The only \”golden nine years\” in a child\’s life, many parents regret seeing it too late

A child is like a sapling, which needs careful watering to thrive. The family environment is the source of nourishing water. American psychologist Marvin Marshall once said: \”If flowers don\’t grow well, we can\’t blame the flowers, but look for the reasons from the planting methods.\” The same goes for educating children. When a child\’s growth is not as expected, we should reflect on our education methods and make timely adjustments instead of just blaming the child. Every stage of growth has its own characteristics, and educating today\’s children in old ways may limit their future. Only when parents understand these can they cultivate excellent next generations. Primary school stage: the golden period of habits. Children aged 9 to 11 are in the primary school stage, which is the golden period for cultivating good habits. A behavioral expert once tested thousands of students and found that as the grades increased, students\’ knowledge and ability scores improved, but their habit scores did not change much. This tells us that the primary school period is a critical period for cultivating children\’s habits. The development of good habits can benefit children for life, while bad habits may become a lifelong burden if not corrected in time. For example, Xiaoxuan and Xiaocheng are deskmates, but their study habits and grades are very different. Xiaoxuan studies hard and has excellent grades; Xiaocheng is not attentive in class, has sloppy homework, and falls behind in grades. During the home visit, it was found that Xiaoxuan\’s parents had focused on cultivating his concentration and good habits since childhood, while Xiaocheng\’s parents seemed relatively indulgent in education. This shows that children\’s self-discipline depends largely on family education. Educationist Mr. Ye Shengtao once said: \”The essence of education is to cultivate habits.\” Children are naturally playful, and without good habits it is difficult to resist external temptations. Therefore, parents should teach their children to take the initiative to learn and develop good habits: such as doing homework seriously, thinking diligently, and reviewing regularly. Love reading and broaden cognitive scope: use extracurricular time to cultivate children\’s interest in reading. Keep exercising and build a strong body: Keep children healthy and relieve stress through outdoor activities. Junior high school stage: Puberty accompanies 12- to 14-year-old children as they enter adolescence. This is a period of dramatic physical and mental changes for them. Many parents complain that adolescent children are difficult to discipline, but education expert Chen Yu points out that not every child will be rebellious. If children grow up in a relaxed environment, their inner needs are met, and they establish good communication with educators, rebellion will not become inevitable. A netizen shared his story: His grades dropped due to his addiction to video games. His parents initially suppressed him with authority, but the effect was counterproductive. Later, his parents changed their strategy and used more patience and understanding to accompany him, which made him reflect and change his behavior. This shows that adolescent children need their parents’ companionship and understanding, not simple suppression. The book \”Decoding Puberty\” mentions that adolescent children need support from their parents. Parents should help their children: Learn to control their emotions: Teach them to recognize and manage their own emotions. Exercise stress resistance: Cultivate children\’s courage and perseverance in the face of failure. Know how to handle feelings: Communicate with children and help them understand the impact of feelings and relationships. High school stage: Learn to let go. Children aged 15 to 17 enter high school. This is when they gradually mature and become independent people.grid stage. There is a question on Zhihu: “What do you think of your parents’ behavior of ‘doing good for you’?” One answer reveals the negative impact that excessive control may bring. Philosopher Fromm said: \”Love without respect can easily turn into dominance and possession.\” An overly controlling family environment is not conducive to children growing into independent and sunny individuals. In a case shared by a psychological counselor, a high school girl felt depressed because of her parents\’ excessive control. Her parents, while ostensibly granting her freedom, actually expected her to make decisions according to their wishes. This makes the child feel restricted and unable to freely express his or her thoughts and choices. When his daughter was faced with a professional choice, Yi Zhongtian did not tell her the answer directly. Instead, he provided \”four basic principles\” and a \”three-dimensional coordinate system\” to allow his daughter to make a choice based on her own interests and actual situation. This shows that parents who truly respect their children will give them advice, explain the pros and cons, and support their choices. Parents should learn to: let their children make their own choices: let their children set goals based on their own interests. Let children boldly try and make mistakes: teach children to face mistakes correctly and learn from them. Let children live independently: Cultivate children\’s ability to live independently, so that they can live well after leaving their parents. Conclusion: Educating children is a long-term and complex process. Not only do children need to grow, but parents also need to constantly improve themselves. The greatest luck for children is to have parents who are willing to change for them. I hope all parents can seize their children\’s golden growth period, accompany them with their heart, and jointly create a better future.