Li Meijin: When educating children, emotions must come first and restraint come last!

When we discuss a child\’s behavior, we often trace it back to the child\’s family of origin. In the end, we find that no matter whether the child\’s behavior is good or bad, it is inseparable from the influence of parents\’ education. Children\’s problems are all parents\’ problems, and children\’s excellence is all the fault of parents. Education begins from the moment a child is born. It is not only when children are taught serious lessons, it is considered education. Every moment in life is a detail of education. Therefore, no matter what a child looks like, it is not born, but the result of parents’ education. Good family traditions and good family training stories create good children. A 100-day plan for parent-child interaction pdf. When it comes to educating children, parents only have one chance. What kind of education you give your children will give you what kind of results they will give you. There are almost no exceptions. . The company of parents, like food, has an \”expiration date\”. It is the beginning of education. No matter how rich the material is, it cannot compare with the company of parents. Among the rebellious urban children in \”Metamorphosis\”, which one is not influenced by their parents in life? Raised in wealth, but extremely spiritually deficient. Because when these children need high-quality companionship from their parents, their parents will only spend money to send their children away. For example, the protagonist of one issue, Li Jinjian, whose parents were busy with work, kept their children in their hometown. Their absence for 11 years caused Li Jinjian\’s parents to miss the best time to shape their children\’s personalities. They don\’t know how to communicate with their children, let alone their inner thoughts. Once there are difficulties in the parent-child relationship, they will only use money to solve the problem. Obviously, this kind of education method of parents will only make the parent-child relationship worse and worse. A child\’s growth is inseparable from the company of his parents, especially at the age of 0 to 12 years. At this stage, parents are the most important, trustworthy and dependent people in the child\’s mind. Therefore, during this period, the education that parents give their children, the habits they cultivate, and the values ​​they pass on to their children have the most direct and profound impact on them. After the age of 12, the child\’s personality, habits, and cognition are basically formed. If the parents don\’t care before the age of 12, and if they want to take care of the child after the age of 12, the child will no longer obey the control. Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: \”In infants and young children, love and companionship are more important than education. A healthy, harmonious and intimate relationship is the cornerstone of a child\’s personality and the content of his personality.\” Making money to support the family is important, but the child\’s Physical and mental health is more important. The key years for children are in those years. If parents miss it, they can never make up for it. Parents who avoid their own educational responsibilities and refuse to spend time with their children will ultimately suffer the consequences of educational failure. Discipline without warmth will only make you the enemy of your child. Also in \”Metamorphosis\”, the protagonist Zhang Shengjun\’s parents in another issue, their educational principle is \”filial sons emerge from under the stick.\” The child is disobedient and wants to be replaced. Zhang Shengjun\’s mother even bluntly said that she would rather feed the cat than take care of the child. They urgently need an obedient child. If the child is disobedient, they never think of listening to the child\’s ideas. Instead, they think of forcing the child to submit by beating and scolding. But often, as the child grows older, such beatings and scoldings will be more violently resisted by the child. Even relatively speaking, children understandResistance is already a better situation. When the child gives up resistance, the tragedy begins. Parents thought they finally won and their children finally obeyed, but in fact the children gave up, gave up resistance, and gave up their own future. Teacher Yin Jianli said: \”The so-called \’severe education\’ refers to a behavior that uses beating, punishment and humiliation as the main means to forcefully reform minors. Although the goal is good, we hope that the children will do better. But because it does not respect children, is not considerate of children\’s physical and mental development characteristics, and is not in line with human nature, it actually has no educational elements and is just a destructive force.\” We always say that there is no place without rules. If you want your children to be successful, parents must discipline them well. child. Indeed, many times, a parent must become a commander and punisher to help children establish boundaries. But don’t forget that punishment is the outer core and care is the inner cause. Discipline without warmth will only push children to the opposite side. Loving children and setting rules are never antagonistic. Only when you discipline your children on the premise of love and let your children know that they are loved can this kind of discipline be positive and most effective for your children. The reason is simple. Everyone is more willing to listen to the advice of his companions than to listen to the words of his enemies. When children have problems, the most important thing parents should do is to love them. Professor Li Meijin told an example where a father asked her for help, saying that he had no time to take care of his children due to work reasons. Now that the child is 16 years old, he has started going to Internet cafes and not going home at night. After his wife told him, he went home and beat the child. After the beating, the child refused to obey, and then he beat him again. Then one day, the father looked through the photo album at home and found that there were very few photos of the family in the album. Only then did he realize that he really had very little time to spend with his family. He also discovered that in the few group photos, his face had been slashed with a knife, and it was his son who did it. Obviously, there have been big problems in their father-son relationship. Professor Li Meijin gave him an idea, asking him to spend more time playing with his children. After playing and getting closer to the children, he could then talk to the children calmly. At this time, the children would not be resistant and would Will truly accept criticism. \”The process of education is about emotion first and restraint second. When children have problems, what parents should do is to make up for the emotional relationship.\” The most taboo thing in educating children is to ignore them when they should be in charge. When the children have problems, they will Use tough methods to discipline children, and by this time the children are often disobedient. For children, whoever brought them up is qualified to discipline them. You and your children have no emotional foundation at all, and you beat and scold your children as soon as they come up. Who are you? You think you are doing your best for your child, and you know that you love your child, but the child does not know that. The child cannot feel love, but can only feel hatred, and he can only live in despair. Many times, children\’s mistakes are actually their parents\’ mistakes. Children\’s rebellion is actually caused by their parents\’ lack of companionship and emotion. At this time, what parents have to do is not to correct the child\’s behavior, but to make up for the child\’s emotional lack, to show weakness to the child, and to tell the child that you love him. When it comes to giving love,Never be stingy, give your children as much love as they need generously. Children need spiritual satisfaction more than material comfort. A good education is not the kind of education parents want to give their children, but the kind of education their children need. Don\’t be self-righteous in educating and loving your children. Parents should also learn to love their children in the way they like. There is a saying in \”Floating Life\”: The so-called sense of security is nothing more than having a place you always want to go back to, and you can go back. I think such a place is particularly important in family education.