What to do if your children are raised as enemies

As children get older, their relationship with their parents becomes more distant. This is a normal phenomenon. The Beijing Municipal Education Commission released a set of data. In a survey on the psychological status of more than 3,000 middle school students, one option was: \”What is your attitude towards your parents?\” The statistical results were unexpected: 56.28% of students were extremely disgusted and hated their parents, and only 5% of the children said they liked their parents. It can be seen that more than half of the children maintain a negative attitude towards their parents. Parents will feel very panic after seeing such data. Parents love their children very deeply, but they never thought that in return they would be filled with hatred from their children. Families give their children all the delicious and useful things with all their heart and soul, but they never expect that in the end, the children will not appreciate it and even hate their parents. We all know that if we want to educate children well, we must have a harmonious parent-child relationship. In the process of educating their children, many parents fail to do a good job and instead make their children regard their parents as enemies. Especially these four types of parents, please be careful. They may make their children enemies. I hope you are not among them. 1. Parents are too controlling. The child has obviously reached the age of independence, but the parents still control the child in everything. When a baby is young, he cannot take care of himself, and his parents make the final decision for him in everything. As children grow older and have a sense of independence, parents should hand over autonomy to their children. How to help children develop self-discipline – self-driven growth – free reading mobi+epub+azw3 Many parents have a lot of control over their children and have never let go since they were young. It is obvious that the baby is already in high school. She must listen to her parents about what kind of clothes she should wear, what kind of friends she should make, and what she eats and drinks on weekdays. If she disobeys, her parents will scold her loudly. No matter what she does, she must ask her parents. Be the one to decide. As a parent, you should think about it from another perspective. If someone dominated everything about you, would you be happy? Parents will tell their children that it is all for their own good, but this kind of arrogance and control makes their children feel unbearable. As a result, once their children go to college, they have to choose a place as far away from home as possible. The farther away the better, always yearning for freedom. The more control parents have over their children, the more children will regard them as enemies. On the road to raising children, parents should no longer be the housekeepers of their children. Once love goes too far, it can only be too much. Only by returning the initiative to the child can we gain a happy parent-child relationship and allow the child to truly grow. 2. Parents have bad tempers, which creates a psychological shadow on their children. It is indeed very tiring for parents to take care of their children, especially mothers who have had the experience of beating and scolding their children. When a child is naughty, doesn\’t want to do his homework, or talks back to his parents, the parent may hit the child, only to regret it later and quickly comfort the child. Although this is not a big deal, for families who always use beatings to educate their children, the baby will hold grudges in his heart from an early age. Because many parents have bad tempers and often take it out on their children when they encounter unhappy things at work and life. A classmate said that whenever he heard his mother\’s footsteps since childhood, he would tremble with fear. Because her mother would yell at her or even get physical if she had any trouble, and her classmates wanted to hide somewhere without their mother. Mom may have a difficult life;The work is also very heavy, so I feel that the children are not very obedient. But beating and scolding children frequently will hurt their hearts and make them regard their parents as enemies. Professor Li Meijin said: When children enter adolescence after the age of 12, what their parents say is garbage. They won\’t listen to anything you say. Don\’t nag your children. Parents should talk less and stop talking, otherwise it will only bore the children. 3. Parents have too high expectations for their children. Parents hope that their children can achieve academic success and become successful in the future, and they also like to compare themselves with other people\’s children. I often hear parents say that your academic performance is too poor and you won’t have much potential in the future. Whose child is like you, not at all quiet? Parents\’ words like this make children particularly eager to escape from their homes, hoping to grow up quickly and no longer be restrained by their parents. Parents always hope that their children will be obedient and complete everything their parents expect in a step-by-step manner. In fact, such adults regard their children as their own private property, hoping that their children can realize the dreams that they did not realize when they were young. They put a lot of expectations on their children, turning them into a continuation of their own self-worth, and subconsciously want to make up for it in their children. Tips: Parents should observe their children\’s mental state, spend more time communicating with their children, and strive to have a pleasant communication with their children in a relaxed atmosphere. 4. Emotional blackmail. Many parents tell their children, if it weren\’t for you, I would have divorced a long time ago. Because of you I gave up my job, my freedom and so on. Parents\’ words are emotional blackmail and will make children feel guilty. The book \”Emotional Blackmail\” says that parents\’ blackmail will collapse the parent-child relationship, overdraw the child\’s love for the parents, and destroy the child\’s ability to perceive love. Parents should raise their children with love and should not kidnap their children in the name of love. In real life, the parent-child relationship in many families is full of conflicts, and parents and children are at odds with each other. Parents and children never seem to understand each other. They look forward to being understood by each other, but it is difficult to sit down and say two words properly. As a parent, you are crossing the river by feeling for the stones, moving forward one step at a time. American education expert Susan Stiefelman said that parents should give their children wholehearted companionship and attention. Experience the comfort and surprise in the picture together. When the storm comes, parents should show the calmness and confidence of the captain. Make timely judgments to guide children forward in the storm. When parents disagree with their children, parents should listen to their children\’s inner thoughts. Try to understand and make reasonable suggestions. Grasping the big picture, this kind of love is warm and appropriate, and it is the most beautiful gift for children on their growth path. Through continuous exploration and learning, parents can understand how to do better. When we were young, we also hoped that our parents would forgive us for making mistakes. In fact, adults also hope that their children can give them a chance. Now that we ourselves are parents, we should learn to understand each other with our children. Parents and children should give each other a chance and choose to understand. We must learn to reconcile with ourselves and with our parents and children. Only then can we reconcile with the world and move on steadily with reality.