How to cultivate the ability of delayed gratification in infants and young children

From 1966 to 1970, Walter Mischel, a psychology professor at Stanford University, designed a famous experiment. The researchers found more than 600 children, aged between 4 and 5 years old, divided into groups of dozens of children. And put them in a small room with only a table and a stool. There are marshmallows on the table that they love to eat. The researchers told them: You can eat it right away, but you can only get 1 marshmallow; wait until the researcher comes back and eat again, and you can get 2 marshmallows. This waiting time is generally 15 minutes. As a result, most of the children ate their marshmallows before the researchers returned. Only about 1/3 of the children waited until 15 minutes. These children who persisted to the end, some closed their eyes, some pretended to sleep, some talked to themselves or sang to distract themselves, and they received a more generous reward-2 marshmallows. Professor Mitchell continued to follow the children who participated in the experiment until they graduated from high school and even after they were 35 years old. The indicators of these tracking studies include their SAT scores, educational achievements, physical health index, interpersonal relationships, etc. Methods and techniques for managing children’s emotions Parenting books How to cultivate children with high emotional intelligence Ultra-clear PDF Research results show: Those children who can wait and finally eat two candies have the ability to temporarily sacrifice for bigger and further goals The ability to benefit immediately, that is, self-control. Children who are eager to eat a piece of candy are more stubborn, vain or indecisive. When desire arises, they cannot control themselves and must satisfy their desire immediately, otherwise they will not be able to calm down and continue to do the next thing. Children who are good at waiting are more successful on various indicators. This is the famous \”marshmallow experiment\”. 01The “delayed gratification” marshmallow experiment in life is also known as the “delayed gratification experiment”. This is what we understand as “patience”. \”If some children can control themselves and get more marshmallows, then they can study instead of watching TV,\” Michelle said. \”In the future, he will also save more money for retirement. He will get not only Just marshmallows.” Think about it, when children want to watch TV, do parents satisfy them immediately, or encourage them to \”delay gratification\”? When a child sees a toy in the store and cries and wants it, should we buy it for them immediately? The appeal of parent-child reading will never be as attractive as electronic products that can provide \”instant gratification\”. How do we shift children\’s attention to books? I still remember that when my children were four or five years old and their teeth were changing, they loved to eat sweets, and their teeth showed some signs of deterioration. My father and I repeatedly told him that eating sweets may cause his teeth to \”all break\” and he may even be unable to eat in the future. However, saying this doesn\’t work for children. It\’s not that they don\’t know the disadvantages, but they just can\’t control themselves and resist the temptation of candy. This kind of lack of self-control behavior may not be a big deal to us at ordinary times. But it actually plays an important role in the growth of children. 02How important is delayed gratification? The so-called delayed gratification is to pursue greater goals.Target, obtain greater benefits, restrain your desires, and resist the temptation in front of you. For example: If you want to become a scholar, you must read many large research works and slowly form your own system. This process is very boring and long. Far less satisfying than sleeping in or going out to party. If you want to be an athlete, you have to endure overload of daily training and wait for quality to change. While your peers are enjoying themselves, you still have to practice for ten years. When Academician Wang Xuan, known as the \”Father of Chinese Character Laser Phototypesetting\”, first started to invest in the research of laser phototypesetting, almost no one was optimistic about this field. But he has been working day and night for more than 10 years, giving up almost all holidays. Finally, China\’s first principle prototype of computer laser Chinese character phototypesetting system was developed. And \”some functions have reached the international advanced level.\” Many big goals in life are long-term. In the process of pursuing goals, we often experience hardship, hard work, monotony, disgust, boredom, etc. If we are easily tempted by the outside world, lack self-control, and pursue immediate enjoyment, then the goals will never be completed. Many parents know the importance of emotional intelligence. The essence of emotional intelligence is to control one\’s emotions and desires. From this point of view, having the emotional intelligence of \”delayed gratification\” may be more important than IQ. CCTV Recommendation: More than 500 high-scoring excellent documentaries are recommended. Children will become addicted to self-discipline after watching the pattern. 03 How to cultivate children\’s \”delayed gratification ability\”. Children before the age of 3 do not need to cultivate this kind of self-control. Parents should also try their best to meet their children\’s needs for love and attachment, feed them when they are hungry, and hug them when they cry. From 3 to 5 years old, children begin to have social needs, and at this time the main focus is on establishing rules. For example, when and how long to watch TV every day, you need to establish rules with your children. For children after the age of 5, we must pay attention to cultivating their \”ability to delay waiting.\” The following methods can be used as a reference: (1) Avoid temptation. In the \”marshmallow experiment\”, some children covered their eyes with their hands or hid the marshmallow in order to make themselves wait longer. This is the method of avoiding temptation. \”When we can\’t see temptation, it\’s hard to be tempted.\” In life, parents can hide electronic products, put snacks in the cabinet, or avoid using electronic products in front of their children. lure. I remember when I was a child, my parents used various methods to prevent me from watching TV, such as hiding the remote control or turning off the power switch. (2) Actively divert attention. When children are faced with temptation, it is also a good way to sing a song or think of interesting things to divert their attention. The trick with this method is to think of \”positive things\” rather than \”negative things.\” The latter only leads us to comfort ourselves with instant gratification. (3) Autosuggestion In the original experiment, some children repeatedly muttered to themselves: I have to wait so that I can get 2 marshmallows. This kind of self-suggestion method allows children to wait longer. If the next time the child wants something immediately, the parentYou can teach your children this cue to repeat and remember. (4) Do some seemingly difficult work with your children. Some things seem difficult and may not be able to achieve the goal for the time being, so children tend to be afraid of difficulties and do not start doing them. In the book \”GRIT\” (Grit), the author Angela Duckworth said that she set a rule for her children: no matter what you start to learn, you must study for at least 1-2 years before giving up. Don\’t give up halfway. When children learn piano or dance, it may be difficult to learn at first and they don’t see progress, so they want to give up. In fact, sometimes, it’s just a matter of persevering through the difficult stages at the beginning. We might as well set this rule for our children: As long as you start doing something, try to complete it for a full year. Or, if you start something, do it until it is finished, and don’t give up halfway. 04Watch picture books about “delayed gratification” with your children. What are some picture books about “delayed gratification”? The most typical book of \”Don\’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus\” is \”Don\’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus\”! There is a rule in the book: no one else can drive the bus. No matter how much the pigeon begs, always obey this rule. Until the driver comes back. We might as well play the role of the dove and the person being prayed for in the book with our children, so that the children know that not everything can be obtained by crying! The book \”Mama\’s Red Couch\” tells the story of a little girl whose home burned to ashes after a fire, and then they rebuilt it. After all the furniture they had worked so hard to accumulate was burned, the family members still maintained an optimistic attitude: Fortunately, everyone was fine. It’s hard to start over, and the satisfaction doesn’t come quickly. But the family lived frugally and finally relied on their own efforts to buy a beautiful and comfortable red sofa. After reading this book, you can also guide your child to save money to get something he particularly wants. This can also foster his sense of delayed gratification. The most important way to cultivate delayed gratification is of course for parents to lead by example. The process of parenting is inherently a process of \”delayed gratification\”. Our parent-child reading and our patience will not be rewarded immediately, but they will not be let down in the end. This is what parents often say, \”just wait for the flowers to bloom\”! Successful people often focus on long-term goals. They can spend 5, 10, or 15 years doing something. People who fail only focus on short-term happiness and enjoyment. Victory often belongs to those who work tirelessly and are good at waiting.