What are the characteristics of enlightened parents?

Psychologist Adler once said: \”Happy people spend their childhood healing their lives, while unhappy people spend their lives healing their childhood.\” I understand this sentence deeply. When I was young, I often dropped rice grains on the table because I couldn\’t hold my chopsticks firmly. When my mother sees it, she will accuse me of wasting food, so now when eating, if any food falls on the table, I will unconsciously want to pick it up and eat it; when there is a little dirt on my clothes, my mother will also yell He scolded me for being unhygienic. From then on, I developed mysophobia and obsessive-compulsive disorder, and could never see any mess again. All these changes of mine were mistaken by my parents for growth. However, only I understand how much trauma the scolding and suppression back then left in my heart, so much so that I spent the rest of my life healing my childhood over the years. Keeping an eye on your child\’s trivial matters consumes your child\’s energy and motivation. Truly enlightened parents never waste their children on small things. They understand that instead of holding on to small mistakes, it is better to grasp the big ones and let go of the small ones, giving their children a kind and relaxed environment. In such an environment, a child will grow into a tree with luxuriant branches and full of vitality. 01 Constantly holding on to small things is a shadow for a child\’s life. The famous American psychology professor Dr. Seidez said: \”People are like shaping ceramics. What kind of education they give when they are young will determine what kind of prototype they will become.\” Blogger Miracle Mom Mu Xiaonuan shared an experience: with a friend During the party, she said that her 14-year-old son had big personality problems. She is timid in doing things and has no independent opinion. Every time she sees her son like this, she will get angry. Before the blogger could ask why, the child came back. CCTV recommends over 500 high-scoring documentaries. The child watched the pattern and became addicted to self-discipline. The child was sweating profusely as soon as he sat down and picked up his mother\’s iced lemonade. His mother immediately shouted angrily: \”How many times have I told you? You can’t drink something cold after sweating. How come you can’t remember it at all?” During the meal, my friend kept focusing on the child’s shortcomings: one moment he said the child didn’t sit upright; the other moment he said the child just immersed himself in eating. Not polite; a moment later, she disliked the child for being so old when eating, and could drop the food… In just one hour, she kept staring at the child, finding faults in various small things, and correcting the child; it seemed that no matter what the child did, it would It\’s an unforgivable mistake. Seeing a child who was full of energy just now, being consumed to the point of collapse by his mother\’s criticism. In reality, many parents believe in frustration education. They believe that criticizing their children more will make them progress. Is this really true? An experiment 80 years ago gave a cruel answer: In 1939, speech pathologists at the University of Iowa recruited 22 orphans, and then repeatedly beat them, saying that they stuttered. Later, even a completely normal child develops in the direction of being suppressed due to excessive psychological pressure and becomes a real stammer. This is the famous study of demons, and in real life, how many children are receiving demon education? Children who live under verbal violence are severely damaged physically and psychologically, and may even live with it their entire lives.shrouded in a shadow. Children who are often picked on will become mean and critical of those around them. Believe that every child is gifted. However, if you insist on using tree climbing to measure a fish\’s ability, then the fish will feel that it is stupid throughout its life. Every child will have his own growth trajectory. If you hit your child too much on small things, the result will only be contrary to your own expectations. Instead of micromanaging everything, just let nature take its course. 02 Consuming your child on small things consumes your child’s mental energy. The inner world of children is very fragile. If parents are too harsh or rough when dealing with small things, they may bring more negative emotions to their children. Those little things that you don’t take seriously are consuming your child’s energy. 1. Your disapproving verbosity is consuming your child’s enthusiasm. Dr. Marshall Luxemburg, author of “Nonviolent Communication,” once said: Evaluation, accusation, and order are all forms of violent communication, which will cause children to suffer invisible “spiritual violence.” Teacher Zhao Yuping from \”Hundred Schools Forum\” told a story. The child walked out of the room to drink water. The mother asked: \”Son, have you finished your homework?\” The child immediately became furious after hearing this: \”Can you stop asking?\” The mother looked confused and angry: \”Is it wrong for me to ask? He Why aren\’t you allowed to ask?\” After communicating with the child, Teacher Zhao got the mother\’s perspective from the child\’s perspective: The mother asked several times a day if the homework was finished? And, if the child answers \”finished\”, the mother will say: \”Should you just sit there in a daze after writing? Aren\’t you going to answer a few more pages of questions and memorize a few more words?\” If the child answers \”not finished\” , my mother would say: \”Why don\’t you hurry up and write before you finish? Why are you still sitting on the sofa in a daze before you finish? I push and move every time. Are you trying to teach me? It\’s really tiring!\” It turns out that no matter how the child answers, he will be met with a slap in the face. Day after day, the child is very resistant to communicating with his mother. If the parent-child relationship is not good, all educational methods will be zero and meaningless; and how parents communicate with their children will determine the kind of parent-child relationship they have. 2. Your uncontrollable emotions are sucking the energy of your child. There is a popular video on the Internet: a mother lost control of her emotions. Regardless of the obstruction of her husband and people around her, she desperately tore a little girl and asked her to give her 1 year old. Duo\’s son apologized. Because the little girl stepped on the back of her son who was lying on the ground while playing. When this mother violently tried to get an apology from her son, not only was the little girl frightened to tears, but her own son was also frightened and cried \”Wow!\” You can imagine how that child felt during his mother\’s emotional outburst! Strong negative emotions, such as anger and anxiety, fill everyone\’s heart. A young child doesn\’t understand why his mother is angry, and he thinks it\’s his own fault. He may wonder, \”Am I a troublesome child?\” He may even feel sad that he is unable to make his parents happy. In this way, the child will be in a state of self-blame pressure for a long time, thus affecting the child\’s energy and vitality. It was originally a trivial matter, but after the parents magnified it infinitely, it became something that the child couldn\’t resist.Live a big deal. Every child is a small universe of energy. If you continue to consume the child in small things, it will only push the child further and further away. Instead of being nervous about your children, be yourself. 03 Only when you position yourself correctly can you educate your children well. Teacher Li Yuer said in her book \”Who took away the child\’s happiness\”: \”The meaning of love to education is like light, always shining on the entire education process.\” The meaning of parents\’ existence is not just being parents, It is also the original copy of the child, the co-pilot on the road of life, and a good friend who grows up together with the child. 1. Dust yourself off before entering your home. Home should not be your emotional dumping ground, but our energy bag. Don\’t bring bad emotions home and hurt the children who have been tolerating your bad temper. When you return home, you are no longer an elite in the workplace or someone\’s employee. You are just a member of this family, a parent and a close partner of your child. 2. Learn to change your thinking. Try to change your thinking mode and stop making unrealistic predictions. Children are not as bad as you think. Don\’t waste time attacking and blaming your children. Instead, use patience and tolerance to understand your children and communicate with them in another way. You will find that your children will accept it happily and make positive changes. Instead of focusing on your child\’s faults, see your child\’s good qualities and magnify your child\’s strengths, turn criticism into praise, and you will find that your child becomes full of energy! 3. Put away your need for control. He Lingfeng, a doctor of psychology, believes: \”If you can maintain a normal relationship with your child, you will have influence on him.\” Children are independent beings. They are not appendages of their parents, nor are they their parents. sooner or later, he will fly alone. Be your child\’s co-pilot, put away your desire for control, and give your child the right to choose and autonomy; when your child feels relaxed, many things can actually be done well! When parents position themselves correctly, they have the greatest impact on their children. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! ▽Some people say that children are like sponges. They absorb not only what you say, but also your attitude towards life. For children, home should be a warm, relaxing haven. If you make a mistake, come back next time, and you will be tolerated if you make a mistake; do not argue or argue over trivial matters, do not be tit-for-tat, and share responsibility and face major issues together. Education is originally a long road full of thorns. Only love can make children\’s soft hearts walk toward the light forever. Like, remember and reflect together.