Professor from Tsinghua University: Only by enduring hardship can one become a master?

Chinese parents like to teach their children: only by enduring hardship can one become a master. You must endure hardship today to have happiness tomorrow. Many mothers have been planning for their children\’s lifelong happiness since prenatal education, including prenatal education classes, early childhood education classes, everything from piano and dance to Mathematical Olympiad and English… for fear that if their children miss one class, they will lose the capital for future happiness. But can you be happy if you get into a good university? No one can guarantee it. Everyone should know about the amazing Chinese PDF Professor Peng Kaiping, director of the Department of Psychology at Tsinghua University, reminds Chinese parents: What we should give our children most now is not the ability to endure hardship, but the ability to be happy! Parents should not think that loving their children will definitely make them happy. Real happiness is to provide children with a suitable space and environment for their growth and let them create it themselves! Do you have to endure hardships in childhood to be happy in adulthood? Today\’s children, a child is loved by six adults, surrounded by six people, and six people are very kind to him. The adults provide the child with generous material conditions and do not ask for anything in return from the child. The only thing I want is to be a good kid and get into a good university. To some extent, Chinese children live in a cultural environment full of competition, purpose, utilitarianism, and even comparison. Children spend a lot of time occupied by competition, exams, homework, and homework, and are measured by rigid and mechanized indicators. Originally, the child took a class and thought he had learned a lot, but suddenly the exam came and he only scored 60 points. The child\’s pressure would skyrocket! Today\’s parents are particularly anxious: as long as a child is not strong enough, hard enough, diligent enough, smart enough, domineering enough, or good enough… he will be eliminated by society. Parents are coerced by social pressure, and children are coerced by various tutoring classes. In the \”cruel living environment\”, children become learning tools, and the warm child disappears! They are filled with various classes 24/7 and have almost no space for independence and freedom; many children have not been able to find playmates to play with since kindergarten; they lack space for personal growth and have no place to struggle on their own; many children The child has spent more than 20 years in school, but he can neither find his own value nor know what to do? The so-called \”you must endure hardship today to have happiness tomorrow\” will only make parents anxious, children bored, and teachers tired. In fact, no stage should be sacrificed for another stage. Childhood should not be a victim of \”happiness\”. Childhood is not a preparation for adulthood, let alone a \”stepping stone\” for adulthood. Childhood should have its own value and its own happiness! Times have changed, and children who can only endure hardship have no future. \”Mom and Dad, I didn\’t do well in the exam. I\’m sorry for you. I\’m gone. Don\’t look for me…\” These were the last words left by a 12-year-old girl in Sichuan to her parents. If I do well in the exam, I am a good kid; if I fail other kids, I am a good-for-nothing \”trash\”. In an agricultural society, resources were scarce and a lot of involution occurred. Because there were not enough resources, we had to let children compete with each other. But now is the 21st century. Artificial intelligence machines can replace tens of millions of Chinese workers. The real situation is: we don’t need to train our children.The \”mobile hard drive\” for developing knowledge, the era of hard work is over! What is needed now is an era of thoughtfulness, wisdom, and aesthetics, and these have nothing to do with enduring hardship. The biggest dilemma that parents encounter is that they have been taught a hard-working education since childhood. When it comes to \”pursuing happiness\”, parents\’ resources are scarce! 1. Don’t dare to take your children on a different path. It’s especially easy for us to stay on the same old path we’re used to: punching in, going to work, getting paid, and raising children. Many parents like to take the path that everyone else takes. In fact, if thousands of troops cross the single-plank bridge, there must be many ghosts who died unjustly under the bridge. Taking the path that others do not take means risk and uncertainty, but after you take it, you will unexpectedly find that there is a new way out. 2. We teach children to compete but not to cooperate with others. In ancient times, we humans could not defeat those wild beasts and wolves alone. Only by uniting and cooperating can we defeat those wild beasts. What does that mean? It shows that the logic that you can survive only if you are stronger than others is wrong. This is an era of free development for everyone. In this era, mutual benefit, mutual help, and mutual fulfillment are particularly important. It\’s not that you are better than others, it\’s that you can be excellent with everyone, which is the most important humanity of us humans. 3. In addition to learning, we should also see the advantages of children’s humanity. Psychological research has found that people with these strong abilities will actually have a more secure future: A. Aesthetic ability, the ability to see the truth, goodness and beauty, and to imagine beautiful scenes that others cannot imagine. C Creativity, learning is always simple repetition. If learning is not creative, it is meaningless for exams. E Empathy, the ability to understand the emotions and feelings of others. Children\’s imagination, communication and expression skills, appeal, etc. are also particularly important abilities. Education gives children the confidence to be happy. In 1975, Professor Mihaly Hiszantmihay, a famous American psychologist, discovered that those who are particularly successful and achieve the best in their careers are not because their IQs are higher than others. It is not because their academic qualifications are better than others, nor is it because their family background is superior to others. The only characteristic that can summarize these leaders in all walks of life is that they can immerse themselves in their work and careers. , forgetting both things and myself, hearty and intoxicated, forgetting time and space. This kind of happy psychological experience generated by concentration is called \”Flow\” by Mihaly, and we translate it as \”blessed flow\”. The experience of blissful flow has five particularly important characteristics: 1. When doing something, you can be highly concentrated and immersed in it; 2. Without any distractions, you forget about things and yourself, yourself, time, and space; 3. Doing things It feels very smooth and smooth; 4. I want to do it, and enjoy the process of doing it happily, not caring about evaluation, and not for the results; 5. After completing it, I have a feeling of enlightenment and heartfelt pain. When a child really likes something, it must not be something he or she has to persevere in. Rather, when a child is doing it, he or she feels filled with a huge sense of satisfaction. You really can’t imagine that those children who are tired of studying for exams are working hard for the things they love.How proactive and endlessly passionate he is when working hard. We bring our children into this world so that they can live to reflect the value of their lives, to live to enjoy life, and to live for happiness. The value of childhood is that children can develop according to their own interests and truly engage in things they like. Happiness can keep children happy, keep their minds in a positive state, make it easier to concentrate and engage in doing things, and be more efficient. On the contrary, always being nervous, always ready to fight against pain, is the terrible internal friction. We hope that our children will have the ability to endure hardship, but also the confidence to enjoy themselves. How much do children with \”happiness power\” earn? Deliberately enduring hardship is because you have no ability to overcome suffering. This behavior may seem noble, but it is actually a helpless choice. Children who suffered hardship in childhood, even if they later passively get out of the suffering, they no longer have the ability to enjoy non-suffering situations, and have to continue to suffer in order to live a safe life. How many adults have a voice in their hearts that pops up every time they encounter something happy: Don’t get carried away! A child with a high sense of happiness will get sick less often and be healthier; he will be more likable, more willing to help others, and has stronger social skills; a happy child will have a particularly strong sense of goal and be more pursuing. , believe that the future is bright, are willing to learn, and are full of longing and hope for the future. A happy child will have more outstanding intelligence and stronger ability to solve problems, think about problems, and create problems. No matter what, everyone should pursue happiness, not just happiness, but also living a meaningful life. A happy family must do three things: 1. The family should spend more time together. Father, mother, and children should spend more time shaking hands, hugging, playing, laughing, etc. Physical, spatial and psychological contact with each other is very important. 2. The family communicates more and speaks more. One of the biggest differences between humans and creatures and machines is that we can speak. Our language is contagious and motivating, and we also have the ability to communicate emotionally. If the family does not spend enough time talking together for a week, If it’s more than 5 hours, we must have a good chat on weekends. In this way, this home will be full of love, full of hope, full of wisdom, and full of humanity. 3. Talk more about art, music, and movies and let your children enjoy art. Many times when we talk about art, music, and movies with our children, it is a particularly beautiful life experience, and it is also something that families should do. There are many ways to be happy, and every family is different. It makes sense to find your own way to be happy, and then stick to it. There is a saying from the ancients: \”Everyone has his own destiny, so don\’t envy others. Everyone has a sky on their head.\” What it means is that everyone’s growth must be created by themselves. Happiness is not a gift, happiness is not giving, and happiness is not passed on. Parents should not think that loving their children will make them happy. Happiness is not a material thing or a product. Parents can\’t give it. Real happiness can only rely on parents to provide a suitable space and environment for growth, allowing children to create it themselves!