What to do if a child has a bad temper and loses control of his emotions

As parents, we all have this experience: a child\’s face, like the sky in June, changes at a moment\’s notice. One second, she was loving as a mother and filial to her son, even hugging him; the next second, he was squealing and rolling around. For example, you must be familiar with the following scenes: when a child wants to watch TV and his parents don’t agree, he lies down on the floor; when he sees a toy he likes and refuses to buy it, he yells; when you say a few words to the child, he I\’ll say \”come here if you can\”…Scenes like these of children losing their temper have happened in almost every family, even more than once. Our love for our children is very much like the lyrics: Love and hate are in an instant! There is no doubt that parents today, more than ever before, strive to give their children the best. I also believe that many parents are puzzled as to why the children we spend so much time raising do not grow up to be what we expect them to be? Is there really nothing that can be done about the child\’s behavior of throwing tantrums and getting emotional? In fact, when children lose their temper and cannot control their emotions, they often fall into the \”trap\” dug by adults, but we adults still blame our children for being difficult to discipline. Neglecting Children\’s Emotional Management We often see children on the streets and shopping malls who have emotional breakdowns, cry, and roll around. It\’s normal for children to have emotions, because they are inherently \”walking emoticons.\” It can be said that children\’s emotions are everywhere, but every emotion has its own necessity and value. For example, a happy emotion means that the child is in a happy mood; an angry emotion means that the child is hurt inside. But why do children easily lose control of their emotions? In fact, the root cause lies with the parents. As the saying goes, you will reap melons if you sow beans, and children will not be able to manage their emotions when they are young. If parents neglect their children\’s emotional management and blindly use their parental authority to yell at their children, the child will easily become a person who cannot manage his own emotions when he grows up. There is such a little story: one day the cold wind and the sun competed \”to see who can make pedestrians take off their coats.\” The cold wind was bound to win, and it worked hard to send bursts of biting cold to the pedestrians on the road, trying to use brute force to make people obey; but it backfired. Instead of taking off their coats, the passers-by wrapped themselves even tighter. But the sun just calmly sent warmth, and people took off their coats voluntarily. The impact of parents\’ emotional instability on their children is beyond your imagination. The same goes for educating children. When parents yell at their children with sharp emotions, the children only want to protect themselves and do not want to hear anything. They cannot listen to anything. It is precisely because of the long-term emotional instability of parents who yell at their children that the children will take it all in under the influence of the absorptive mind. When children have their own consciousness, they will use intense emotions to fight against their parents\’ emotions. Kimberly Braine, a child education expert, said: \”Children are willful and lose their temper because their physical and emotional development exceeds their ability to communicate.\” In other words, children have emotions but cannot express them in a timely manner through appropriate language. Come out; you can only use seemingly \”violent\” language to express your inner dissatisfaction. Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: Emotions are not monolithic, but like flowing rivers, which need to be \”unblocked\” slowly. childChildren\’s understanding and expression of emotions are still at an ignorant stage. When they yell and lose their temper, they are actually sending out signals for help. They are using direct actions to express their emotions. So when your child\’s emotions explode, don\’t suppress your child\’s emotions. Parents should allow their children to have emotions, encourage them to vent their emotions in appropriate ways, and finally actively solve the problem. Ignoring the inner needs of children From the moment a child is born, there will always be many small accidents in life, which make parents very anxious. As your children grow up day by day, you will find that there is a huge difference between raising children in your imagination and raising children in reality. In many cases, parents do not understand their children\’s real needs, let alone their children\’s thoughts. Some parents believe that their children are disobedient and only punishment can correct their children\’s \”shortcomings\”. In fact, the reasons behind children\’s seemingly mischievous and tantrum behavior are complicated and caused by many factors. But in the final analysis, the main reason why a child loses his temper is that his inner demands are not met and taken seriously. In other words, it is us adults who ignore our children\’s inner needs and cause them to lose their temper. Children at different ages will have different performances and different needs. This need is not only material needs, but also spiritual needs. As adults, we sometimes don’t know what our children’s real needs are. For example, a 3-year-old boy is full of energy when he wakes up every morning, running around, exploring here, and tumbling around there. At this time, if you hope that your child can stay quietly for half an hour, he is bound to disappoint you. Just like the 8-year-old boy Ethan in the movie \”Stars on Earth\”, he is a child whose mind is full of novel and wild ideas. However, he was born with dyslexia, which caused him to be unable to concentrate in class and often fight with others. In the eyes of his parents, Ethan was a problem child, so he was sent to a boarding school with strict discipline. Fortunately, Ethan got help from Teacher Nickum here, who noticed Ethan\’s problem and discovered that he had an amazing talent in painting. Teacher Nickum continued to encourage him and praise him in class. He also used celebrities such as Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, and Picasso to inspire Ethan with dyslexia to rekindle his self-confidence. It was the teacher\’s encouragement that inspired Ethan\’s long-lost heart. His talents helped him win the championship in the painting competition and win everyone\’s recognition. Ethan in the film is obviously lucky because he met a teacher who truly understood his inner needs. But how many children in real life have become problem children in the eyes of adults because they are not understood? From a psychological perspective, people\’s most essential need is to be affirmed and accepted. As psychologist William James said, \”Human nature\’s deepest desire is to be appreciated by others.\” Children are young and simple at heart. Their most real inner needs are actually very simple: they just want their parents to see them. Pay attention to them, give them more encouragement and appreciation. Two ways to subtly calm your child’s irritable moodWhen a child is sad, angry or scared, that is when he needs his parents the most. As parents, we should accept all the emotions of our children calmly and use our own gentleness and stability to give our children the correct emotional education. When a child loses his temper, parents can try the following two methods. First, if parents are calm, children will be peaceful. When faced with a child having a tantrum, the first thing parents should do is to stay rational and calm. Accept the child\’s emotions and the child will be able to calm down easily if the parents calm down. A good way to control your emotions is to calm down and give yourself 3 minutes to wait. In order to avoid causing greater conflicts with your children, when you feel that you are about to lose control of your temper, you can temporarily stay away from your children and stay alone for 3 minutes to calm down first. Take a deep breath, listen to music, or enjoy the distant scenery. In short, do something that can divert your attention. Wait until your mood is completely better before communicating with your child. Second, calm the child’s emotions. When a child has an emotional outburst, first empathize and accompany him. After the child\’s emotions stabilize, you can try to help him express his feelings and summarize his emotions. There is no need to deliberately let the child avoid certain emotions, let the child slowly understand why he is angry? Why cry? For example, if you take your child to a shopping mall and see a toy that he likes, he insists on buying it, and even behaves and rolls around, what should you do? A more appropriate way to deal with it is to take the child who is acting and rolling around to a relatively secluded place. You can say while walking: \”It seems that there is something wrong with our communication. Let this child of mine go out and be quiet for a while before coming back.\” After a while, the child\’s emotions will slowly calm down. Wait for the child to calm down before talking to the child. You can remind him, \”Baby, tell me how you feel.\” Parents can also do some demonstrations to let their children know some emotional language: \”I\’m angry\”, \”I\’m a little unhappy\”, \”I\’m going to lose my temper!\”… Every child has a time when his emotions are out of control, and parents should not stop them blindly. , or allowing children to amplify their emotions, it is better to cultivate children\’s ability to manage emotions from an early age. The most critical step in correctly guiding children to release their emotions is to \”empathize\” with their emotions. So, when your child loses control of his emotions, give him a big hug first. I hope all children can be tolerated, understood, and appreciated.