How parents can cultivate a growth mindset and benefit their children throughout their lives

In an interview, psychologist He Lingfeng told something about his daughter\’s performance, which impressed countless parents. Once, my daughter scored 59 points in a math test and required a parent’s signature. She didn\’t dare to show the report card to her mother, so she covered the results with her hand and asked teacher He Lingfeng to sign it. Teacher He Lingfeng saw through his daughter\’s thoughts, but he did not forcefully ask her to take her hands away. Instead, he discussed it with her gently: \”Let\’s do this, dad, I promise, no matter how ugly your score is, I promise not to talk about you.\” After his daughter took her hand away, teacher He Lingfeng saw the score was 59. He immediately took a deep breath and told himself to control his emotions. Then he asked his daughter calmly: \”What score did the student with the best score in your class get?\” 100 points.\” \”How many 100 points are there?\” \”Many.\” After listening to his daughter\’s words, teacher He Lingfeng still forced himself to calm down. He began to give his daughter an objective analysis: \”There are two types of exams, one is the selection test, which means it doesn\’t matter how many points you get, what\’s important is whether you can surpass others. ; The other is a diagnostic test, which means that the teacher has taught for a period of time and then issued a test paper to test how well you have mastered the knowledge points. The high school and college entrance examinations are selective tests, and the usual tests are actually diagnostic tests. . You see, so many people in your class got 100 points on the test, which means they don’t need to take this test because they didn’t diagnose any problems. You are different, you diagnosed the problem with 41 points, and you put these 41 If you find and correct the problems that lead to good grades, you will be the biggest beneficiary of this exam.\” After reading this sharing from teacher He Lingfeng, many parents suddenly realized: Yes, children\’s growth is more important than grades. Achievements reflect the past, and the future depends on the present. Blaming and punishing children will not help them grow. Only by identifying problems, looking at them from a developmental perspective, and helping children solve problems in a targeted manner can children grow better. Jenny Arim said: \”It\’s not terrible for children to have shortcomings. What\’s terrible is that parents, who are the guides of their children\’s lives, lack correct concepts of parenting.\” She deeply agrees. Raising children tests the parents’ wisdom, cognitive level and structure. A parent with a growth mindset is a blessing for a child\’s life. Allow children to make mistakes and let them grow through trial and error. I once read a story online: When my daughter was one year old, she liked to play with her own bowls and chopsticks every time she ate. She would knock it hard with her hands, throw it to the ground, pick it up, and throw it away again… Dad was very troubled by this. In order to make his daughter behave, the father imitated the \”dog training\” method on the Internet and used an ugly doll to scare his daughter in an attempt to establish a conditioned reflex. As a result, my daughter did stop playing with the dishes, but she became timid and no longer willing to sit at the dinner table to eat. The father regretted deeply: \”By not allowing children to make mistakes, children give up on their growth. If children are afraid of making mistakes, they will make more serious mistakes.\” \”Positive Discipline\” says: \”You will allow yourself and your children to make mistakes, and allow imperfections. Allow repeated attempts, why? Because you know that mistakes are the best teachers, and this is how humans grow.\” In fact, children make mistakes andNot scary. The process of children\’s growth itself is a process of continuous exploration, continuous trial, and continuous improvement. Only by constantly trying and making mistakes and making corrections can children continue to grow. A scientist who is very accomplished in the medical field once talked about an experience in his childhood. At that time, he was only two years old. He wanted to take out a bottle of milk from the refrigerator, but the bottle was too slippery and fell to the ground, spilling the milk all over the floor. When his mother saw the milk all over the floor, she didn\’t blame him for being naughty, nor did she scold him. Why was he so careless? Instead, he gently suggested that you want to play in the milk puddle for a few minutes. After that, his mother suggested that he clean the floor and gave him three choices: Do you want to use a sponge, a towel, or a mop? After choosing, his mother accompanied him to clean up the milk on the floor. Finally, the mother filled the milk bottle with water and taught him how to hold the bottle firmly. Through repeated practice, he finally understood the techniques and also appreciated his mother\’s painstaking efforts. Instead of making him afraid of making mistakes, his mother taught him to treat every mistake as an opportunity to learn. He implemented his mother\’s teachings throughout his life. Every time he faced a challenge, every time he encountered a difficult scientific experiment, he told himself: \”Try it, even if you fail, I can learn a lot from it.\” Countless facts have proved that if parents do not allow their children to make mistakes, their children will It\’s hard to make progress. Parents accept their children\’s mistakes, guide their children to gain experience from their mistakes, and prevent mistakes from happening again. Children will grow better and better through their mistakes. The way parents treat their children\’s mistakes determines the way their children treat their mistakes. The methods are different, and the endings are also different. Therefore, treating mistakes as opportunities for children to grow is the best way to teach. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Often recognize children and give them good successful experiences. A psychology teacher once invited a child and a mother to reenact the scene of communication at home in a lecture. The mother said to the child: \”Why do you take so long to do your homework? Look at others… why do you always get the same questions wrong? Why are you so stupid and can\’t do anything well?\” The teacher asked the child: \”What did your mother say? How did you feel?\” The child said helplessly: \”I feel like everything I do is wrong at home and I don\’t know what to do?\” I remember that child psychologist Sun Ruixue once said: \”If you didn\’t go If a child is denied, she will have an excellent ability to feel. She will fully trust her own feelings and seek her own judgment and understanding on everything. Ultimately, she will become a child with extremely independent judgment and rich creativity.\” In fact, a child\’s deepest desire is to be recognized by his parents. If parents always use sarcasm, belittlement, and comparison with others to attack their children, the children will doubt themselves and deny themselves in their hearts. If things go on like this, the child is likely to lose the determination and motivation to fight, and believe that he is a loser who is useless no matter how hard he works, thus becoming a child with low self-esteem, timidity, and shrinkage. Soviet educationist Suhomlinsky once put forward a famous slogan: \”LetEvery child walks with his head held high. \”The degree of excellence of a child depends on the child\’s self-esteem level, and the child\’s self-esteem level comes from the child\’s experience of success. I have seen such a short film. The little boy in the short film likes to play football, but the football teacher told the boy\’s mother: “He looks very determined, but his fundamentals are not very good. The little boy asked his mother what the teacher said. The mother did not tell the truth, but told the child gently: \”The coach has seen your hard work.\” Before this, you didn\’t know how to head the ball with your head, but can you do it now? As long as you work harder, you will make greater progress. \”The mother\’s words rekindled the little boy\’s inner fighting spirit. The little boy worked harder to practice football. Facing failures again and again, he always remembered his mother\’s encouragement: \”Just jump higher than last time.\” \”Finally, the little boy won a valuable point for his teammates. The mother\’s encouragement and affirmation built a wall in the little boy\’s heart that could withstand wind and rain, escorting the child to move forward. Rosenthal Effect It proves that what kind of expectations you have for your child determines the child\’s initial destiny to a certain extent. Only by always encouraging the child, affirming the child, and allowing the child to believe that he is good and worthy of being liked in his heart, will the child be born with self-esteem. Only with a sense of value and inner strength can you be ignited, and you will have the determination and motivation to fight. Accept your child\’s imperfections and make him a better self. The full score is 150, and your child gets 15 points in the exam. What will you do? Most parents may They will all fall into deep melancholy, and even scold their children and force them to take extra tutoring crazily. But what the psychology professor Li Meijin did was beyond everyone’s expectations. When she heard her daughter say, “I got 15 points on the math test,” Teacher Li Meijin’s She was also very uneasy at first. But she quickly adjusted her emotions and lowered her expectations. She comforted her daughter and said, \”It doesn\’t matter, it\’s because of bad genetics. If we are not good at mathematics, we can learn other things. Even her daughter’s homeroom teacher talked to Professor Li Meijin and said, “My child’s math skills are too poor and he will not be able to get into college.” \”Professor Li Meijin replied unceremoniously: \”As far as I know, Churchill and Diana failed in mathematics, but it does not affect their becoming celebrities. \”Later, Teacher Li Meijin had an in-depth communication with her daughter and understood her inner thoughts and plans: her daughter wanted to enter the Conservatory of Music. Therefore, Professor Li Meijin immediately adjusted her daughter\’s goals and direction for the college entrance examination and supported her daughter to take the art exam. The college entrance examination In 2000, Professor Li Meijin’s daughter became the only child in that ordinary high school who was admitted to a key university. Now, Professor Li Meijin’s daughter is an excellent music teacher. Spinoza said: “How vast is the scope of spiritual understanding? It is to what extent there is greater power to control the consequences without suffering for them. \”Every child is an independent individual with his own desires. Parents\’ expectations cannot replace the child\’s growth. Forcing children to grow up according to adults\’ wishes is likely to cause great psychological pressure and mental harm to the child. The novel \” In \”Silent Confessions\”, Lydia\’s father hopes that she can make many friends, and her mother hopes that she will be well.Study well and complete the studies you failed to complete. Lydia was afraid that she would disappoint her parents, so she forced herself to sit in the corridor every day and talk to her friends on the phone, pretending to be a top student, memorizing by rote, and studying hard. In the end, Lydia was overwhelmed and decided to commit suicide. Each child can only hold one soul in his body. For children, parents\’ love and expectations without respect will become a heavy burden. There is a proverb that says: You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot force it to drink. The same goes for educating children. The most successful education for parents is not to force their children to \”grow from a small grass into a big tree\”, but to accept their children\’s imperfections, respect their wishes, and try their best to help them become the best version of themselves. Many parents will be confused like this: \”Why do we spend so much time and energy on our children, but we are not good parents?\” The answer given by psychologist He Lingfeng is worth pondering for every parent: \”The challenges our children will face in the future The world is different from the world we face. Education is not about looking at the future from today, because no one can see the future clearly. In many cases, it is about looking at today from the future.\” Whether your parents\’ education is successful does not depend on how much you spend. Money, time and energy depend on whether you have grasped the core essence of your child\’s long-term development. The life that parents plan for their children may not be the life that their children want. The love that parents pour into their children may not be the love that their children want. Teacher Cai Zhizhong said: Sticking to inertial thinking and hitting the wall all the way is often thankless. When you feel like you\’ve reached a dead end, look to see if there\’s an exit nearby. Good parents do not always think about changing their children, but follow their children\’s footsteps, stand from their children\’s perspective, believe in their children, awaken their children\’s power of growth, and move forward with their children. There are countless difficulties in the process of raising children. We may not be perfect parents, but we can be parents who are constantly learning and making progress. Only by becoming a growth-oriented parent can we better guide and educate our children.