Characteristics of a happy family

Psychologist Jung said: \”Loneliness is not because there is no one around you. The real reason for feeling lonely is because you are unable to communicate your most important feelings with others.\” In other words, loneliness is not about having no one around you, but that there is someone around you. , but had nothing to say. People often say: Home is the warmest harbor. However, even in this harbor of love, even if you are surrounded by relatives and friends, loneliness will suddenly come at a certain moment. This loneliness directly affects the happiness of every family member. One of the best ways to alleviate this loneliness is to \”respond to each other promptly and patiently.\” Knowing how to respond is a detail that few people care about. In a family, if members do not respond to each other or respond very coldly, it can also become a weapon to hurt feelings. Respond positively to your partner. A young couple is arguing for divorce. There is no third party or domestic violence, just because the husband has nothing to say to his wife. \”What\’s for dinner today?\” asked my wife. \”Whatever.\” The husband was playing on his mobile phone on the sofa without raising his head. \”My friend is pregnant. I\’m really happy for her. Why don\’t we go see her?\” \”You decide.\” The conversation between her and her husband often ended abruptly like this. One night, the wife was working hard to take care of her sick child. When she came out of the room, she saw her husband sitting in front of the computer playing games. She lost her temper with her husband, but looked up at him with a calm face. That was the first time she felt deeply that this unresponsive marriage had come to an end. In a relationship, the most uncomfortable thing is no communication, no response, and treating problems that arise with passive silence. Many couples\’ relationships slowly fade away due to lack of response. Download the full set of Sanmao Wanderings cartoon [26 episodes in high-definition version 8.88GB] In the movie \”Wonderless West and East\”, Xu Bochang has an indifferent attitude towards his wife Liu Shufen, with very little response. Liu Shufen couldn\’t bear it and beat and scolded Xu Bochang. , but the husband remained indifferent. Liu Shufen once said this: \”Outsiders only know how I hit you and scolded you, but they don\’t know how you hit me. You didn\’t hit me with your hands, you hit me with your attitude.\” What really hurts people is not the fist. , but an indifferent attitude. I think of a friend who said to me: \”Between husband and wife, if they can quarrel, it means that the marriage relationship can still be saved. If you don\’t say anything, ignore each other, and remain silent, that is when the relationship is really about to come to an end.\” Quarreling, even if the method is wrong. , but it can also be regarded as a kind of communication; if there is a conflict, the two people deal with it in silence, dragging the existing problems without resolving them, and the resentment will accumulate and deepen. In an intimate relationship, you can give without expecting anything in return, but you must receive a response. A response can at least prove that the other person takes their feelings seriously. Without this step, the relationship will not stand the test of time. In the long-term relationship between two people, without response, understanding and support, no matter how much love they have, they will be wasted. Respond patiently to the elderly. After spending a long time with their parents, many people gradually lose control of their emotions and take their elders\’ tolerance for them as a matter of course. When they get along, they either play with their mobile phones or use \”no time\” or \”busy\”. Send them away; otherwise the words are full of impatience. Some netizens once summarized some of the saddest things for parentsResponse: Okay, okay, got it! Even if you tell me, you don’t understand. Your approach has long been outdated. If you don\’t want these things anymore, what are you doing here? Young people are full of complaining attitudes and even label the elderly with various labels: backward, unable to keep up with the times, careless, older generation, etc., unknowingly hurting their parents. I once saw an old man who was reluctant to throw away the mineral water bottle in his hand, but his daughter said: \”You are really full and have nothing to do.\” When we were young, we looked at our parents\’ faces, but now that we have grown up, our parents will also look at our faces. . In \”The Analects of Confucius: Weizheng\”, Zi Xia asked about filial piety, and Zi said: \”Color is difficult.\” According to today\’s understanding, it is not easy to get along with parents and maintain a good attitude. When a young man was teaching his parents how to use the health code, he told his parents the same thing over and over again, and their parents couldn\’t remember it. He lost patience and became agitated. When he saw his parents trembling with fear, holding their mobile phones and worrying about what he had done wrong, he felt guilty again. Not being able to help but get angry at their parents and then feeling guilty afterwards is a normal part of life for many middle-aged people. In fact, what hurts the feelings of family members the most is this kind of emotional response. Even if the younger generation does not mean it, it can still hurt the heart of the elders. As parents grow older, their dependence on their children has become far greater than their children\’s dependence on them. Sometimes they are like sensitive and fragile \”children\” who always long for a positive and patient response from their children. Talking well may be the best gift you can give them. Respond to children in a timely manner. Every child longs for a timely response from his parents, but is often ignored. Once on a business trip, I met a mother and son at the station. The child was very excited and pestered the mother to ask questions. The mother was busy chatting with someone with headphones on. At first, she agreed with her um and um, but after a while she If you are impatient, just like swatting away flies, ask your child to sit aside and stop messing around. \”Mom, why are you ignoring me!\” \”You are busy, you play with yourself, I am watching you!\” \”You play with me!\” \”I am not here to accompany you!\” Chinese parents We often fall into a misunderstanding. We always feel that taking our children with us means accompanying and loving them. The fact is that what your child wants is not your company, but that you can respond to him when you accompany him, including your eyes, body, and words, and be able to detect and respond to his emotions in a timely manner. This kind of interaction with parents during childhood is crucial to the child\’s psychological growth. It determines the child\’s happiness and security in childhood. Since birth, every child has used his or her cries, expressions and movements to seek the attention of adults, hoping to get their response. The more timely and peaceful the parents respond, the stronger the child\’s inner sense of security will be. Freud told a story: A three-year-old boy shouted in a dark room: \”Auntie, talk to me. It\’s too dark here, I\’m scared!\” The aunt shouted to him: \”What\’s the matter? Use? You can\’t see me.\” \”It doesn\’t matter.\” The boy said, \”When someone speaks, the room lights up.\” Response is the light in the darkness. No response is a desperate situation. Compared with being afraid of the dark, children are more afraid of the person they love not being around, and the timelyThe response confirms that the person is always around, and the person feels safe. In life, many parents often use the wrong way to respond to their children: when some parents are busy or in a bad mood, they do not respond to their children\’s questions and needs or deal with them indifferently. Some parents like to use \”ignoring their children\” as a method of punishment. When a child makes a mistake, they lock him or her outside the door or in a small room, and ignore the child no matter how much he or she cries. There are also some parents who respond to their children with a lot of denial and blow, leaving their children with no self-confidence and no feeling of love. When a child needs affirmation, when a child needs support, when a child wants to talk, parental neglect is a blow to him. Timely and positive responses can make children feel loved and seen, and their inner happiness is abundant. Every word can be valued, and every emotion can be accepted. Children will feel their own existence and value, and then develop self-esteem, confidence, and self-love. People\’s pursuit of love, in the final analysis, is actually the pursuit of being understood and seen. In families, both adults and children are eager to be seen by their family members. When the old man has been busy for a long time preparing a table of food to entertain the guests, his children come up and say softly: \”Thank you for your hard work today!\” When the husband plans a family trip, the wife praises her with admiration: \”You did a great job. It’s over!” When the child runs over with the newly painted painting, the parents put down what they are doing, squat down to admire and encourage the child: “I see it, the painting is beautiful!” We have always advocated not to “people are in the heart but not in the heart”. \”Fake companionship\”. When with children, the elderly should try not to watch TV, and parents should try not to look at their mobile phones. They should be the \”translator\” of their children\’s eyes. With your partner and parents, you can put your phone aside for a while and check it again. People who truly have loved ones in their hearts don’t care whether the phone rings or not when they are with their loved ones, because no one is more important than their close relatives. Don\’t underestimate these simple details, they represent the importance you attach to the other person. The so-called response means that I see you, see your needs, and see your difficulties. If you give your family members more timely and positive responses, the family will become happier and happier.