How to improve children’s IQ and EQ

It’s heartbreaking to see a trending article about a boy who is sick. Starting a year ago, the boy often made some unconscious movements, such as blinking, clearing his throat, shrugging, etc. At first, the parents paid little attention to these small movements. It was not until recently that they took their children to see a doctor and they were diagnosed with \”tics\”. Tics is a neurodevelopmental disorder that causes involuntary muscle twitching and, in severe cases, involuntary curses. The cause of the boy\’s illness is also surprising. Download the full episodes of Butcher Park [Full 60 episodes of high-definition video for 1-6 years old, 16G] Doctors analyzed that children\’s illness is caused by parents\’ frequent reprimands and excessive expectations for their children, which leads to excessive pressure. It turns out that our children have already been under such great pressure silently when we didn’t understand it. These unexpressed pressures and emotions accumulate in their hearts, causing them to unconsciously express them with their bodies. This phenomenon is also called somatization. In fact, somatization is very common among adolescent children. For example, children may feel dizzy and have a fever as soon as they go to school; when scolded, they may vomit, have diarrhea, or tremble unconsciously… The children\’s physical pain is actually a reminder to their parents that they are being tortured in their hearts at this moment, and they need more care from their parents. Care and attention. Family therapist Satya said: \”A child with a problem can probably find the answer from his or her family of origin.\” We can try to think back to whether we have had very high expectations for our children, and there was nothing we could do about it. When we reach this point, we will use inappropriate methods such as scolding and yelling to supervise our children. As everyone knows, verbal harm is sometimes more serious than physical harm. Invisible \”violence\” pushes children further and further away. There is such a story in the Taiwanese drama \”Your Child is Not Your Child\”. The mother often gets mad at the boy with glasses, and will accuse him when he gets a question wrong: \”Why did you get six questions wrong in math? Did you really work hard? Why are you so stupid!\” When faced with the child\’s poor report card, she will also scold her: \”Why did you do it wrong?\” If you are so untalented, your father\’s colleagues are asking you how you are preparing for the exam. How dare I say that my son may not be able to find a good school to study in.\” Among the scoldings from his mother, the glasses boy may have even thought of one of them. No habit of noticing. When being scolded, he would unconsciously hunch over and just stare at the ground. The tutor just pointed out a very small flaw for him, and he would react violently, arching his shoulders and arching his back, all in one movement. The boy with glasses\’ fear of his mother\’s words has even turned into a conditioned reflex action, and the pain in his heart is probably even worse. Parents love their children, but they often unconsciously use words to beat their children\’s hearts over and over again, causing the children to be tortured without even realizing it. There is a question on Zhihu: \”If your parents often ridicule, criticize, and ridicule you, will it cause your children to be less confident?\” The answers to this question are all heartwarming. \”Why do you keep belittling me again and again? Now I even feel that my home is a scary place.\” \”I am also like this. I always look forward to the approval of others. If things are not done well, I will not be able to get out for a long time. I feel really It\’s very difficult and verytired. \”Children should move forward with the love of their parents, but these invisible \”violences\” make the children\’s hearts extremely fragile and riddled with holes. Such invisible \”violence\” puts the parent-child relationship in jeopardy, forming a vicious circle. Children They cannot feel the love of their parents, and they cannot feel that they are valued, thus self-denial and self-doubt. In the long run, the relationship between parents and children will only wear away little by little. Not only do children fail to develop as their parents expect, It may even go the opposite direction of expectations. Only through warm communication can you enter the child\’s heart. There is a law of south wind in psychology, which tells us that warmth is better than severe cold. The same applies to the parent-child relationship. Only warm words can blow into the child\’s heart. In my heart, I want my children to feel respect, understanding, tolerance and love. This is the case with Chen Meiling, a doctor of education who sent her three children to Stanford University. She will always patiently answer every question of her children and pay careful attention to every need of her children. Once, she was walking home with her two sons. The eldest son kept clamoring for his mother to hold him. But at that time, she was still holding her second son, who was tired from playing, and there was really no way to hold them both. It was almost dinner time. When the time came, her son kept pestering her and kept hugging her. Maybe some parents would scold their children: \”You are the elder brother, go ahead by yourself.\” Or: \”Mom is holding my brother. Why are you so ignorant?\” But Chen Meiling did not reprimand the child. Instead, she said to him: \”The baby is tired, and so is the mother.\” what should I do? Shall we take a short break here? \”She took the child to rest on the bench for a while, and finally walked home with the child. She said that instead of scolding the child, letting the child sob on the roadside, or letting him lose his temper and run around, dangerously rushing out of the road . It’s better to understand his feelings, take a break, and let him know that mom understands me. Psychologist Haim Ginot said: “When children feel understood, their loneliness and pain will be reduced. When children are understood, their love for their parents deepens. \”Warm understanding and tolerance allow children to feel that their emotions are accepted and that they are respected and loved. Warm communication also helps parents understand their children\’s needs and feelings. Let parents go Enter the hearts of children. The way parents communicate with their children will also set a good example for them to get along with others, so that children can learn to empathize with themselves and others. In this way, it will be easier for parents to ignite Children\’s motivation, discover their energy, and make them rich, powerful, confident and strong. In this way, children who grow up in love will have overflowing energy in their hearts, learn to love themselves and love others. Speak well, Memorize 8 words I heard a sentence: \”Many parents spend their entire lives wandering outside the door of their children\’s hearts. They don\’t find the key, but they blame their children for difficulty in communicating. \”Everything requires skills, and the same goes for talking well with children. Parents can remember the 8 keywords of \”Nonviolent Communication\”. 1. Observation: (Observing Without Evaluating) When communicating with children, observe carefully and describe what we see with our eyes. arrived, heard by ears, bodyFacts that come into contact with the body. Make things concrete without judgment or speculation. You can refer to the 5W (who\\where?\\when?\\what is?\\why why?) direction to think about the description. For example, if a mother sees her son breaking a cup, she can say, \”I saw you drop the cup and it broke.\” Only by using observational language to describe the true situation she saw to her child will she be able to Prevent children from having negative emotions that may lead to conflicts and allow communication to proceed smoothly. 2. Feelings: (Identifying and Expressing Feelings) Allow yourself and your children to express feelings. For example, take the child breaking the cup mentioned earlier. What is the correct approach? First, show concern and stay safe. You can ask your child: \”You didn\’t row your hands, are you okay?\” Next, comfort your child\’s emotions and express your child\’s feelings. \”The cup suddenly broke. You must have been shocked.\” Tell the child how he felt. At the same time, you can also express your feelings, \”Mom was also shocked.\” Finally, when the child\’s mood is stable, educate the child. In communication, practice expressing feelings. When we express our understanding of ourselves and our children\’s feelings, we can also help children learn to understand their own emotions, thereby forming a positive and positive system for handling emotions, which will benefit them throughout their lives. 3. Needs: (Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings) Understand the needs of yourself and your children, and clearly express each other’s “what do you want?” and “what do you don’t want?”. In \”Nonviolent Parent-Child Communication\”, there is such a story. Lele spent more than 1,000 yuan of pocket money in a month. Her mother was very angry, but she still chose to communicate with Lele gently. Mom asked Lele if she would like to talk to herself about why she spent so much pocket money this month. Lele told her mother what she thought. She felt that whatever her sister wanted, she got it. Her mother also spent a lot of money to accompany her sister to early education classes, but she had no share in all this. She believes that her mother is willing to spend money on her to make her feel that she is cared for. She hopes her mother can care about her as much as she cares about her sister. Only then did her mother truly understand that what Lele longed for was that she could treat her and her sister equally, and what she needed was her care and companionship. Mom hugged Lele tightly and expressed her understanding of her needs. Adler\’s behavioral teleology believes that there are certain purposes and needs behind behaviors. The same is true when it comes to children\’s bad behavior. Only by understanding the needs behind the child\’s behavior can we find a way to effectively guide the child to solve the problem. 4. Requesting: (Requesting That Which Would Enrich Life) Understand the child\’s feelings and needs, and finally state your request. What do you want the child to do? For example, \”The cup broke. You and your mother should clean it up with a broom.\” \”I don\’t like it when I see graffiti on the wall because my mother likes home.\”The place is clean and tidy. You can draw it on paper. \”Don\’t just tell your child what not to do, but clearly tell him what to do? It\’s best to make a specific, actionable request. The clearer you make the desired response, the more likely you are to get a more ideal response from your child. Child psychologist Adele Farber says: “Never underestimate the power of your words over a child’s life. \”Maybe parents have a lot of anxieties in life and have various expectations for their children. Sometimes, they can\’t help but be a little anxious. But what we need to remember is that a large part of our love for our children needs to be expressed in words. Only by talking well can it be easier to get into the child\’s heart and establish a good parent-child relationship. Psychology professor He Lingfeng said: \”The first priority of parents is to maintain a good parent-child relationship, so that your influence on him is there. If the parent-child relationship Break, then you no longer have influence over him. \”The respect and sense of security that children gain from their parents\’ words will also give them the ability to get along with other people and better face the storms in the future. Give it a \”like\” and hope that every child can learn in the language of love. Grow up in the middle, move forward in the encouragement, and have a happier life in the warm and firm guidance. Let’s encourage each other.