Mother’s mood determines child’s future

In a family, the mother\’s mood determines the atmosphere and temperature of the family to a large extent, and also has a huge impact on the child\’s personality formation. Mothers who are gentle, stable, and warm can often paint a positive personality background for their children\’s lives, making their children\’s hearts safer, more confident, and more powerful. The mother\’s emotional perception affects the formation of the child\’s sense of security and value. American psychologist Harlow proposed an important concept \”attachment\”, which can be used to explain the emotional connection formed between the child and the mother. When a child is just born, he has no ability to survive independently. All his needs must be expressed through emotional reactions. If the mother can sensitively perceive the child\’s emotions and needs and give him a gentle and timely response, the child will develop a sense of security towards the mother. type of attachment. A secure attachment relationship can help children develop an inner sense of security and value, thereby forming a positive and stable personality. On the one hand, the child will use the mother as his safe base. This sense of security of \”mother is here\” will make the child dare to explore the surrounding environment. As the child grows older, this sense of security will gradually be internalized into the child\’s heart, giving him the courage to conquer the world. On the other hand, a secure attachment relationship can promote the formation of a child\’s sense of value. He will feel that his needs are seen by his mother and that he is important in his mother\’s eyes. When a child trusts his mother when he is young, he will also trust the world when he grows up, and will develop an inner and stable sense of value. The impact of parents\’ emotional instability on their children is beyond your imagination. A mother\’s certain level of emotional awareness is the core of helping children form a secure attachment, and a mother\’s emotional awareness is affected by an important factor, that is, the mother\’s own emotional state. When a mother is emotionally full and has sufficient psychological energy, she is more capable of sensing and meeting her child\’s emotions and needs in a timely manner; but when a mother is depressed and has insufficient psychological energy, she lacks the ability to sense and satisfy her child\’s emotions and needs. . But in reality, it is not easy to be an ideal \”good mother\” who is always emotionally stable, because mothers themselves also have difficulties, needs, and emotions, and it is difficult to satisfy them gently and promptly at all times. Children\’s needs. In response to this situation, the British psychoanalyst Winnicott proposed a concept of \”good enough mother\”, that is, the mother is a \”good mother\” overall and can meet the needs of the child, but sometimes the mother\’s performance may not be satisfactory. As you wish, you can allow yourself some time to recharge emotionally, and you can temporarily put your own needs first instead of rushing to meet the needs of your children. When the mother\’s emotions are adjusted and her mental energy is restored, she will return to perceive the child\’s emotions and meet the child\’s needs. In the end, she will still be a \”good mother.\” Such a mother does not spend all her time to love her children, but allows herself to perform poorly sometimes and gives herself time to love herself. In this way, she can better maintain emotional awareness and provide her children with stable and flexible support in the long run. like. Mother\’s emotional differentiation affects the child\’s emotional cognition and regulation ability. Emotional differentiation refers to an individual\’s ability to differentiate emotions more carefully and accurately in emotional experience and statements. For example, when a child is bornWhen angry, mothers with low emotional differentiation will simply use the word \”angry\” to label their children\’s emotions; but mothers with high emotional differentiation will understand their children\’s different \”angry\” in different situations, and even see When children are angry, they also have complex and multi-layered emotions such as disappointment, frustration, sadness, helplessness, and longing. When a child is misunderstood by a good friend and feels angry and wants to break off the relationship with the good friend, a mother with low emotional differentiation may say \”Don\’t be emotional, good friends should understand each other\”; while a mother with high emotional differentiation will see the child For more emotional and psychological needs, she may say, \”Liangliang is your best friend. His misunderstanding of you makes you very angry and makes you feel sad, right? Do you hope that no matter what others think, he can I understand you, right?\” When the mother can see the child\’s true emotions and inner needs, the child will feel that he is understood and accepted, and his emotions will calm down faster. A mother\’s high level of emotional differentiation can help children improve the complexity, richness, and contradiction of emotional cognition, thereby helping children understand their own emotions and develop positive emotional regulation abilities. How can we improve emotional differentiation? On the one hand, we must let go of our narrow understanding of emotions. There is no right or wrong in emotions. We cannot only accept positive emotions but not negative emotions. We must see and cherish the unique value of each emotion. On the other hand, we must especially Pay attention to the \”messenger\” function of negative emotions. Behind every negative emotion of a child, there must be an unmet need. Mothers must see this need through the child\’s negative emotions and find ways to respond to this need together with the child. The emotional interaction between parents affects children\’s self-perception. In addition to the mother\’s emotions, the interaction pattern between parents will undoubtedly also have an important impact on children. Conflicts between parents often lead to irritability and mood swings on both sides, destroy the harmonious atmosphere of the family, and bring insecurity to the children. Children in conflict often involuntarily hope to reconnect with their parents to maintain their sense of security. Methods and techniques for managing children\’s emotions Parenting books How to cultivate children with high emotional intelligence Ultra-clear PDF Children\’s ability to perceive emotions is very strong, but their ability to interpret emotions is very weak. When their parents are angry, they can feel their parents\’ strong emotions. But it’s harder to understand the real reasons why parents are angry. At this time, they tend to make inward attributions, thinking that it is \”they are not good\” or \”they are not good enough\” that causes their parents to quarrel. For example, they think it is because they throw toys around and make their mother angry, or because they procrastinate on their homework and make their father anxious. wait. The child will try to make changes to help the parent reconnect and regain a sense of security. Therefore, when their parents quarrel, many children will become very well-behaved, or actively do something to please their parents. In this process, on the surface, the child seems to be sensible, but inward attribution and self-blame will lower the child\’s self-awareness and sense of self-worth. However, in real life, negative emotional interactions between parents are unavoidable. What is important is how to avoid such conflicts from destroying the child\’s sense of security to ensure that the child has a stable self-perception. Parents can do a good jobThe following points: First, take the initiative to attribute responsibility and let the children understand that conflicts between parents have nothing to do with the children and are not their fault. The second is to ensure that conflicts are constructive, allowing children to see that even if their parents quarrel, both parties are trying to express and understand each other\’s ideas and needs, and strive to find a win-win solution. The third is to maintain the stability of the relationship and let the children know that after the parents\’ emotions resolve, they still accept and care for each other, and their relationship has not broken down. In short, the family is the most important and basic environment for a child\’s growth. Parents\’ emotions, especially the mother\’s emotions, are important factors that affect a family\’s happiness and children\’s sense of security. Parents should consciously adjust and manage their emotions, try their best to create a harmonious and stable family environment for their children, and provide more psychological nutrition and positive energy for their children\’s healthy growth.