Insights on kind but firm positive discipline

The reason why parents like to use punishment to educate their children is because it is easy and effective in the short term. They are worried that if they do not punish, they will pamper their children, they are afraid of losing control of their children, they are afraid of not fulfilling the responsibilities of parents and teachers, and finally The important thing is not to know what other means besides punishment. 1. Parents swing between strictness and arrogance. Most parents are either too strict or too arrogant. Being very firm when being harsh, but then feeling regretful afterwards, and then compensating for the child through pampering. When adults use excessive control to discipline their children, the children rely on \”external control\” and the adults are always responsible for their children\’s behavior. The most common methods of excessive control used by parents and teachers are rewards and punishments. In this way, adults must catch children\’s good behavior at any time and reward it, and catch children\’s bad behavior at any time and punish them. Who is taking responsibility? Obviously an adult! So what happens when adults aren’t around? Children do not learn to take responsibility for their own actions. The most typical example is that many outstanding students become addicted to games after going to college without the constraints of their parents and teachers. These controlling parents deny their children the opportunity to develop their own sense of responsibility. At the same time, arrogance also teaches children to be irresponsible, and both adults and children give up their responsibilities. 2. What is kind but firm? \”Kind but firm\” is a discipline method that is neither harsh nor arrogant. You may think that this is too mediocre and has no meaning for behavioral guidance. Don’t worry, let’s analyze it in depth together. First we need to clearly, accurately and necessarily define the concept. Before defining \”kind and firm\”, let us first clarify what \”kind and firm\” is not. \”Being kind\” does not mean pleasing children, nor does it mean not letting children have any disappointment. This is not \”kindness\” but \”arrogance\”. Kindness equals respect, which means respect for the child, respect for ourselves, and respect for the needs of the situation. \”Firm\” does not mean punishment, preaching, or other forms of control. Firmness and kindness, when combined, mean respect for the child, for yourself, and for the situation. Pampering and not letting children down is not respect and will only deprive children of the opportunity to develop \”resistance to frustration.\” The kind and firm way to educate is to set reasonable limits for children and stick to them on the premise of respecting the children and ourselves. When the child is unwilling to perform, first express your understanding of the child\’s feelings: \”I can see that you are disappointed (or angry, upset, etc.)\”, and then believe that the child can withstand the setback and develop confidence in himself. . Positive Discipline e-book download [HD scanned version, a must-have for parents] 3. Is it feasible to have one parent be kind and the other to be firm? We often see one parent tending to be too lenient and the other tending to be too strict. The lenient parent feels that he should be more lenient to make up for the other\’s harshness and harshness. The stern person feels that he should be more stern to make up for the other\’s clinginess and overly lenient nature. As a result, their differences grew and they fought over who was right and who was wrong. In fact, both of themAll methods are invalid. A good way to help children and parents communicate effectively is to hold regular family meetings so that the whole family has the opportunity to brainstorm solutions to problems at weekly family meetings and choose from them that are suitable for all family members. Respectful approach. Focusing on solving problems is the best way for two \”opposite\” parents to get closer to each other, support each other, and work together to help their children. 4. Summary One of the most important concepts for effective discipline is: children are more willing to follow rules that they themselves participate in making. When children learn to be contributing members of their families, classes, and society, they will become efficient decision-makers with healthy self-concepts. This is an important long-term effect of positive discipline. The four criteria for effective discipline are: 1) Is it kind but firm? Be respectful and encouraging to your children. 2) Does it help children feel a sense of belonging and worth? 3) Is it effective in the long term? Punishment is effective in the short term, but it has negative effects in the long term; 4) Can it teach children valuable social skills and cultivate good character?