How to raise children to be happy people

There is a passage in the book \”The Neglected Child\”: \”A child\’s emotions are like flowing water, the source is his heart. If an obstacle is placed in front of the water, the water will either bypass the obstacle and change the direction of flow. Or it has to flow back to the source, which also means that the child inflicts emotions on himself and hurts himself.\” Where a child\’s emotions flow is particularly important, and when it comes to children, the emotional value that parents can provide is a parent-child relationship. the most precious treasure in the world. In the parent-child relationship, emotional value is worth thousands of dollars. I saw a mother sharing her daily life with her son online. In every little thing, it is not difficult to find that she is a good provider of emotional value to her children. The child said: \”Mom, we went to the mysterious classroom today.\” Me: \”Wow, that\’s so cool. It\’s exciting to listen to.\” He: \”Mom, I\’m angry with you.\” I (not in a hurry to explain and Reasonable): \”Is Baofeng angry or just normal?\” Him: \”Just normal.\” Me: \”Thankfully you told your mom, otherwise mom wouldn\’t realize that my behavior made you angry.\” He (quarreling with dad): \”Mom, dad just #=@!$+.=?/$%;\” I (hugging him): \”You feel dad doesn\’t understand you, right?\” Him: \”Yes , Dad thinks I am like this, but I am not.\” Me: \”I will definitely be very angry if I am misunderstood. Do you feel better now?\” He (nodding) immediately walked away to play… She found: In terms of emotional expression, The child is perfect in front of her. Because the feedback she gives to her children is to respond to everything, the children are very positive, sunny, and willing to listen to other people\’s ideas. A mother in the comment area also felt the same way: I understand you so well! One time my son asked me, Mom, to help me build Lego blocks. I readily agreed. He hugged me and said, \”Mom, I think this is the best day of my life!\” I said, \”Why do you say that? Really?\” (It\’s just a Lego building, why do you sigh so much?) He said: \”Originally, some unhappy things happened to me at school today, but you agreed to accompany me to build Lego, and all my unhappiness disappeared.\” This thing moved me so much! Normally at this point, I would refuse his request because I had to cook. Fortunately, my choice this time was to absorb the child\’s emotions and not make his dark moment worse. I found that no, children actually don’t care about right and wrong. Sometimes adults are like this too. It\’s enough to be affirmed and there\’s no need to say anything more. Parents\’ emotional and emotional support for their children can dissipate most of the darkness in their lives. In the parent-child relationship, the value of emotions seems to be far beyond our imagination. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Only by catching the children\’s emotions can we hold each other\’s hearts. Emotional misreading pushes us further and further away. Many children online complain about their parents: they often cry to their parents: \”So sleepy, so tired…\” Parents usually reply: \”Then what should I do? Not everyone is the same.\” Is that so? Do you not go to school because you are sleepy or tired?\” This is very typical. Children express their feelings.Emotions, parents solve problems. Don’t the children understand what parents say? Then why, children will say, I understand the truth, but still feel pain? Because what children are talking about are emotions, not problems. A psychological counselor shared a case of parent-child consultation: the client was a girl who dropped out of school due to depression when she was only half a year away from the college entrance examination. In the consultation room, the girl\’s parents kept complaining: \”The child never talks to us. If she could talk to us more and calm her emotions, it would not delay the college entrance examination.\” During the whole process, only the girl remained silent. Until the counselor interrupted the parents and asked the girl: \”Do you have anything to say?\” Tears burst out of the girl\’s eyes instantly, and then she yelled at her parents: \”I have said that, but you never care!\” When she complained about insomnia At that time, her mother felt that she was lying: \”The reason why children lose sleep is not because you played with your mobile phone until midnight.\” When she said that she was isolated in boarding school, her father shook his hand and did not want to hear it: \”Today\’s children are just hypocritical. Just take care of your own studies and don\’t think about anything else.\” At the dinner table, she just sighed and said, \”I\’m so anxious.\” Her parents didn\’t care about what she was anxious about and interrupted her directly: \”What\’s so anxious about?\” \”Yes, if I can\’t bear the hardship of studying now, I will have to bear the hardship of life in the future…\” Slowly, she was no longer willing to reveal her heart and emotions to her parents. Later, when her family members were concerned about her situation at school, she would always say: \”It\’s pretty good.\” She thought: \”My parents always misunderstood, criticized, and didn\’t take my troubles seriously, so now they can\’t even think about leaving.\” Come into my world!” Everyone needs to talk, but more and more children are unwilling to complain to their parents. The reason is that many times when I opened my heart to my parents and talked about my troubles, I was misunderstood and treated inappropriately by the parents. When children complain to their parents, what they want is emotional resonance, not careless preaching and perfunctory explanations. What really closes the child\’s heart and makes us gradually alienate is never the little things, but the loss of emotional value behind every little thing. The emotional value of parents determines the degree to which children are happy. Yao Yanyu, a marriage and family counselor, once said: The ability to provide emotional value is the most important soft power of an intimate relationship. The higher the emotional value, the higher the happiness index of getting along. Families that can get along well with their children cannot do without parents who are good at providing emotional value. Many times, if we slightly change the way we deal with emotions, maybe our relationship with our children will change: 1. Help children name various emotions. First, we can help children recognize what emotions they are feeling and name the emotions. , the more specific the better. Usually we have general feelings, such as: \”I feel bad… I\’m broken… or I\’m not okay.\” So what will these general feelings feel like after they are refined? Is it sadness, grievance, regret, anger, discouragement? Help children find their name and location for their emotions so that they can better understand why this emotion occurs and how it is related to our experiences. 2. EchoChildren\’s Emotions: Some children still find it difficult to calm down or even become more and more agitated after realizing what their emotions are. This is normal because they don’t know what to do with their bad moods. Of course, it is still a bit difficult for children to learn to deal with their emotions reasonably and effectively. At this time, parents’ response and companionship are particularly important. There is a case like this in the book \”Learning Early Childhood Education from American Kindergarten Teachers\”: The child couldn\’t wait for his mother to cook and became very irritable. At this time, the mother said to the child: \”Mom knows you are hungry. The rice will be ready soon. Guess what we eat today? Mushrooms, wow! Shrimps, wow! They are all your favorites.\” Such a response is very surprising. A good response to the child\’s emotions lets the child know: Mommy hears my needs. At this time, the child will feel understood, safe, and his emotions will gradually calm down. Parents are more responsive. In the future, when their children see others sad, they will use the same method to understand and empathize, and their emotional value will increase. 3. Give your child a vent pillow. Everyone encounters unhappy things, and so do children. Some children express their emotions too violently, and adults need to teach them some correct ways to vent their emotions to avoid hurting themselves, others, or destroying objects. There are many ways to deal with emotions, such as crying, drawing, spending time with your favorite toy, or giving your child a sandbag or pillow to vent his anger on, etc. Everyone has their own way of releasing emotions. Help your children find it so they can handle it better. There is a question on the Internet: Where does the emotional value come from? There is an answer in the comment area that says this: I think emotional value should be given to yourself after meeting someone or something that makes you powerful. I deeply believe that only by becoming a parent with high emotional value can we raise children with high happiness. As stated in the book \”The Power of Positive Emotions\”: We do not feel positive emotions because our life is complete and our body is healthy, but sincere positive emotions create a complete and healthy life.