You can design the education process, but you cannot design your child’s life

The greatest charm of life lies in its infinite possibilities. As parents, we must not limit the possibilities of our children with our own hobbies, our own ideas, or even in the name of so-called love, let alone design their own lives on behalf of our children. What is the child thinking? Due to my professional relationship, many friends hope that I can provide some valuable professional advice on their children\’s education. The question is simply which school is best to attend? Is it better to study abroad or at home? If I want to go abroad, when is the best time to go abroad? etc. It can be seen that every parent tries their best to design the best educational route for their children. The implicit logic is that better education represents greater achievement or a better life in the future. But the first question I ask is often difficult for them to answer: \”What are the children thinking?\” Chinese parents often don\’t know what their children are thinking, and the older the children are, the less they know. There are many reasons for this situation: On the one hand, fathers are usually too busy and have neither time nor the ability to communicate equally and honestly with their children. Although mothers stay with their children for a relatively long time, they are often limited to taking care of daily life and lack ideological and emotional communication, or they end up chatting too much, giving too much advice and teaching but little listening and sharing. Ultra-clear 3.6g Luo Xiaohei Zhanji Movie 2019 + Luo Xiaohei Zhanji cartoon full 28 episodes 1080P. On the other hand, Chinese parents always believe that children know nothing as long as they follow the road map designed by adults. If you work hard, you will definitely get a bright future and a beautiful life. The child\’s task is to put in all his efforts, and the parent\’s task is to do everything possible to create the best conditions for it. Internal and external factors are perfectly combined. Is there any reason why we can\’t succeed? Even for children who are educated according to the most perfect route, when they enter the workforce, get married and have children, more and more people seem to be unsuccessful and unsatisfactory. She received a doctorate from a top university in the United States but could not find a satisfactory job; she worked hard for more than ten years in a state agency but could not even get a deputy position; a highly educated girl who was good at singing, dancing, playing music, chess, calligraphy and painting was determined to Marrying a classmate who only has a high school education; people who are doing well in their careers never expected to make noises about getting divorced every day… Many people are exhausted and ask me, does the design that I put so much effort into for my children make sense? The education process of life that cannot be designed can be designed, but life cannot. Educational roadmaps can be drawn up to perfection, but life often does not play out according to the pre-written script. Milan Kundera said: \”When humans think, God laughs.\” That\’s right, life seems to like to make some moderate or even cruel jokes with people. The more you want to pursue something, the less likely it is that you will get it. What you desperately want to avoid often comes to you unexpectedly. Sometimes there will be a situation where you put in 100% of your efforts, but often you don’t get even 1% of the gain. How many people are aggrieved and full of complaints about this, always feeling that God is unfair and society is unequal, but rarely can they calm down and think about it, was my design and pursuit right at the beginning? No one will noticeYou must have the wrong initial goal, otherwise you won’t pursue it. But the crux of the problem is that when we start designing a roadmap, we unconsciously regard the results we pursue as the goal and all of life. Results are of course what we pursue, but if we pursue them just for the results, we may go astray in life. Any outcome, good or bad, is certain. However, life is full of uncertainties. In fact, this is exactly the core issue studied by economics in the past two decades: revealing the uncertainties in life and seeking solutions. It is precisely because of uncertainty that there are rational expectations; it is precisely because uncertainty brings risks that there are a series of institutional arrangements such as insurance and trusts. Therefore, there is a profound contradiction between taking a certain result (and often wishfully thinking that it is a good result) as the goal of pursuit, and the inherent uncertainty of life itself. Once the two encounter, it will give the pursuer It\’s a pretty heavy psychological blow. The process is more important than the result. A person\’s life is long, but there are often only a few results, especially the most critical result. In other words, most of life is spent waiting for results. If results are regarded as the whole meaning of life, then this person\’s life must be very anxious, tense and boring. Honest farmers rarely complain. They sow seeds in the spring, cultivate the fields in the summer, and wait with full hope for a good harvest in the fall. But when autumn came, a sudden hailstorm destroyed all the crops. What can farmers do? They always do what they should do quietly and continue to sow the seeds of hope next spring. From the perspective of farmers, the weather is not something they can control. Therefore, it is important to do the things you can control every day, such as deep plowing, watering, pest control, etc. As for the results, God will decide. The reason why the process is important is that you can enjoy it. In the process, you will have thoughts, experiences, insights, gains and progress. These are fun in their own right. The reason why the result is less important than the process is that it is only the result at one point in time. You can\’t be at that point forever. Just like climbing a mountain, the results at the top are spectacular, but you have to come down eventually. The different scenery you enjoy while climbing and the sweat you shed will make you feel the fun and comfort from the inside out. However, our students now pay less and less attention to the process and go straight to the results. Schooling only requires employment, and work only requires position and salary. As for the reading itself, the thinking process, and the accumulation of experience, they are all discarded without mercy. On the surface, it seems to be society\’s eagerness for quick success, but in fact it is rooted in the perfect education roadmap designed by parents. Because in such a road map, children do not have any active participation, they just passively follow the parents\’ arrangements and get a pre-determined result. They have lost the instinct to think and judge. In many cases, things tend to develop contrary to the original design intention. When I was young, my family was poor, and my parents beat and scolded me so that I could study hard.From now on, I can sit in the office and work all day long without having to work as hard as them. But now my parents see that I am really sitting in the office and working, but I am more tired than they were back then. They often regret that I should not have let me read so many books. My friend used to tell my daughter to study hard and not fall in love. But when my daughter graduated from graduate school and didn’t have a boyfriend, she was urged all day long to fall in love and get married. Some friends saw that people around them were sending their children to study abroad, and they joined the ranks not to be outdone. Waiting for their children to be real When I left, I realized how painful it was to live without my children. Today, while people criticize China\’s utilitarian education, they continue to set goals after goals for their children. Utilization is an important feature of Chinese education. However, we often ignore the other side of traditional Chinese education, which is the importance of reading on people\’s moral cultivation. This makes us lose the foundation of education and life. Life is a journey. The quality of life lies in people\’s inner feelings. In this sense, no matter how perfect an educational roadmap we design for our children, we must listen to their inner voices. If we realize that life cannot be designed, let our children do what they really like (unless it is obviously wrong), and take responsibility for their own decisions and actions, then their lives will definitely be happier and happier. and enrichment. At least one day in the future, they will not say with regret that this is not what I really want to do, but it was arranged and designed for me by my parents.