How to make children take the initiative to learn

What do many parents mean when they say they don’t have autonomy in learning? In fact, it is about parents’ evaluation of their children’s behavior. What parents want is for their children to have more independent learning behaviors. And behavior equals willingness plus ability. If parents want their children to behave in this way, they must first know why their children do not behave in this way. Only by finding the real cause can parents solve the problem. But many parents make mistakes when making attributions, and as a result, nothing they do later will be of any use. What is the real reason why children do not learn independently? The real reason is lack of ability. When a child\’s time arrangement is unreasonable and homework is not completed, many parents will say that the child is lazy, that he does not want to study, that he is playful, that he has a problem with his learning attitude, and will give him various study stickers. Negative labels on will. At the beginning, the child will still argue, but the will cannot be proved, and the fact that the homework has not been completed is there, and everything the child says seems pale. Gradually, the parents said it more often, and he shut up. In fact, if the child cannot do it, it may be a matter of willingness or ability. But if parents often suppress their children\’s wishes in this way, the children will gradually acquiesce to this statement, and they will really lose their willingness to learn. Therefore, parents must not label their children with such wishes. Because at the beginning, the child has no problem with will. He wants to play well and learn well, but he does not have enough ability to do so. Wanting to balance fun and learning at the same time requires strong ability support. Children need to know how to arrange time, where to focus, and what to do first and what to do later. This is not an easy task for children. And this is not just a matter of parents telling him how to do it. It requires the child to try and make adjustments over and over again, and then he can slowly find a rhythm that suits him, and finally he can do it. In this process, what parents need to do is first to protect their children\’s willingness to learn, and then to cultivate their children\’s independent abilities such as time arrangement and self-management. Find the child\’s baseline level. Some parents will think that since the child can\’t arrange it, then I will arrange it for him. But many parents’ arrangements, no matter how efficient and reasonable they seem, are unreasonable for their children. Because parents don’t know their children’s baseline ability levels. For example, do parents know how long a child\’s natural concentration lasts when he is in a calm state, and how long it takes him to complete a certain task? If you don\’t know, then the arrangements made by parents are unreasonable. But many parents don’t know. Why don’t they know? Because parents often nag, yell, urge, and scold their children when they are studying, the children do not have a peaceful emotional state while studying. When a child is doing homework and the parents are nagging and monitoring, making the child full of anxiety and fear, the child cannot concentrate on studying. He thinks more about how to compete with the parents. For example, when a parent accompanies a child to do homework, the child will glance at the parent as he writes. This is a sign that the child is unable to concentrate on homework due to emotional stress. What is the Feynman Learning Method and the Efficient Learning Method? How do you see your child’s baseline ability level? OnlyParents should not put emotional pressure on their children and allow them to maintain a relatively peaceful mental state. What parents have to do is let go and let their children try and make mistakes. Then in the process of letting go, parents need to objectively observe and record their children\’s behavior and emotions. By recording for about a week, parents can know their child\’s baseline ability level, and they can also see their child\’s changes and progress during this period. Parents must be emotionally stable. Even if the parents completely let go, the arrangements made by the children themselves are still unreasonable. why? Because he himself does not know his baseline level, his concept of time may be very inaccurate. Moreover, some children, because their parents often nagged and monitored them in the past, caused the children to do a calculation problem and write two words in half an hour, which made the children feel that they were just so slow and formed a very inaccurate concept of time. Then when the child looks at the homework, he feels that there is too much, and the fear of difficulties rises. He either complains or wants to escape. At this time, parents must allow their children to have emotions and allow them to vent their emotions. Parents must be able to catch their children\’s emotions and help their children overcome their fear of difficulties. They must not be led by their emotions. This is a big test for parents’ emotional management ability. Parents should guide their children patiently. In the end, the child may only write a little bit, but parents still need to give their children affirmation and encouragement. The first step for a child to overcome his fear of difficulties and start trying is progress. Parents can pick up on their children\’s emotions, make them feel peaceful, encourage them, and give them confidence. After doing this, they can guide their children to do self-reflection. Through this cycle of trial and error, companionship, and reflection, any ability of the child can be developed. The prerequisite for this cycle to start is that parents can truly achieve emotional stability. Behavior equals willingness plus ability. Why don’t children learn independently? In fact, at the beginning, children are willing to learn, but many children do not have the ability to learn independently. If you want your children to take the initiative to learn, what parents have to do is to protect their children\’s wishes and then cultivate their children\’s learning abilities. The cultivation of ability is through the cycle of letting go, accompanying, and reviewing.