How much influence does parents’ emotional stability have on their children?

\”Bang–\” An iron bowl fell to the ground, attracting the family members who were sitting around the table to eat. There were parents and two younger brothers and sisters on the table. The iron bowl was accidentally dropped by the girl while eating. I thought that this scene would cause the two parents at the table to be furious. Unexpectedly, the next second, the father who was eating quickly put down his bowl and chopsticks, stood up and left his seat, and walked towards the fallen bowl. While standing on tiptoe, he comforted everyone softly: \”It\’s okay, don\’t move. I\’ll pick it up. Mom, you can help mop it off the floor later.\” There was no blame, no impatience, just comfort and solutions. The children were relieved that their father was emotionally stable. This is a video that went viral recently. It received more than 2 million likes and 160,000 comments. Why does a simple video resonate with so many people? This is because they were surprised to find: \”It turns out that if you accidentally knock over the bowl, you will not be beaten or scolded.\” Behind this sudden realization is actually our habit of scolding and scolding. Behind every like, there may be a child who has endured years of scolding. They peeped and envied the love of other people\’s parents through the cracks in the door. Only those who have experienced it know how lucky and rare it is to have emotionally stable parents. How much influence does parents’ emotional stability have on their children? Teacher Luo Xiang once said: \”The most terrifying thing about a family is not poverty, but having a person who constantly creates internal strife, conflicts and quarrels. Living in such a family, everyone\’s nerves are very tight.\” I am afraid that making a small mistake will trigger a family war.\” In reality, the atmosphere of many families is a true reflection of this passage. I remember reading about an extreme real-life incident on the Internet. The narrator is a college teacher. She sat in front of the camera and shared the story of her students with tears in her eyes: \”In my first year of working, I was so broken that I wanted to leave my job. At that time, a student in the class I was teaching had an emotional outburst in front of me. She was going to commit suicide on the spot.\” After struggling and pulling, she pulled the child back from the stairs and kept holding on to the student\’s hand. But the child said to the teacher: \”Teacher, please don\’t stop me. If I die, the whole family will be clean. They will not come to beat me again. All problems have been solved.\” Later, the teacher still dragged the student back. office. One wave comes after another. She discovered that there was another student in her class who had psychological problems. He was not very affectionate towards his parents and often vented his pent-up emotions on his children. The teacher told the student the method he learned in the book \”Nonviolent Communication\” and asked him to try to communicate with his parents. As a result, the next morning, the student still came crying and told the teacher that \”it was useless\”: \”That dead man and crazy woman, they pulled me out of bed at around 12 o\’clock in the middle of the night, and then I used the method you taught me, and they Still won\’t listen.\” In the end, the teacher was at her wits\’ end. She could only continue to comfort and motivate her students to study hard, get into college, and live their own lives. The whole sharing was filled with a sense of powerlessness. Because teachers can only try their best to help students, but they cannot change parents. At the end of the video, the teacher also pointed outThe problem: These children with psychological problems are often victims of their parents\’ mood swings. When parents\’ own emotions and anxieties are not resolved, it is easy to pass them onto their children intergenerationally. Star Joe Chen also shared his childhood \”shadow\”. When she was a child, she would be beaten by her mother if she went home just a little bit; if she did not do well in the exam, she would rather hide in the cemetery than be beaten by her mother when she came home. After being found by his mother, he was whipped with dead branches until he bled. All these experiences always affected Chen Qiaoen when he grew up. When she talks about her mother, she subconsciously looks behind her and rubs her fingers. When faced with something beyond her control, she would subconsciously follow her mother\’s method of venting her emotions. Once on the show, she had an emotional breakdown because of too many housework chores. Throwing clothes, kicking the rice cooker, and complaining all the time… Of course, these are just the sequelae left behind by the emotions of the original family. There are many, many manifestations of \”sequelae\”. For example, children learn to watch words and emotions too early and are overly sensitive; when they grow up, they often have an inferiority complex and always doubt whether they are firmly loved. If they are lucky, these children who are stuck in the quagmire will have the courage to break free and live the life they want. But if they are unlucky, they have to keep healing the scars of childhood. If you want to add a time limit to this process, it will probably be a lifetime. Families with stable emotions have higher fault tolerance rates. Recently, there has been a popular topic on the Internet: \”How happy are families with high fault tolerance rates?\” Under the topic, there are many positive examples of families, and one of them impressed me deeply. A little girl wanted to help clean the table after a meal, but she accidentally broke the cup. The little girl stood there helplessly. At this time, the mother hurriedly ran out of the bedroom, comforted the little girl over and over again, \”It\’s okay,\” and then brought tools to clean the floor. The little girl squatted down and looked at the glass shards in the cup, feeling guilty and sad. After her mother came back, she noticed her emotions and kept comforting her. \”Did we accidentally bump into it? We didn\’t mean it, it doesn\’t matter!\” However, what is even more gratifying is what happened next. After dinner in the evening, when my father was cleaning up the dishes, he accidentally broke the little girl\’s rice bowl. At this time, the little girl immediately comforted her father: \”It\’s okay, it\’s okay.\” The next second, she followed her mother\’s example and went to get cleaning tools to deal with the debris. After I came back, I kept saying \”It\’s okay\” to my father. The father wanted to take the broom, but the girl snatched him away. After watching this video, I feel warm in my heart. In many cases, it is better to give an example in person than to scare children with accusations and absolute authority. And managing your own emotions well is the best way to teach your children through words and deeds. There is also a case seen online. Coco, a college student studying in Beijing, got into a fight with her roommate and impulsively beat her up. The school invited Coco\’s father to provide some education, but Coco was worried that his father would blame him for this. But my father came from his hometown and after handling the matter, he didn\’t rush to blame Coco. He turned to Keke and said calmly: \”If it weren\’t for you fighting, I wouldn\’t haveIf you have the opportunity to come to Beijing, you should get a good education. I will go to the Old Summer Palace tomorrow, so don’t think too much about it. \”With just such a sentence, Coco\’s heart dropped to the ground. What followed was warmth and touch from the heart. There was no harsh preaching, only gentle nourishment. From then on, whenever he thought about it, If your father is tolerant of himself, he will be more considerate of his hard work. He will become more self-disciplined and more empathetic. In fact, isn\’t this what we call a family with a high \”fault tolerance rate\”? There are faults , can be forgiven. If you make a mistake, there are ways to correct it. If you fail, you can start over. Being tolerant enough and tolerant enough gives the children the confidence to try and make mistakes. Unlike families that blame each other, put each other first. Trapped in negative emotions, unable to move forward. Families with stable emotions will hold hands, unite their strength, and face the ups and downs of life together. It is difficult for tight parents to raise relaxed children. I wonder if you have discovered in recent years. The word \”relaxation\” has been mentioned repeatedly, and has even been quoted in family education. Because that fearless and comfortable mental state is really attractive. Perhaps it is because relaxation is too prevalent in the current environment. It is scarce, so it is set as a benchmark. Indeed, there are many moments of collapse in our daily lives: the train that we can’t catch, the knowledge points that we can’t teach, the utility bills that have not been paid… Big things are often out of our control, and small things are often beyond our control. One thing after another. Maybe you will think: Yes, it is so difficult for me, so why do you ask me to be an emotionally stable parent? But writing this article today is not to teach parents a lesson . It’s not asking everyone to suppress their emotions, nor is it asking everyone not to be angry at all. It’s about trying to look at the sources and patterns of your emotions more objectively. Learn to face your children in a problem-solving way, rather than being violent towards them. Children vent their emotions. We have high mood swings and are easily irritable. This may be because we grew up in a family that is used to being harsh. We are tied to our \”inner child\” by past experiences and old patterns. We may not be able to change ourselves. Our family of origin cannot escape the objective environment. But we can \”raise ourselves\” again and grow up again. Here are a few small methods that may help you \”untie\” yourself. 1. Find the source of your old patterns, Observe and guide yourself. Star Qiaoen Chen can\’t help but vent her emotions in variety shows. She is probably following the old pattern given to her by her mother: when she encounters things that are not going well and she is dissatisfied, she will beat and scold her to vent her emotions. If we can repeat the old pattern Only when you are consciously aware of and identify your current emotions can you find an outlet for your emotions. 2. Solve your own emotions first, and then communicate with your child. When your child does something that makes you angry and is about to explode, you might as well wait a few seconds. Minutes and take a few deep breaths. Ask yourself: “Why am I so angry? Where am I angry? Am I angry because my child did something wrong? \”If it is just because of your own troubles and negative emotions caused by depression, you must first find a way to calm down. You can develop a hobby to dissolve and transfer the emotions. You can also understand somePsychological knowledge, complete self-coaching. Only by learning to consciously resolve your own negative emotions can you avoid transferring negative emotions to your children. 3. Try to express your feelings frankly with your children. Psychologists have said: \”Real communication between parents and children is an important guarantee for the quality of the parent-child relationship.\” Children are not hollow and wooden people. Their delicate minds sometimes Far beyond our imagination. They are often the first to receive the joys, sorrows and joys of their parents, and they are also the ones who can best understand them. So instead of suppressing your emotions, let your children be on the same side as you. When you come home from work, you are tired. The house is still messy with your children. When you want to get angry, maybe you can stop and try another way: \”Mom has been working all day and is very tired. It makes me feel even more uncomfortable when I come home and see such a mess.\” \”Son, can you help me clean up?\” I believe that children who are trusted by their parents can continuously improve their emotional intelligence and learn to think from their perspective while communicating with their parents. No one is born with emotional stability, we are all constantly practicing. The process of raising children is actually reshaping yourself. When parents in a family can manage their own emotions, they can prevent the family from falling into internal strife. At a young age, emotionally stable parents can allow their children to be themselves fully and bravely; at a larger age, emotional stability is the greatest centripetal force and fuel for a family. Finally, please click [Like] at the end of the article. I hope we can all make \”emotional stability\” the biggest centripetal force and the strongest fuel for the family!