Children with delusions of entitlement and trap personalities tend to have low self-esteem and selfishness when they grow up.

In life, there is a type of people who are particularly domineering and bad-tempered. No matter what they do, they must do it according to their temperament and ideas, otherwise they will lose their temper. Sometimes I wonder, why don’t they think about others? Why do others have to accommodate them? Later, after reading a book about personality, I discovered that personality is really shaped to a large extent by the family of origin. Entitlement Illusion Character The book \”The Trap of Character\” mentions a kind of character – the illusion of entitlement. The most obvious characteristic of this personality is: I can get whatever I want. For children with this kind of personality, they use a saying on the Internet to ridicule: \”I don\’t want you to think, I want me to feel.\” They feel good about themselves, but it is usually the people around them who suffer. Especially parents, if they raise a child with a delusion of entitlement, they will be angry every day. The illusion of entitlement generally has the following characteristics. Let’s take a look at them together. Children who cannot accept others saying \”no\” to their demands will cry and lose their temper if we feel they are unreasonable and disagree with them. Older children may even throw things. When you don\’t get what you want, you will lose your temper and play with your phone. If you don\’t get it, you won\’t be able to explain anything, and you will lose your temper until you are satisfied. Put your own needs first. When you see something delicious and fun, you don’t think about sharing it. You always satisfy yourself first. Unable to restrain oneself to complete the task that needs to be done. If you assign a task to your child, he cannot restrain himself to complete it. Instead, he will half-heartedly or often give up halfway. If you are unable to achieve a certain goal, you will easily get frustrated and give up on doing something. If you can\’t do it well or you can\’t do it well, you will lose your temper and give up instead of thinking about how to do it well. Asking others to do things his way. Once I saw two children playing chess. The child holding the red chess piece made a move. The child on the black chess piece immediately stopped him and said, \”That\’s not how it was played. You can\’t play like that.\” The child holding the red chess piece was unconvinced. This is my chess piece. You don\’t allow me to put it anywhere. The child on the black side, seeing that he was about to lose, became angry and raised his hand to overturn the entire chessboard. When I saw this scene, the thought that popped into my mind was that this child is too domineering, and he will have no friends with this character. Some children have poor self-control and cannot delay gratification. If you ask them to do their homework first and then play, they can complete it very well. But some children insist on having fun first and will never write until the last moment. Poor self-control and unwillingness to suffer first before sweetness are also manifestations of a character with delusion of entitlement. Top 10 bestsellers Li Zhongying\’s Comprehensive Skills on Parent-Child Relationship e-book Children who grow up with low self-esteem and selfishness usually come from such families and have delusions of entitlement. Children with personalities are generally selfish, only caring about themselves and not caring about others, and sometimes they will suffer because of being People are disgusting and have low self-esteem. How is this kind of character formed? Mainly, it has to do with the way the family is raised. Pampering and doting on children, giving them whatever they want, can be said to be the most obvious cause of the illusion of entitlement. Children can do whatever they want at home, and their parents will meet their needs, whether they are reasonable or unreasonable. This kind of upbringing will make children feel that you all have to listen to me. He also formed the idea that \”I have unlimited\”Great power\” illusion, thus developing the character of \”pampering power illusion\”. In addition, if we do not ask the child to take responsibility for his own affairs, study, housework, etc., or give him tasks, he will not do it. Then It is difficult for children to take responsibility, but act on instinctive impulses, thus developing the \”impulsive illusion of entitlement\” character. Because we have not taught him that when he gets something, he has to give something. He has not learned The concept of \”mutuality\” means that it is natural for others to take care of him and meet his needs without paying anything in return. The counterattack of emotional deprivation also has a type of children. You see that they have a particularly bad temper and will get angry if they are slightly unsatisfied. But their parents I\’m not doting on you, so why do I have this illusion of entitlement? The book \”Inferiority and Transcendence\” mentions a word: compensation. That is to say, when a person is extremely lacking in something, he will get a lot of it in the opposite direction. , to obtain compensation. Some children, because they have been emotionally neglected by their parents since childhood, lack love and care, and have not established a close attachment relationship with their parents, they are extremely lonely and angry. Because they are too afraid of being deprived again, they become too demanding. , strong desire to control, to make up for their feelings of emotional deprivation. Since this kind of personality is troubled when growing up, he does not feel pain, but others suffer. Then such a child will not suffer, and there is no need to do anything How about changing? No! What kind of pattern does a person have with his parents in childhood? When he grows up, he can easily bring this pattern into other interpersonal relationships. For example, friends, colleagues, partners Etc. The character with the illusion of entitlement will make people unbearable due to too many demands, eventually causing people close to them to become very angry, or simply cut off relations with them. In addition, the impulsive illusion of entitlement is often very bad-tempered, and may even say a few words He gets angry when something is wrong, and he is prone to conflicts and friction with others when he grows up. Coupled with the lack of self-discipline and the inability to restrain himself, a person with an impulsive delusion of entitlement will become a habitual low achiever. In his career There is not much enterprising spirit, and they are not even willing to complete necessary tasks, which makes them prone to financial difficulties. It is difficult for such children to get ahead when they grow up. How to raise them? If we don’t want our children to have poor interpersonal relationships and financial difficulties in the future , then we need to change the way we raise children. Guide children to see other people’s needs and feelings. One time Bu Niu was playing with her cousin. The cousin only watched TV and didn’t want to take care of her little sister. When Bu Niu got angry, she raised her I slapped my cousin in the face and cried on the spot. After comforting the boy, I took Bunuo to another room and first guided her to understand other people’s feelings: My brother was beaten to tears by you. How painful it is. Think about it, how distressed would your aunt be if she saw your cousin crying like this? If you were beaten by another child and cried, would your mother be sad? Would she be sad? Bunniu felt a little wronged. She said that her brother didn\’t play with her. I then guided her to see the needs of others: Brother can decide whether to play with you, and we can\’t force others. When you want to be with your mother, you don\’t want to play with the children either. No? Bunniu nodded, and thenAfter leaving the room, I went to apologize to my brother. When a child behaves badly or makes excessive demands, we need to guide him to see the needs and feelings of others, stimulate empathy, and avoid the illusion that \”I have absolute rights.\” Let your child do what he can do, and refrain from interfering if your child keeps giving you orders, such as \”Mom, I want to drink water\”, \”Mom, help me get milk\”, \”Mom, help me pack my schoolbag\”. He can do these things on his own, but he always relies on you for help. Then you have to remind yourself to stop arranging and doting. Learn to let go and let your children do it on their own. You can say that mom has some unfinished business and she is a little tired, so you can do it yourself. Then, don’t worry about it anymore. No matter whether the child cries or doesn\’t do it, you must implement it firmly and let the child see your attitude and know that you will not interfere, and he will slowly grow up. It doesn\’t matter if he does it a little slowly or almost at first. What\’s important is that he relies on himself, takes responsibility, and grows up step by step. Set boundaries. My dad once reminded me that I have no boundaries with my children. The rules I had set were that as soon as Bunniu cries, I will give in immediately. After I realized that this would pamper Bunniu, I immediately corrected myself consciously. For example, if you say you only want to watch TV for one hour, then you must only watch one hour. Don\’t be soft-hearted just because she cries. Another example is that she doesn\’t like to brush her teeth, but I insist that she must brush them every day, even if she is passive and slow at work. After having such a limit, Bunniu later formed good habits and actively fulfilled the good things she promised. When you first set boundaries, your child may resist, cry, or test your attitude. As long as you are gentle but firm, your child will understand that you will not give in when you say you will. When setting boundaries, we need to be careful to keep our word. We can\’t just ask our children to follow the rules, but the promises we make ourselves often don\’t count. Only in this way can children know what they can and cannot do, instead of blindly asking others to make concessions to themselves and feeling that they have unlimited rights.