Children who grow up to live happily often have these three characteristics

From the moment I gave birth to a child, as a mother, my biggest wish is that the child can live a happy life, worth a thousand dollars. But do you know what affects a person\’s happiness and who lives the happiest life? Harvard spent 75 years tracking the lives of 724 people. Among these people are elite students studying at Harvard University, as well as children from the poorest families in Boston. Interviews were recorded with more than 2,000 people including their family members, friends, and colleagues. We have studied these people from their teenage years to their 90s, just to find out what is it that most affects a person’s happiness? In the end, this study concluded that what drives happiness throughout a person\’s life is not money and fame, but good interpersonal relationships. These interpersonal relationships are not limited to friends and colleagues, but also include many aspects. Children who grow up to live happily often have these three characteristics. \”Be able to handle the relationships around you well\” points out that the third level of human needs after survival and safety is the need to belong. As a social animal, we naturally want to be close to others and be accepted and recognized by the group. The child is just born At that time, his brain development is to prepare for integrating into the group. He learns to speak, is eager to play with other children, and begins to develop empathy, etc. These are all sufficient preparations for integrating into a group of his own. Then Why do many people actively seek to play with their friends when they are children, but as they grow up, they increasingly prefer to be alone and avoid social interaction? The book \”Praise and Blame\” may give the answer: when they feel threatened, Our brains are wired to choose fight or flight. These threats are not someone pointing their nose at you and saying, “I will do what you do. \”But when getting along with others, a contemptuous look, a slightly frowned eyebrow, or a slight negative word from others may make our self-esteem feel threatened. In order to avoid this feeling of rejection, we choose \”Escape\” – take the initiative to stay away from people and close yourself off. Although many people may feel that it is good and comfortable to stay away from society, loneliness is indeed harmful to health. A study by the University of California found that people who feel lonely for a long time will be particularly They are susceptible to germs, have a higher chance of getting sick, and are less likely to live longer. You may say: \”Oh, my child is so sensitive. Others can\’t say a word. What should I do if he is particularly afraid of getting hurt?\” \”Except for a few who are really highly sensitive, most children close themselves off mainly because of blame from us. Blame will make children feel self-blame and shame. Long-term and repeated blame will change the brain structure of children. So much so that he is particularly sensitive to slight negative information. This leads to him choosing to \”fight\”, talk back, and rebel when he is judged at home; and when he feels rejected outside, he chooses to run away. Of course, It doesn’t mean that we can’t blame the child for doing something wrong. But when we blame, we should focus on the matter, and don’t criticize the child’s personality or completely deny him as a person. For example, if a child throws garbage on the ground, we only need to point it out. Good: \”I saw you threw the cookie bag on the floor and I hoped it went in the trash.In the trash can. \”Don\’t rise to a general personal attack: \”You are always so selfish and don\’t care about other people\’s feelings at all. No one will like you in the future. \”Plaguing is too general and will bring about an extreme reaction. If you blame too much, you may face a child who is always ready to \”fight\” or \”flight\”. [Baby must learn to speak] A complete collection of cartoons of Baby Bus nursery rhymes Episode 651, 720P high-definition 3D version. Some people still feel lonely when they are in a crowd. Some people feel that their quality of life is very high even if they only have a few close partners. This is because what determines a person\’s happiness is , not the quantity of interpersonal relationships, but the quality. Then you want to know whether your child will make \”hustling friends\” or good teachers and helpful friends in the future? Just look at his state when he is 4-6 years old. The book \”Capturing Children\’s Sensitive Period\” mentions When the child is 4-6 years old, he will enter the \”sensitive period of interpersonal relationships\”. The way he makes friends at this stage will lay the foundation for him to make friends in the future. When the child is 4 or 5 years old, he will interact with others because of the same interests and hobbies. Choose friends. It may be because you also like Snow White or Ultraman Tiga, so you are my friend. However, at this stage, they will be in a state of \”controlling\” and \”being controlled\” – you have to Listen to me, or I won’t play with you. Some parents will, out of face, see their friend’s child coming and the child ignores it, and the parent will persuade them: “Why don’t you play with him? Be polite. \”As everyone knows, you may be destroying the child\’s principle of making friends by himself, allowing him to compromise in an uncomfortable relationship. In order to escape from the \”controlled\” relationship, by the age of 5 or 6, the child will be highly interested in rules: Since I don\’t want to I listen to you, and you don’t want to obey me, so let’s establish a rule and we can play together by abiding by it. When a child encounters friendship problems before he is 6 years old, we should not rush in to help him solve the problem, but listen more. Let him discover and solve problems by himself. If the child can successfully get through such a sensitive period, he will find friends who make him feel comfortable in the future and know how to maintain a comfortable intimate relationship. Some people maintain a happy marriage. In this Harvard study, those who were satisfied with their marriages at age 50 felt happier and healthier when they were 80-90 years old. Moreover, a good marital relationship can alleviate the damage caused by aging. And those who are unhappy in marriage will experience more physical discomfort in their later years, because bad emotions amplify physical pain. Whether a person can establish an intimate relationship in his marriage depends to a large extent on the relationship between him and his parents. The influence of attachment relationship. If a child has established a secure attachment relationship with his parents since he was a child, he knows that when his heart is hurt, his parents will be his gentle harbor and can accept and tolerate him. Then when he grows up, he will be better able to deal with emotional problems. The psychological flexibility is greater and the recovery ability is relatively strong. However, if the relationship between the child and his parents is avoidant and contradictory, his heart is hurt and wronged, and he cannot get response and comfort from his parents, then he will have a long life in the future. If you are older, it will be difficult to cope with various problems that arise in intimate relationships. Especially when you are withWhen a partner has conflicts, his ability to solve problems is poor, and he will encounter more hostility and conflicts. This requires us to respond to children\’s emotions in a timely manner. When he encounters difficulties, we can squat down, move our eyes from the mobile phone to his eyes, and ask seriously: \”What happened?\” Listen, don\’t rush to refute, empathize with the child\’s emotions, In fact, it is to provide a space for children\’s emotional development, so that they can feel their own and other people\’s emotions, and have the ability to deal with various emotions in interpersonal relationships. Interpersonal relationships include all kinds of relationships we have with parents, friends, partners, and people around us. A person who can make himself comfortable in interpersonal relationships and can get timely help and care from others is the happiest person in his life. So simple, but there is still a long way to go!