The best methods and experiences in educating children

When raising children, parents are bound to lose their temper. Excellent parents never use emotions to educate their children, but use wisdom to guide their children. \”Why is mom angry? Don\’t you have any points? If you don\’t…will mom lose her temper?\” This is what I have heard since I was a child. I am so familiar with it that I thought it was a reasonable logic – I am angry and lose my temper because of You\’re not good! I was forced! Ashamed and frustrated children are here for the weekend, and playgrounds are the first place for mothers to relax. There are an endless stream of children here every day. I went there with the purpose of relaxing myself, but I was really taught a lesson by two mothers! A group of children are playing on a slide. The rules are very clear: top to bottom, line up, no pushing. However, children always seem to find unusual ways of playing interesting. A few 5 or 6-year-old boys always swim against the current, and they rush upward suddenly. It is conceivable that a collision is bound to happen. A boy, let’s call him Little C, was knocked down by a child sliding down. His chin hit the slide, and his knee hit the child’s stomach hard. The exclamations of the two mothers attracted a lot of attention, and I was no exception. Fortunately, the two adults were very sensible. Little C\’s mother kept apologizing and comforting the other party. After the other party left, Little C\’s mother took him aside for education. \”How old are you? Don\’t you know the rules of the Naughty Castle game? If someone gets hurt, you will look better! If you don\’t do this again, stop playing!\” Little C nodded obediently in agreement, and then continued to play selflessly, but soon He started swimming upstream again. Fortunately, there was no collision this time, but his mother was furious. Little C\’s mother yelled, and Little C immediately came down and walked to her side. What she received was a powerful kick. \”Don\’t you have any brains?\” Little C said cautiously: \”Mom, don\’t be angry!\” How to educate children to develop good qualities? Take a look at these 6 Oscar-winning animated short films. \”I\’m not angry? Do I want to be angry? If you don\’t do that, will I be angry? Do you have to lose your temper so that you can remember it!\” He said and pushed the child. Little C blinked and said to his mother, \”I\’m sorry, Mom, I don\’t dare to do it anymore.\” But the mother still asked the child to leave immediately, muttering, \”You can\’t let people give you a good look, you have to force me to go crazy…\” Little C\’s back was completely different from the cheerful one just now, with weak steps and a depressed head. , I think he must be very depressed and ashamed at this time… The children who have been \”educated\” but are still happy come up one after another. The same thing happened to another child not long after, let\’s call him Xiao D. His swimming upstream almost caused his tongue to bleed, and at the same time caused a group of children to crowd at the entrance of the slide. Little D was unaware of the problem and was playing with great interest. But his mother felt very embarrassed. She anxiously called her child to leave the slide and queue up, but the child insisted on occupying a slide by himself. People around started talking, and the mother rushed over in anger, grabbed her arm and ears and pulled the child down! The mother and son stopped next to me. My mother asked little D to stand still and looked at her. They were silent for a minute. I looked to the other side in embarrassment, but my ears could not help but stand up high, secretly thinking that this child was in trouble!\”Mom, don\’t be angry.\” Little D spoke first. \”Why is mom angry? Didn\’t you count? If you don\’t…will mom lose her temper?\” I expected to hear such words, but little D\’s mother didn\’t. She took a deep breath and said, \”Mom is really angry because I couldn\’t get a response even after I shouted many times. Mom feels disrespected, embarrassed and loses face!\” Little D paused for a while and said, \”Mom , I understand, if you call me from now on, I will promise you, I\’m sorry.\” His voice sounded serious. \”Okay, mom really needs you to respect me and respond to me. Sometimes what I say is very important! But mom also has to say sorry. Just now, mom was too anxious and attacked you.\” Little D seemed to complain a little bit. This is the second time you\’ve hit me this week!\” \”Yes, mom should not lose her temper and use hands-on methods to solve problems. Mom still needs to improve in managing emotions. Are you willing to help mom? For example, if you tell mom you It’s a kind of help to me.” I went through this sentence again in my mind, and it felt very strange and novel, and also felt inexplicably comfortable. I couldn\’t help but turn my head to see this \”talking\” mother clearly. She must be very beautiful. After little D agreed to his mother, he happily got into the naughty castle like a bird. Unlike little A, he followed the rules. He was still playing happily until I took the child away… Who should treat your emotions? Responsible? Obviously they were educated, but Little C and Little D had completely different reactions. Excluding the difference in tone and attitude between the two mothers, what struck me deeply was the gap between the two mothers’ educational stances! The first mother made her child think that she was angry because the child was not behaving well, and that she lost her temper because the child was difficult to manage. The second mother objectively told her child that his behavior made her feel angry and why, but she lost her temper because she was not able to manage her emotions well. Two different interpretations of why adults get angry and lose their temper. One puts the blame for emotions on the child, making the child feel bad, guilty, and ashamed. The other way is to let children understand that their actions will bring different emotional feelings to others, and at the same time, it will not make children excessively blame themselves and feel guilty. American psychologist Ellis proposed a famous \”ABC Theory of Emotions\”: A – refers to unpleasant things, B – refers to people\’s beliefs, C – refers to imaginary consequences. Different beliefs will lead to different results. For example, the company organizes team building on weekends (A). Some people are happy, some people are depressed, and everyone has different emotions (C). Why? Of course, it’s because our childhood thoughts (B) about team building (A) are different. Therefore, some of the children’s behaviors will only trigger our emotions and determine whether we are angry, angry, calm, or helpless. is what we think! It is us, not the children, who are most responsible for our emotions. It\’s a pity that I didn\’t understand this truth when I was a child, so for more than 30 years, I often felt guilty and self-blame because of my parents\’ sad faces and irritability. Of course, this is not what touched me the most. What touched me most was the sincerity of Little D’s mother. Tell the child what his behavior made him feel, and explainreason. Be able to admit your shortcomings generously, tell your children that you lose your temper and solve problems roughly because you need to improve your emotional management, not because your children are forcing you to do so, and invite your children to help you. How relaxed and fulfilling this makes a child feel, and the child’s empathy will certainly not be bad in the future!