Do you know the 6 invisible dangers of domestic violence?

Philosophy professor Fu Peirong said: \”If a person does not have a good family environment, it will be difficult for him to lead a normal life.\” In reality, many parents think that by making more money and providing their children with a comfortable living environment, they can cultivate their children to become talents. . Little do they know that parents are their children\’s first environment. Every word, deed, and action of their parents leaves indelible marks on their children. In particular, these 6 behaviors hide the domestic violence that is most easily overlooked and hurts children the most. Taking punishment as education, I read a Zhihu netizen’s sharing: She had no worries about food and clothing since she was a child, and she studied well, but her mother was very venomous and always made fun of her no matter what she did. If you do well in the college entrance examination, you are not praised or encouraged, but \”Doing well in the college entrance examination is the real skill. Don\’t be complacent this time or two.\” If you do not do well in the college entrance examination, you will be hit even more. Every word your mother says is like \”Look, they say you are a proud person and you can\’t boast at all.\” She protested several times, hoping that her mother would stop speaking with thorns and say more good things about her. However, my mother did not feel that she had done anything wrong. Instead, she spoke plausibly and said, \”I am doing this for your own good.\” The more this happened, the more she doubted: Is it really for her own good? I even often deny myself and don\’t believe in myself. Even if I have achievements, I am just lucky for a while. I am actually very bad. There is a saying in \”The Villa of Desire\”: \”A soft tongue can break a person\’s bones. Words are sometimes more hurtful than violence.\” Every word spoken by parents is carving their children. Especially when children are fragile, depressed, and in need of comfort and care, parents\’ cynicism and insincere words can cause deep harm, not killing people but hurting their hearts. Attack is not education, but a sharp knife that destroys children\’s self-confidence and sense of security. It does no good at all. Anti-drowning safety education for primary school students, etc., comprehensive protection of children\’s safety encyclopedia 100-lesson audio. If you want to protect children\’s healthy and happy growth throughout their lives, start by talking well and give them more encouragement and affirmation, so that children can learn to accept and love themselves. Ignoring the emotional needs of children I often hear complaints from some parents, saying that when their children grow up, they are no longer willing to be close to them and do not say anything. When this happens, they are more likely to think that it is the child\’s problem. However, it is not. Many parents can only linger at the door of their children\’s hearts after all their efforts. It\’s not that the children are unwilling to open and accept it, but that the parents can\’t find the key or have lost the key early. In \”Teacher Please Answer\”, a girl named Wenwen silently endured two years of school bullying. She knows martial arts and is also the squad leader. She looks good in all aspects, but her classmates are unwilling to play with her and deliberately isolate her. At first, she would report it to her parents, but her mother\’s attitude was \”school is a place for learning, don\’t worry about so many things\” and she was unwilling to listen to her. As for her father, he basically had no chance to know what happened to her at school. He was called away as soon as she got home and was very busy. As time went by, she stopped mentioning her inner grievances to her parents and endured everything silently. It wasn\’t until she went on the show in front of all the teachers and guests that she burst into tears and cried out about her difficulties. Did you find out? The child is unwilling to say anything or approach his parents.It\’s not his fault at all, but his parents couldn\’t see the signal when he asked for help, and unilaterally felt that \”the child said only trivial things.\” This kind of emotional neglect is like a blunt knife that is not sharp and keeps scratching on the child\’s body. It does not bleed but is painful, so that the child would rather choose to avoid it than to be slandered. In fact, children don\’t want much at all. When they need it, their parents can see their inner voice and give them trust and response. It is normal for family members to have conflicts and quarrels in front of their children. Low-level parents never care about their children\’s feelings. They argue and tear each other up in front of their children, pointing at each other\’s noses and yelling curses. Little did he know that the child who saw everything in his eyes was experiencing a catastrophe in his heart that was far beyond anyone\’s imagination. There is a couple in \”Gold Medal Mediation\” who quarreled all day long due to family conflicts. The husband even called his wife trash in front of his son. Things like this happen from time to time. The two adults often fight tit for tat at home, refusing to give in to the other, making the house a mess. Now that my son is 13 years old, he does not have the youthful vigor of his peers. She has low self-esteem, is introverted, withdrawn, and unsociable. She is very reserved when taking photos. They thought that by not discussing the divorce in front of their son, his son would not be seriously negatively affected. But the fact is that living in an environment where his parents are constantly attacking each other and verbally violent from morning to night, the son has long lost the ability to live a normal life. Parents are their children\’s heaven and earth. No matter who wins in the end, it is the children who lose. If there is a conflict, please keep the child away from the \”battlefield\” and do not involve him. If there is no time to avoid it, please comfort the child in time, explain to the child the reason for the parents\’ quarrel, and emphasize: This is not your problem, it is just that your parents did not handle their emotions well, don\’t be afraid, we still love you as before. Passing the warmth of love to your children is the best nourishment for your children. Using children as bargaining chips Psychologist Murray Bowen proposed a \”triangle theory\”: the most basic relationship between people is the relationship between two people. When problems arise in the intimate relationship between two people, a third person is often required to intervene. Ease the anxiety caused by two people. This is very common in \”problem families\”. The husband is busy with work and neglects to take care of the family, so the wife complains in front of the children, pulling the children to complain and complain; the husband is not as efficient as the wife in doing things, and some things are not done satisfactorily, and the wife complains and scolds the children; The wife has a strong personality and demands a lot, but the husband doesn\’t say anything openly, but secretly allies with the children to deal with the wife… He thinks that he will pull the children to join the team and increase his fighting power and voice, but in the end he forces the children into a dilemma. Both sides are the parents who gave birth to him and are his closest relatives. Whoever helps is a betrayal of the other person. \”Triangulated families\” end up controlling, torturing and destroying children. Unconsciously, parents use their children as bargaining chips to let them judge their marriage and maintain the stability of the family. However, children do not have the mature ability at all, and they do not know how to properly help either party deal with the problem. The more he is asked to take sides, the more he will increase his inner sense of guilt and separation, ruining his future beautiful and stable life. Grudges and conflicts between adults, adults can handle it themselves, don\’t involve children, let alone use children as tools. Giving children a carefree childhood is the greatest self-consciousness of being a parent. I saw a street interview where the host asked a woman passing by: Who is more important in your life, your husband or your children? The results were surprising. 53% of women chose children without hesitation, thinking that children are the flesh that has fallen from their bodies and must be more important than their husbands. 37% chose both as important because there is no comparison. Only 10% of women choose their husbands. This result truly reflects the current situation of Chinese wives to a certain extent: they value their children more than their partners, and everything revolves around their children. When the child is still young and needs to sleep with him, he kicks his husband out of the bedroom and replaces the protagonists of the \”two-person world\” with himself and the child. Don\’t take the child\’s food and drink expenses lightly, eat the best and use the most expensive ones; tutor the child in learning, I spend all my time and energy without feeling bad, but my husband often comes over and wants to talk but he often has no time to care. A family model that puts parent-child relationship first is not love but harm to children. A little emperor or princess who is held in the palm of her mother\’s hand will firmly believe that she is more important than anyone else in the family. She has complete priority and does not need to put others in the eyes. When you grow up, you will most likely become selfish, self-centered, and ignorant of the ways of the world. Psychological expert Wu Zhihong said: \”Many people focus entirely on the children when they have children. But in fact, in a family, the relationship between husband and wife is the anchor of the family, and the relationship between husband and wife is the first priority. The parent-child relationship comes second.\” You must know that the relationship between husband and wife is the core of a family. Only by respecting the existence of your partner and being considerate of your partner\’s feelings can you set a good example for your child and let him learn respect, restraint and empathy. The battle for intergenerational parenting rights. Some time ago, the hot search question \”Should working parents let the elderly take care of their children?\” triggered widespread discussion among netizens. According to relevant data, the proportion of elderly people who help take care of their children is as high as 66.47%. It has become the norm for the elderly to help take care of their children in the family division of labor. Although it is a good thing for the elderly to lend a helping hand to relieve their children\’s urgent need to take care of their children, the problem of intergenerational parenting cannot be ignored. A friend of mine is from a dual-income family. Since her son entered junior high school last year, her mother-in-law came to Guangzhou from her hometown to help take care of her grandson. Like most mothers, my friend has relatively high academic requirements for her son. She even lets her son take tutoring online on weekends and is not allowed to look at his mobile phone. But the old man felt that his grandson was so tired from studying every day and needed to relax properly, so he lent his grandson his mobile phone to watch short videos while his friends were away. When I see a friend asking my grandson to learn this or that, he will say a few words if he doesn\’t understand. Originally, my son\’s self-control was average, but now there are elderly people \”protecting him\”, and his attitude towards his parents has become a bit rude. I urged him to do his homework several times, but he remained unmoved. As soon as he felt something was wrong, he hurried to his grandma for help. Let your son be \”drowned\” or \”send\” your mother-in-law back to your hometown? The friend is in a dilemma. Once it is not handled well, the impact on the children will only become greater and greater, and there is no way to educate the children well together. The biggest difficulty in intergenerational education is simply “who” saysHave the final say. Since the elderly are only assisting, it is best to communicate clearly in advance who should be responsible for what. If there are some issues that are difficult to communicate, then focus on the care and cultivation of the children and clarify the common direction for both parties. Give the elderly enough respect and adhere to your own principles of educating children. If you believe that the direction is right, the children will have fewer unnecessary behavioral temptations. When it comes to educating children, I often feel like this: the child is like a sapling, and the family environment is like the water that irrigates it. If there are disputes, noises, and blows everywhere, the foundation of a child\’s growth will be affected. Even if he tries his best to grow up and become successful, he will still be trapped in a chaotic family atmosphere. Only by taking love as the premise, caring about the child\’s situation and feelings, and allowing him to live relaxed and free is the best achievement for him. I hope that all parents in the world can give their children a safe and warm family, so that they can flourish, flourish, and be filled with infinite hope throughout their lives.