How do children become strong and independent when they grow up?

When a child grows up, the responsibility of parents is not only to raise the child, but also to lead the child to become an independent and mentally strong person. This is also what I feel in the process of raising children and reading books. As a parent, how you educate your children will determine what kind of person your children will become in the future. Let me share with you below. As children grow up, what four methods should parents use to raise strong and independent children? Being a grateful person, not a benefactor. As parents, in the process of raising children, we should not put ourselves in the role of benefactors, but in the role of grateful ones. The role of the benefactor: Let the children remember our kindness and always obey us. Because we have devoted a lot to our children, we feel that the children should also listen to us. If the children do not listen, they are disobedient. As everyone knows, this is a mentality in which efforts are immediately rewarded, and it even includes the desire to control children, treating children as private property. If the child is always raised in this way, will the child be happy? Obviously not, and even because of the control and authority of parents, children will lose their freedom and rebellious psychology. The role of a grateful person: We are grateful to our children for choosing us. Because of having children, we realize the true meaning and meaning of life, and even more so because of having children. Only in new relationships can we continue to learn and improve ourselves. It is precisely because of new relationships that we can make our lives complete. Parents have different mentality and treat their children in different ways. When the children grow up, their mentality and mind will also be different. I was a little ashamed of my role as a child. I initially treated the child with the attitude of a benefactor. When the child did not listen to me or obey orders, I would be extremely angry. Later, when I saw the changes in my child\’s personality and the parenting books, I realized how terrible and inappropriate my actions were, and I began to reflect on it. The children came into this world through me, but they do not belong to me. They belong to independent individuals, and I should let them go appropriately. Instead of asking my children to listen to me in everything, I want to be respectful and grateful, and grateful that they choose us to be their parents. Be a companion, not an educator. As our children grow up, as parents, we should become their children\’s companions, not the so-called educators. A child\’s childhood only lasts a few years. It goes by so quickly and the child grows up. Therefore, cherish the time in front of you and spend time with your child. Be more tolerant and accepting of your children, instead of yelling and blaming them to make them obey if they are disobedient and make a fuss. I have been a little tired recently, so I asked my husband to take my second child back to my hometown for half a month. I thought that I would be relaxed and happy when the child came home. Unexpectedly, the first few days and five days were fine, but then I started to miss my child very much, but I felt tired, so I never went back to my hometown to pick him up. For half a month, I didn\’t feel happy at all, but felt empty in my heart. Especially after my husband brought my second child, it was filled instantly. It was also that time that I deeply realized that it was not that my children could not live without me, but that I could not live without my children, and I wanted to accompany my children to grow up. It was also at that moment that I began to look at the mistakes my children made with tolerance, acceptance and appreciation, instead of just blaming them. A child’s childhood only lasts a few years, so instead of talking about it every dayIt’s hard to take care of children if they don’t obey you. It’s better to cherish the present and patiently accompany your children to grow up. It is said in the book \”It\’s Better to Understand Children than to Manage Children\”: When we stop preaching endlessly, children will automatically take off the armor of rebellion; when we take off the colored glasses of \”educators\”, children will no longer be The \”educated\” who are full of shortcomings and faults. Therefore, we must appreciate our children with appreciative eyes, use our ears to listen to their children\’s voices, and use our soft tongues and gentle words to communicate with them gently. Only in this way will the child\’s heart be filled with strength and love. A German mother’s experience in teaching integrity and self-discipline: Teach good children who are strong + independent + tolerant + frugal to be helpers, not managers. In the process of raising children, as parents, we should become helpers to our children, not so-called Manager of children. Helpers are parents who can appreciate and encourage their children, put their children first in life, and let their children make their own decisions in small matters. Respect and help can make children better themselves. The role of the manager: No matter what the children do, they must center on the parents’ ideas and never listen to the children’s opinions. The children must listen to whatever the parents ask the children to do and cannot have their own ideas and opinions. If parents educate their children as managers, they will only educate children who are dependent on their parents, and may even cause children to lose their ability to be independent. When setbacks and adversity come, the child will become helpless and at a loss, because long-term dependence has made him not know how to solve problems. The day before yesterday, I went downstairs to chat with a mother-in-law. She said that she and her mother-in-law had been having a hard time lately, and she felt that spending time with her husband was boring. She wants a divorce, but doesn\’t want to tell her mother. She feels that he has always listened to her mother since she was a child, including getting married. Ever since she was little, she has always done everything wrong as a mother. For this reason, she no longer expresses her opinions, but obediently follows her parents\’ ideas. Now she is encountering problems in her marriage, and she wants to try to solve them on her own. She wants to get out of her mother\’s control, but she doesn\’t know how to solve them. For this reason, she feels very painful and helpless. When children grow up, if they lack opportunities for trial and error, they will encounter setbacks and hardships when they grow up. These setbacks and hardships will only make them lose courage and even feel that they are worthless. Then I can only live in the shadow of my parents, helplessly. On the contrary, helpers will boldly let go when their children need to let go, allowing them to dare to be themselves and make decisions for themselves. In the end, children become better versions of themselves because of their parents\’ letting go and helping them. Be a sharer, not a judge. Be a sharer for your children: Have we discovered a phenomenon: when children come back from school, they always like to share with you a bunch of things that we find boring but that he finds interesting, and he talks about them with gusto. Sometimes when I hear something that feels wrong, I am eager to give my child’s opinion so that my child can identify with my own values ​​and follow their own ideas. For example, Dabao shared with me a few days ago that there was a classmate in the class who always ate the teacher’s leftovers and did not listen carefully in class. If I had not read this passage in the book before, I might have been eager to express my opinion and act as a judge.But after reading books on this subject, I realized that the child was just telling me interesting things, and when she told me, she knew that her classmates were not behaving correctly. So, I don’t need to ask again, is what he did right? Let children manage their skills independently and arrange their time reasonably. All three volumes in PDF \”It\’s Better to Understand Children than to Manage Children\” say: Parents are never willing to listen to their children\’s sharing of feelings, criticize and judge their children at every turn, and love to give their children advice. They always want to appear to know more and have higher moral standards than their children. Your dissatisfaction with your children is actually a reflection of your dissatisfaction with yourself. Therefore, on the way children grow up, they should not be benefactors, but grateful ones; not be educators, but companions; not be managers, but helpers; not be critics, but sharers. Parents\’ life positioning will determine the future life of their children.