How to increase your child\’s self-esteem

Don\’t take your child\’s self-esteem lightly. Every child gradually understands what \”self-esteem\” is from the time he or she develops \”self-awareness.\” As they grow, they look forward to the understanding and respect of adults. Parents want their children to earn face for themselves, but they always ignore their children\’s face. They often think that their children are ignorant, forgetful, and forgetful, and they become unscrupulous when criticizing their children. There is a friend around me who often reprimands his children in front of many people. Sometimes he says that the children are ignorant, and sometimes he says that the children\’s grades are not good. After listening, the children lower their heads and don\’t say a word for a long time. I once advised him not to always talk about his children in this way, because children also need to save face. The educational effect of 103 kinds of children\’s games: American student games and quality training manual to cultivate children\’s cooperation, self-esteem, communication, and emotional intelligence PDF. My friend didn\’t take it seriously: \”What do children know about face!\” In fact, even though children are small, they have strong self-esteem. , and children\’s hearts are more fragile and less defensive than adults. Parents\’ words and deeds, whether intentional or unintentional, may have an adverse impact on the child\’s psychological development. Many children\’s strong sense of inferiority is often implanted by their parents in the first place. What they see in their parents’ comments is a self-image that magnifies shortcomings and is full of flaws. Soviet educator Suhomlinsky said: \”Children\’s dignity is the most sensitive corner of the human mind. Protecting children\’s self-esteem is to protect children\’s potential power.\” It is a nightmare moment when a child loses his face. Harsh words from parents and strange looks from others are all powerful tools to destroy a child\’s self-esteem. Children\’s self-esteem has a bottom line. Every child\’s self-esteem has a line of defense. When dealing with children, try to avoid the following behaviors to avoid touching the bottom line of the child\’s self-esteem. Bottom line 1: Don’t deny your children in the name of modesty. Our culture emphasizes modesty. Many parents are not good at affirming their children and like to deny other people’s praise of their children. Whenever someone praises their children, parents will humbly say: \”Where is it?\” .Children don’t understand the self-righteous modesty of adults. He will take this as your denial of him. When he hears these words, his expression becomes a little sad. Although children are young, they have strong self-esteem. They are eager to be recognized by others, especially their parents. The disparagement of their parents often makes a child unable to hold his head up. Therefore, if others praise your child realistically, you might as well take this opportunity to express your recognition to your child openly. When others praise a child for his good grades: \”Yes, he is a hard-working child.\” When others praise a child for being sensible and polite: \”This child has always done a good job in this area.\” This kind of expression will not cultivate children. A child who is proud and complacent will appear extremely objective, and his heart will be filled with emotion, because you can see his progress. Bottom line 2: Don’t criticize your children in public. In the eyes of many parents: children are children and can be educated as they please, and they don’t hold grudges anyway. I once saw a news story about a little girl who was not serious in class and often made small moves. The teacher reported the situation to the child\’s father.. During the communication, the teacher said: \”You have raised this child for ten years and you can\’t control it. Even if this child has been with me for three months, I can\’t control it.\” As a result, the father beat his daughter hard at night and filmed it. The video was posted to the class group to prove to the teacher that he was in charge of the child. You can imagine what kind of looks this girl will encounter when she returns to school. This father embarrassed his daughter in this way not to educate her, but to vent his anger and shirk responsibility. It’s not just adults who know how to save face, children are the same. Disciplining children in front of others greatly damages children\’s sense of security and self-confidence. Having done something wrong is exposed in public, and accepting everyone\’s sympathy, contempt or blame makes you feel extremely sad and ashamed deep in your heart. This kind of shame will not make children remember lessons. What children remember is the eyes of the outside world, and they just want to escape, either to the extreme of low self-esteem, or to break down and become more and more rebellious. Bottom line three: Don’t expose children’s secrets at will. There was a boy in fifth grade who liked to write a diary. He was afraid that his parents would see it, so he locked it in a cabinet. Unexpectedly, his parents opened it. When I came home from school that day, I happened to hear my mother chatting with my aunt. The content of the chat was exactly what was in the diary. The boy felt that all his secrets were being spread out in front of the public, and he was so angry that his eyes were red: \”Why do you read my diary!\” The mother didn\’t take it seriously: \”I gave birth to you, and I can\’t read it? \”Many years have passed since this incident, and his parents have long forgotten it, but as soon as he thinks of it, the feeling of shame will come back immediately. Secrets are a child\’s psychological defense. Only by cherishing a child\’s secrets can the child gain self-esteem. If you always expose your child\’s secrets without mercy, you will not only hurt the child\’s fragile heart, but also lose the child\’s trust in you. Every child has his or her own inner world, and parents need to protect it with their children, which will play an important role in the child\’s lifelong development. Bottom line 4: Don’t settle old scores, and don’t repeatedly mention your child’s mistakes. A netizen once posted a message asking for help: Mom always likes to settle old scores, what should I do? When she was a child, she once stole a dollar from home to buy candy, but was later discovered by her mother. After being severely punished, she admitted her mistake and promised never to steal money again. She thought the matter would just go away, but she didn\’t know that as long as things at home were missing, her mother would use this matter to scold her and humiliate her. Every child will do something wrong and have old things that they don\’t want to be mentioned: jokes they made at school, making a fool of themselves in a performance, wetting the bed at home when they were children… These \”ugly things\” are revealed, just like scars are uncovered. Revealing it generally makes the child feel that as long as he makes a mistake, he will never be able to get rid of it. That sense of shame is a repeated torture for the child\’s self-esteem. Over time, some children will choose to give up on themselves, give up their self-esteem, and become numb. Bottom line 5: Don’t make “one-for-one” comparisons. Many parents have this experience: comparing the children of relatives and friends with their own children. The intention is not to hurt the children, but to motivate them, but The end result is always unsatisfactory. I once saw a mother criticizing her child: \”My childI\’m younger than you, but I\’ve won so many firsts, look at you! Have you ever made your mother and I feel ashamed? After hearing this, the boy said angrily: \”Then you go and be the mother of someone else\’s child!\” \”In the process of raising children, parents often lack appreciation for their children. Instead, they are always full of praise for other people\’s children. Their own children are never as satisfied as other people\’s children. In the end, it hurts the children\’s self-esteem and destroys them. Children\’s self-confidence. As it is said in the book \”The Law of Raising Excellent Children\”: Self-esteem is like the backbone of a person. When parents use beatings, scolding and malicious criticism to beat their children\’s self-esteem until it disappears, they also hope that they will learn and make progress. , this in itself is a joke of \”the opposite\”. The comparison of \”step on one and hold one on one\” makes children belittle themselves. Deep in their hearts, doubts about their self-worth often arise, making it difficult for them to confidently hold their heads high and move forward. Give If your child saves face, the child will be grateful to you. Writer Sanmao once told the story of stealing money in her article \”Cowards\”: One Sunday, she walked into her mother\’s bedroom and saw a red note lying on the chest of drawers – five 5 yuan. At that time, five yuan could satisfy all the wishes and happiness of a child. Sanmao struggled for a moment and hid the 5 yuan. His mother was very anxious when she found that the money was missing, and Sanmao was still distracted all day long. , did not dare to go back to the room, did not dare to buy anything, did not dare to talk to anyone, and quietly squatted in the yard and played in the mud. In the end, she could not bear the pain, put the money back again, and breathed a long sigh of relief. In fact, the father on the side had already seen through his daughter. But he did not reveal it. Instead, he gave her some pocket money and bought her a box of imported candies a week later. Sanmao was ashamed of her father\’s thoughtfulness. On the one hand, I was moved. This past event passed lightly with the kindness of my parents. Every child will make mistakes, and if you want your children to learn their mistakes and correct them, you don’t always need to scold and humiliate them. On the contrary, Give your children more patience and time, and gently remind them that most children can learn to reflect on themselves. Smart parents will protect their children\’s face. A child who is frightened after making a mistake will be full of confidence in you if you know how to maintain his self-esteem. Thank you. We have all been children, and we all know what kind of words and things adults say and do will make children sad. So when it comes to self-esteem, don’t think that children are small, have no self-esteem, and have no sense of shame. Self-esteem is not something adults can do. There will be things, and it is the responsibility of parents to protect their children\’s self-esteem. A psychologist once used a balloon to vividly describe children\’s self-esteem: \”A balloon without air is worthless, but if it is filled with too much air, it is worthless.\” It will burst easily; only when it is inflated not too much and not too little can it be both ornamental and safe. \”Building appropriate self-esteem is a lifelong issue for children. As parents, we must know how to respect our children and provide nourishment for their children\’s healthy mental growth, at least not to break their children\’s hearts early in their childhood.