What does life need a sense of ritual mean?

Recently, I saw a video like this: Dad is about to celebrate his birthday, and his mother and daughter happily prepared a series of surprises for him: Since dad doesn’t like cakes, mother and daughter first piled a “fruit cake” with various fruits. ; Later, the mother wrote \”Happy Birthday, Mr. Su\” on the Coke and beer in the refrigerator, and the daughter carefully drew a small heart on the bottom of one of the bottles; not only that, with the help of her daughter, the mother also A table of meals was carefully prepared. I thought my father would be very happy to see this. What is emotional intelligence? How to improve your emotional intelligence? Cai Kangyong\’s 201 emotional intelligence lessons will make you realize your wish. Unexpectedly, after his father came home, he kept a straight face and said very coldly that he hated the sense of ritual the most. Even because of anger, he didn\’t even eat in the end. There was no other way, so the mother could only take her daughter to finish the meal that the two of them had carefully prepared for the whole day. She said with disappointment: \”My heart suddenly went cold, just like a fire was extinguished in an instant.\” Through the screen, I can feel my mother I am full of sadness and loss for my daughter. It reminded me of another video I saw before: On May 20, a mother was waiting at home for her son, who was in middle school, to come home for dinner as usual. Unexpectedly, the caring son actually came back with two cups of milk tea and handed them into his mother\’s hands. Later, the mother discovered that her son was uncharacteristically wearing his school uniform on his head and covering his schoolbag tightly. Just when she was wondering, her son had already walked in front of her. I saw my son handsomely lifting up his school uniform, revealing a bouquet of flowers in his schoolbag. Looking at her son\’s swaying back and the carefully preserved bouquet of flowers, the mother couldn\’t help laughing. It is also a special day, and families with a sense of ceremony are always full of joy and laughter. In families without a sense of ritual, there is often only silence and embarrassment. As the writer Lin Youyou said: \”The exploration and review of the sense of ritual are actually the recognition and confirmation of love.\” Life is inseparable from daily necessities, but occasionally it also needs some poetic and artistic embellishments. And the sense of ritual is the perfect match for a home. In a family with a sense of ritual, every family member can be nourished by love. Children who come from such a family will be happier and more secure, and more likely to gain the energy to fight negative emotions. Families with a sense of ritual have happier children. Writer Haruki Murakami once coined a word: little luck. It refers to those small and precise happiness in life that can last from 3 seconds to a whole day. Many times, children\’s little happiness comes from a life with a sense of ritual. I once saw a piece of news: There is a mother in Zhengzhou who prepares loving breakfast for her children every day for seven consecutive years. Not only that, she also connected food with ancient poetry. The inspiration for making a \”poetry breakfast\” for the first time came from a painting my daughter drew based on ancient poems at school. \”Three or two branches of peach blossoms outside the bamboo are the foretellers of the warm water in the spring river.\” A plate of chrysanthemums made of noodles shows Tao Yuanming\’s famous saying: \”Pick chrysanthemums under the eastern fence, and you can leisurely see the Nanshan Mountains.\” Look at this plate of tomatoes. Plum blossoms, aren\’t they just like \”a few plum blossoms in the corner, Ling Han blooms alone\”? And this mother’s idea is actually very simple: “I want my daughter to recall her childhood.There is a sense of beauty and happiness. \”A beautiful and poetic breakfast not only gives children a sense of fullness, but also teaches them a sense of ritual towards life, allowing them to learn to manage happiness. Coincidentally, there is a pair of parents in Hangzhou who also use a unique sense of ritual to make their children I felt the happiness of being loved. At the end of May last year, Aunt Dong’s son was about to graduate from college. In order to witness this important moment, Aunt Dong and her husband decided to set off from Hangzhou and ride to Beijing to surprise their son, whom they had not seen for a year. The two traveled through Zhejiang, Jiangsu, Anhui and other cities, riding 1,459.1 kilometers, which lasted 20 days, and finally arrived in Beijing. After learning that his parents came to see him, the son ran out of school excitedly and hugged his parents tightly. . Although the graduation ceremony could not be held as scheduled due to the epidemic. But at this moment, because his parents were with him, his son was still extremely satisfied. The German scholar Zinghoff wrote in the book \”Why Do We Need Ceremonies\” Said: “In a turbulent era, rituals give people something to rely on. Ritual helps us deal with the dilemmas in life, awakens the beautiful emotions in our hearts, and is a haven for the soul and a source of strength. \”As parents, we are destined to drift away from our children. But we can leave milestones for our children\’s growth through rituals and give them the ability to create happiness. With this ability, when children face life alone At this time, no matter how many forks in the road are in front of them, they can walk to the other side of happiness and turn their trivial days into moving poems. Education with a sense of ritual can best awaken children\’s courage. There is such a person in the movie \”Miracle Boy\” Plot: The boy Auggie was born with facial defects. Although he has undergone 27 surgeries, his facial features are still extremely distorted. For this reason, he has been staying at home since he was born. Until he was 7 years old, Auggie finally summoned the courage , decided to attend Beecher Preparatory School. However, with such a special face, Auggie could not stop beating the drum in his heart before going to school. And his parents also noticed their son\’s uneasiness. Finally it was time to go to school, Auggie I was pleasantly surprised to find that the whole family was dressed up, and my father even put on a brand-new suit just to send himself to school. It was this small ritual that quietly resolved Auggie\’s fear. The psychological \”anchor\” \”The fixed effect\” tells us: when we feel panic and uneasiness due to the uncertainty of things, we can reduce our inner uneasiness through a process of prediction and imagination. The sense of ritual often has a fixed form and procedure. Let the children participate Coming to the ceremony is the first step to overcome fear. I have a friend named Wang Fang. She and her husband were unable to take care of their children due to work reasons, so they sent their one-year-old son Zhouzhou back to their hometown. Until Zhouzhou When he was in the second grade of elementary school, the couple took their son back to them. Although the grandparents in his hometown had always been very good to the child, Wang Fang was distressed to find that Zhouzhou was very timid and introverted, and would often get into trouble because of other people\’s jokes. I had random thoughts and was always submissive when interacting with my classmates. It wasn’t until half a year later that I saw a video of Zhouzhou’s speech in Wang Fang’s circle of friends. I saw his eyes were firm and his face was full of self-confidence.Letter of smile. Faced with my curious inquiry, Wang Fang told me that at the beginning, she didn’t know how to encourage her children. Until she saw a news about a family of three insisting on running in the morning, she also took her husband and son to run every morning and organized a family talk activity every week. The amazing thing is that after a while, my son became really brave and confident. Barbara Fiese, Ph.D. in psychology, and his team found in research that the sense of ritual in the family will permeate into the flesh and blood of children, filling them with a sense of belonging, security and purpose. If a child wants to move from ignorance to maturity, he needs to constantly absorb psychological nutrition. And education with a sense of ritual is the best nourishment for children. When a child feels the unconditional love and acceptance of his parents, he will have the confidence to face his fears and keep trying. Small rituals give children the best weapon to fight against negative emotions. I remember seeing two short stories shared by a netizen on Zhihu: The first story: Every time I got angry when I had an argument with my parents when I was a child, my grandfather would let him go. He took a few grains of white rice from home and threw them into the yard. Then, sit aside and wait for the ants to move. Only when the ants have removed all the grains of rice can he get up and leave. Second story: A netizen had many pets when he was a child, and some of them died unexpectedly. After the parents learn about it, they will accompany him to bury the pet\’s body, plant an unknown plant next to the mound, and bid farewell to the pet silently. Such a ritual allowed him to unknowingly learn to control his anger and sadness: when he saw all the rice grains on the ground being moved away by ants, he knew that sooner or later his unhappiness would gradually disappear like the rice grains on the ground. ; When the loess completely buried the body of his beloved pet, he gradually understood that all sadness would eventually turn into nostalgia. The University of Connecticut once conducted an experiment: researchers recruited 75 islanders and told them that a flood was imminent. Then they were divided into two groups. One group could perform ritual activities such as burning incense and praying; the other group could sit quietly for 11 minutes and do nothing. Finally, everyone\’s anxiety level and heart rate were tested. The results showed that participants in the ritual group had lower anxiety levels than the meditation group in terms of both psychological and physiological data. Therefore, parents who don’t know how to teach their children to manage their emotions can also design some exclusive rituals for their children: when their children are nervous because of exams, parents can prepare a fried dough stick and two eggs for them; when their children fall into self-doubt, parents can You can snap your fingers in his ear and tell him that the previous mistakes have been wiped out… If there is any magic in this world that is most effective, it must be the love and intention of parents. In life, everyone will encounter unsatisfactory things. In order to prevent our children from paying for out-of-control bad emotions, the simplest way is to give them a jar that can hold anger, sadness, and worry. Help children dump out their negative emotions and resolve them in appropriate ways. And this jar is called a sense of ritual. A German writer wrote: \”A life with a sense of ritual can give us a real sense of existence. It is not to leave any impression on others, but toI am truly perceiving life and facing life enthusiastically. Its essence is love from the heart. \”What kind of world parents let their children see is what kind of world their children will have. Those seemingly ordinary rituals, with the passage of time, will become the source of children\’s happiness and security: Make a loving breakfast for your children; Make sure you have some uninterrupted parent-child time every day, play sports with your children, talk to each other, and say \”good night\” to each other before going to bed; attend your children\’s graduation ceremony in formal attire; design a unique cheering gesture for your children… life in general There is a bleak side, but the sense of ritual can become the light that illuminates a child\’s entire childhood. It is precisely because of this light that children can perceive love, believe in love, give love, and find love in any situation. Your own happiness. Click \”Like\” and from today on, give your children a childhood full of rituals and small blessings.