Why didn’t the child accept your advice?

I have always had the feeling that every time I give advice to my children, no matter how cautious I am, the children are not willing to accept it. I used to think that children have too strong a sense of autonomy and like to be independent. This is part of his personality. Later, the child told me: \”Mom, please don\’t rush your child, because if you do, the child\’s sense of accomplishment will be gone.\” I realized that the parents may have violated the child\’s boundaries and made the child lose his autonomy. Listening to Nan Nan\’s sharing in the live broadcast room today, I realized that our guidance and suggestions to others will give them a feeling of \”I can do it, but you can\’t!\” and make them feel very depressed. After the child took control of his mobile phone for a few days, he spent a little too much time using the mobile phone today. I couldn\’t help but talk to the child about the importance of self-discipline, and then suggested to the child: If you want to control yourself watching the mobile phone, you can put the mobile phone where it is not good. Get the place. Normally I might feel like I\’m doing a good job because I\’m calm when communicating with my children, I\’m patient enough with them, and I\’m able to accept what my children can\’t do for the time being. After listening to Nannan’s live broadcast, I immediately felt that I didn’t trust my children enough. Could it be that a 14-year-old child wants to control himself but doesn’t know how to do this? Download the mp3 version of the most comprehensive reading of the disciples\’ rules for children. I remember last year when we were hiking up the mountain, there was a sausage seller halfway up the mountain. But after asking about the price, the child decided to climb up quickly and leave that place. He said the price was more expensive than the one at the bottom of the mountain. More than twice as much. In order to control himself, he will choose to stay away from temptation, and he doesn\’t need my advice. I remember one time I came home from get off work and complained to my husband about some things at work. I just wanted to talk about it, but my husband said a lot of things wrong with me. I was about to explode and vowed never to talk to him about work again. . Just two years ago, my mother often told me: I should be careful and conscientious when working, and don\’t make mistakes while busy. My mother obviously cares about me, but she gives me the feeling of distrust. I told my mother how I felt, and she said, \”It\’s not that I don\’t trust you, I just want you to be well.\” What a pity for the parents in the world! Putting it in the shoes of a child, facing the authority of his parents, he obviously feels uncomfortable, but he doesn’t know how to express his feelings, so he can only acquiesce, but he cannot accept it in his heart, because it will make him feel incompetent. . In the face of my suggestions, what my children often say to me is: Mom, don’t you trust me? At that time, I even “quibbled”: Mom trusts you very much! Now that I think about it, it is really duplicitous. It is clearly showing distrust, but it still says trust. When I received many consultations from mothers, when I mentioned that we need to understand, trust and accept our children, the mothers all said: \”I already believe him, but he didn\’t do what he said. What should I do?\” To trust?\” This reminds me of what the teacher said in the counselor course: \”Do you believe because you see it, or do you see it because you believe it?\” If we only pay attention to the child\’s superficial behavior and do not pay attention to the child\’s heart, we will not be able to Of course, there is no trust in actually seeing the child. If we want our children to grow up to be better, then let them feel that they are OK. Only children feel that they areOnly when you are OK will you have confidence. If we always advise our children to do this or that when we are getting along with them, it may make them feel that they are not good or wrong again and again, and then the children will become more and more inferior, which is why they are unwilling to accept suggestions. reason. In fact, it doesn’t mean that we can’t give suggestions to our children, it’s just that we should also pay attention to the methods and methods when giving suggestions. When we feel that a child is not doing well enough, first of all, we should not deny the child, but allow the child to take some wrong paths and make some mistakes, because he will grow well through making mistakes. Secondly, try to provide some guidance and give the results to the children, so that the children feel that they are OK. Finally, celebrate when your child achieves something.