schools and teachers. In this way, schools and teachers will become less and less confident. Just like when a child is doing homework and his parents are gesticulating and scolding him, the child becomes at a loss and becomes less and less confident. The same principle applies. Dear parents, please believe that schools and teachers have good intentions and are sincere to each other, which is the best help for their children. Never make ill-intentioned assumptions about schools and teachers. There may be rat droppings in any profession, but don’t generalize because of this. I believe that teachers love your children as much as you do, or even care more about them than you do. …………For more than 20 years, I have studied the education of students from the growth of my son; I have studied the education of my son from the growth of students. It is a blessing for a child to have calm parents in a family. Dear parent, when you are anxious, look up at the sun and moon. Between heaven and earth, there are trees, flowers and grass, some are gorgeous and some are plain, some are in full bloom and some are in bud. The love of the sun and the moon, accompany you silently, and wait quietly. Because of this, the heart of an inch of grass also reports three rays of spring.