How to raise happy children

CCTV host Li Xiaomeng once shared a mother\’s story, which moved me deeply. This mother, in order to accompany her son to grow up, has been working at home. The family\’s income mainly came from his father\’s job. When he was at his poorest, the family only had a few dozen yuan left to survive. But the mother never complained about her efforts or talked about all kinds of truths with her son. Instead, she always taught her son to look on the bright side. When her son was in his senior year of high school, he tied his legs to the legs of a table in order to focus on his studies. When she saw it, she told her son: \”If you pass the exam, you can pass it. If you don\’t pass the exam, our family owns land. If you don\’t want to farm and go out to work, you can still repeat your studies. Don\’t make it so difficult for yourself.\” In order to relieve her son\’s stress, she also deliberately changed the topic: \”Which classmate in the class do you like recently? Mom will help you chase him.\” In this relaxed atmosphere, her son finally entered a key university and is now a teacher at Shenzhen University. After her son went to college, the mother went out to be a confinement nanny and lived happily every day. Regarding this mother, I thought of a very popular Internet buzzword: relaxation. This is a particularly warm, positive, and comfortable way of raising children. Not only can it nourish the child\’s heart, but it can also give the child a sense of happiness, security, and the energy to fight against negative emotions. For children, having a pair of parents who have a sense of relaxation is the greatest blessing. Children will be happier if they don’t blame them when things go wrong. I once watched a video. A family celebrated a girl\’s birthday, and her aunt accidentally broke the girl\’s cake while sitting on it. Even if the aunt didn\’t mean it, because she didn\’t know that someone had put a cake on her chair; even if the aunt\’s own dress was ruined; even if the aunt apologized to the girl immediately and comforted her. But the whole family was like holding a criticism meeting, constantly blaming the aunt, as if the aunt had made such an unforgivable mistake. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Netizens in the comment area lamented: It’s so suffocating! Yes, a small unexpected incident has revealed a common problem in many families: when something goes wrong, they immediately blame, lose their temper, complain, and attack. I think of a magazine that launched a solicitation for readers last year: \”Is there a moment that made you realize that it doesn\’t matter?\” Sharing by many netizens allows us to see that a home can be free of accusations, anxiety, and internal friction. , only the love that lingers between each other. Netizen @林林林 lost his first mobile phone when he was in junior high school. At that time, her family\’s financial situation was not good, and the cost of a mobile phone was equivalent to the family\’s monthly living expenses. One can imagine how scared she was. So when she tremblingly ran to the canteen and called her mother to tell her, she started crying before she even said the words out of fear of being blamed. Unexpectedly, her mother did not complain at all, but comforted her: \”As long as the person is not lost, just buy another one if you lose the mobile phone.\” She said: \”The tranquility and peace at that moment were like the blooming flowers glimpsed after the storm, beautiful It also brings courage to people.\” What is a relaxed parent? Just change what can be changed, accept what cannot be changed, and see the good side of even the worst things. What you bring to your children will always be a sense of peace of mind.Sleep. Netizen @Keke, when he was studying in Beijing, he had some conflicts with his classmates, and as a result, the school invited his parents. After running and tossing for more than 1,000 kilometers, his father did not scold him. Instead, after finishing the matter, she said to him: \”If it weren\’t for your fight, I wouldn\’t have had the chance to come to Beijing. You should get a good education. I\’ll go to the Summer Palace tomorrow. Don\’t think too much about it.\” In one sentence, he warmed his heart for a long time. . There is no harsh preaching, only gentle and silent nourishment. This is actually the difference in family atmosphere. Families full of tension and constant internal friction over trivial matters make children anxious and depressed. Parents with a \”sense of relaxation\”, who are emotionally stable and optimistic, will create a peaceful, pleasant and relaxed family atmosphere and give their children full love and acceptance. Children who grow up in this kind of atmosphere are relaxed and stretched, able to explore themselves freely, and have the ability to manage happiness. There is no anxiety in education, and children will go further. A blogger once talked about his experience in studying on Weibo. In the second year of junior high school, he performed abnormally in the exam and his grades dropped to outside the top ten. If it were an ordinary mother, she would either scold her or put extra pressure on her child to study. But his mother encouraged him: \”It\’s amazing to get more than 80 points on such a difficult question.\” After that, she took him to buy delicious food. why? Mom\’s answer made people feel soft in their hearts: \”To celebrate your first test score of over 80, unlock a new experience in life!\” In his senior year of high school, his results in the first and second model exams were not satisfactory, and he was worried that he would not be able to pass the exam. The mood was very low for a while. After his mother found out, she comforted him like this: \”It doesn\’t matter if you can\’t get a first degree, but it\’s okay to get a second degree. As long as you are healthy and happy.\” He once asked his mother why he didn\’t have requirements for him like other parents. , what are you looking forward to? What my mother said was very touching: \”You are already under a lot of study pressure. If I put more pressure on you, I won\’t crush you!\” I remembered Professor Peng Kaiping\’s words: \”The most anxiety-provoking part of this society is Education is one of them.\” Tight parents, coupled with an involutionary environment, can easily create depressed children. Relaxed parents will not work too hard in education and subject their children to high pressure and burden. Instead, they will relax their children, give them support, and be their children\’s support. I think of Li Liunan, the author of \”Mother\’s Letter of Repentance\”. As a mother of chicken babies, she once pushed her two children very hard. No matter what the children do or say, it always brings the topic back to learning. Under her training, the two children\’s grades were indeed outstanding, but the children lived extremely depressed lives. In the end, they both suffered from mental illness and dropped out of school. After some struggle, learning, and reflection, she began to let go of her anxiety, lower her expectations, and slow down her pace. After that, she no longer confined her children to a four-foot-square desk, but allowed them to have time to develop their own interests and hobbies. She no longer always belittles and denies, but often gives affirmation and encouragement so that children can develop a sense of self-worth. She no longer just focuses on the results, but focuses on the children\’s efforts and progress and stimulates the children\’s inner drive. In this relaxed environment, her children became more independent and confident, self-discipline, and now they are all shining in the fields they like. I have read a sentence: A good education does not require too much effort. Learning is a long-distance race. The starting line is very short, but the long one is the whole life. Education that is full of relaxation can give children the best nourishment. When parents provide support and tolerance and allow children to go their own way at their own pace, children can achieve self-growth in the most comfortable and relaxed state. The parent-child relationship is not controlled, and the child is more willing to be intimate. In the TV series \”Centimeter of Love\”, there is a mother who loves her son very much, but also hurts him deeply. On weekdays, she takes care of her son meticulously, and at the same time, she is strict and tight with him. She was worried that her son would not be able to eat well, so she rented a house near the hospital where her son worked and made soup and cooked meals for her son every day. She didn\’t want her son to be alone, so she kept introducing partners to her son. However, when her son\’s relationship was in full swing, she felt left out and broke up her son\’s relationship time and time again. In the end, her son was driven almost crazy by her, but she complained full of grievance: \”You don\’t listen to mom? I just want to be a good mother…\” What she didn\’t know was that her airtight sense of control, things Any sense of dedication, no matter how big or small, is a killer of the parent-child relationship. The philosopher Schopenhauer once proposed the \”hedgehog effect\”, which means that hedgehogs stay close to each other to keep warm when the weather is cold, but in order to avoid stabbing each other, they must keep a certain distance. This distance is actually the sense of relaxation in the relationship: parents are independent individuals and must allow their children to grow independently. \”People\” magazine once interviewed such a mother and daughter. Mother Hu Yongping said: \”Being a mother requires dedication, but not sacrifice.\” She has always been very clear about her position: she is a mother, and she is herself. Therefore, when her marriage was not harmonious, she decisively divorced; she didn’t want to do a job where she could see the end at a glance, so she quit her job and drifted north alone; she would not compromise her life because of her daughter. She enjoys freedom and gives her daughter enough freedom: she allows her to fall in love prematurely, she can decide her own hairstyle, she can call her by her name, she can get tattoos after the age of 18, and she can do whatever she wants without breaking the law. . She was also very casual in raising her daughter: she would not take meticulous care of her daughter\’s food and daily life; her daughter was going to study in the UK after graduating from high school, but her daughter said she didn\’t need to send her away, so she actually went cross-country with her friends. CCTV recommends over 500 high-scoring excellent documentaries. The child watched the pattern explode and become addicted to self-discipline. There is no sacrifice and dedication, no control and restraint, but it is this relaxed relationship that cultivates the daughter\’s independence and independence. Advocacy nourishes her daughter’s strong heart. Not only that, the relationship between mother and daughter is extremely close. They get along easily like friends, and they talk about everything like they have been friends for many years. There is a sentence in the book \”Love and Freedom\”: The responsibility of parents is to provide a safe environment for their children with love, but as for how to explore the world, that is the child\’s freedom. A good parent-child relationship has its own sense of relaxation. Three points of care, moderate intimacy, seven points of respect, and mutual independence. Parents have their own pursuits, and children have their own freedom, respect each other, grow with each other, and do not cross boundaries or control. Only then can children get real happiness and the parent-child relationship can be intimate and harmonious. \”Kraft on the Shore\”There is a passage in \”Kard\”: \”A child is like a small sapling, and the family environment is the water for irrigation. If the water quality is too poor, the sapling will not only fail to become a towering tree, but will also die.\” Parents are the guides of their children. The family is a child\’s first living environment. Parents\’ attitude towards life and emotional management greatly affect the direction of their children\’s life. When parents are not tense and anxious, children can be optimistic and open-minded, and can face any difficulties positively; when parents are not anxious and internally dissatisfied, children can go into battle easily and take their own path in life; when parents do not control or restrict, children can have a rich heart. ,Farther. Good parents don\’t need to use too much force, but need to use love, and more importantly, they need a sense of relaxation to let nature take its course. Click \”Like\”, I hope parents can relax their nerves, cultivate their mentality, give their children real care and attention, give them a tolerant environment and care, so that their children can grow up freely and happily.